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A co-worker sent this to me. She has kids. I don’t. But I thought it was funny. Those of you with children can let me know how accurate it is.
HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN
MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing
tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream
because this would wake a child at night.GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for
anything they eat or damage.DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of s oggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on
the floor.NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin
to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag
and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and
sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more
and sing these too until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get
up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint,
turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn
it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and
a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and
an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel
Tower.AUTOMOB ILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream
cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a
dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size
package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be
directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home
and read it quietly for the last time.FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how
they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their
children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
time you will have all the answers.Ugh! I am never having children.
Volunteer mod- I'm here to help! Email me for the best response: nambroth at gmail.com
My art: featherdust.comthat is SO funny! although some very good points are brought up. I really liked the part about taking the goats into a store!
LOL! All those are correct, though I hope not all with one child!! I love the octopus one!! Soooo true!
😆 😆 😆 I love the octopus one, too. The upside is that they get older at some point…then they take care of themselves and get chores, so you have time to sit and play on here. 😈
I love the goat part! And I agree – no kids for me – at least not the 2 foot sort. Goats would be great!
I loved it. Especially the goat part. But, there should also be a part about the screaming temper tantrums. Some of those kids you can hear through the whole mall.
No kids for me. I had enough babysitting, thank you kindly. Someone else can have them.Maybe when humankind is suffering a serious decline in population from which recovery isn’t possible, and the planet has so many resources that we don’t know what to do with them all, I would maybe consider thinking about the possibility of considering children.
Or maybe I’ll get a hole drilled into my head first!
honestly…I’ve taken care of some friend’s kids…..
and a lot of those sounded so true…especailly the goats in the store…and the octopus dressing….
I’m glad I don’t have kids 😯
At least two? That’s good, it’s always nice when one can beat up on the other. Um, I meant play with one another? Sorry I don’t know where that came from. Just think if you have more than the older ones can play Momma while you’re out working. 😆
Romeodanny wrote:At least two? That’s good, it’s always nice when one can beat up on the other. Um, I meant play with one another? Sorry I don’t know where that came from. Just think if you have more than the older ones can play Momma while you’re out working. 😆
Ah! The memories… Comment most often heard from my older brother when he was playing with us (younger brother and me) : “Come on! Stop crying! It doesn’t even hurt!” 😆
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