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Kids are def not for everyone. I certainly didnt want any and mine was super unplanned. I dont want to go into it, but turning up pregnant was not something I wanted. I used to imagine tripping kids in the mall… you know… the ones that are just learning to walk!! 😈 Ok, that was back then… For those who dont want kids, I believe you! I have been there! I do believe that if you ever do have kids, you will see the difference. Also, they say your kids are payback for what you did to your parents.. so if you were hellions, perhaps you should not breed… more for your own piece of mind than anything else.
DigitalDragon wrote:…I even had a guy tell me I had to and WOULD change my mind, because it’s my duty as a woman to have kids.
Wow! I thought that kind of thing finally died out, I guess not. I actually had an older man I once worked with imply that in not so many words. Wonderful, aint it?! I know some women may feel that way, but I’ve only had men imply or say something to that effect. It’s like saying just because a guy has a you know what, he should be out doing his part to further the population of human-kind, regardless of his interest in fully participating in parenthood. I’m not necessarily against people thinking this way, but I have a hard time when they expect other people to adhear to it.
DigitalDragon wrote:…What kind of life would that be for a child whose parents really don’t want them much?
Well said. There are a few distant relatives of mine that should of never of had kids (but I think they felt pressured to do so by other family members or the status quo). It was nothing but suffering for the children and parents. Not everyone has an interest or desire, as you pointed out, or the disposition for children. Last time I checked the world was big enough for everyone and I think its fine to chose for yourself (either way) without feeling selfish about it, even if others just don’t get it. Everyone is responsible for themselves after all.
Silver
Yes, you make some good points I can agree with, especially about the pressure of the status quo. I think it would be sad to have parents who don’t want you… bad enough having a parent who doesn’t want anything to do with you after you’ve ‘grown out’ of the blind baby devotion stage and start thinking for yourself.
I really think it’s important that everyone just try to understand others’ views, or at least not attempt to change them or insist they just don’t know any better. That’s all I’m getting at, really. It’s the same for any ideology or belief really. Like religion too… I may not share belief in a god all the time, but I am perfectly happy to let others have their belief in one and enjoy being included in their rituals by my own choice (so long as their practising that belief does no harm to others!)
Im sorry for whatever happened to make you feel like that. I cannot imagine being like that, so forgive me if I dont understand right away. I guess I should have thought a little more before I spoke, though I think people who feel exactly like you are few and far between. I was not ignoring your words or trying to be condescending. I just have not met anyone who actually felt like you do, and it is hard for me to imagine. Oh, and I dont feel I was being disrespectful. I think this topic is just a very sensitive one for you.
DigitalDragon wrote:Well, I wouldn’t say anything ‘happened’ to me to make me feel this way. Hrmmm…. well, to me, someone telling me they really think I will change my opinion about something makes it sound like they have the authority to make such judgements about me. Especially after I just finished saying I know myself, and know for various reasons that I will not change.
As for feeling the way I do about having children, well, I know I’m definitely not alone in that and certainly not totally rare. Then again maybe I am some kind of demon or something, who knows?Don’t feel like you can’t say anything you want though… I suppose I should just stick to my usual practice of not posting in response to anything I feel is controversial. I hate offending people. I will just drop it. From your first post, I thought you knew what I meant, but from this one, I see you didnt. I am starting to get upset about your attitude, so I guess its mutual and this is one area where we will not be able to communicate.
I respect a person’s decision to decide not have children at all, and please digital- do not think I was ever talking about anyone here as being selfish for not wanting to have children- I assure you that is not the case. Many people make that decision and it is the best one for them, and soul-searching is a very practical way to make this decision and it *is* a very personal decision- others make the ulterior decision and life goes down a different road. I don’t begrudge anyone because they decided having a kid wasn’t for them- it really isn’t for a lot of people and some people who decide to have children because they can really don’t deserve it- or rather their kids don’t deserve to be unwanted or abused. I can see both sides of this.
So my road- I only speak from personal experience that my progression from college to motherhood has been a complete 180. When I was in college my boyfriend (now husband) had 2 neices & a nephew. I didn’t like them, I didn’t like that they were loud, I didn’t like that they wanted to touch me, and I felt uncomfortable when we hugged- sometimes I still do because I don’t love them like a parent loves their child. I care about them and I hope nothing bad happens to them but they are strangers to me for the most part.
Suffice is to say when I had my son my feelings about children in general changed and most specifically about my life with my child- my mom always said she likes her kids, but not everyone else’s- I feel the same way. I like some kids’ personalities and others I avoid like the plague. Still, it’s nice to hear about the good stuff and not the jokes about what to expect (however true they may be!). I’m just saying there’s a lot more to the story than just the pitfalls and many people who scorn having children don’t know what they are possibly missing. Like Ski said, having a child is CERTAINLY not for everyone but some people DO thrive off of it and to say “Yuch, I don’t ever want to have kids! No way no how” can be a little hurtful to people who have children and love their lives with the child.
(this came to mind- it’s like saying “I like grapes” and someone else saying “YUCH, grapes are disgusting, I don’t ever want to eat grapes”….the person who likes the grapes has to be able to say “well that’s good for you- *I* still like grapes” and not feel the need to wonder why grapes are so appalling to you and if they might be doing something “wrong” for liking grapes)
**EDITED for spelling
My attitude? I’m sorry… I honestly don’t know where you’re coming from and need to figure out what’s gone awry. I’m not sure what it was that I said in my last post that was offensive, and would like to at least have the opportunity to apologise if I did something wrong… I really do feel bad about what I’ve already said, and now I am getting confused further… I feel terrible at this point.
Probably just better to agree at this point that kids are great when mixed with strawberries and milk in a blender for those who want them and leave sleeping dogs lie.
Snapdragon wrote:Probably just better to agree at this point that kids are great when mixed with strawberries and milk in a blender for those who want them and leave sleeping dogs lie.
😆 That’s cute.
I don’t think people can make the snap judgment of “it’ll change, you’ll feel differently- you’ll change”- some people don’t…but some people do. I did change just like that; you do not think you will change- which is okay and apart from the fact that you do not feel the desire to have children and the extenuating circumstances you allude to may be very good reasons not to have children and you have thought about the matter in depth and made your decision. You ar eyour own person and that is a completely acceptable decision. It’s your life decision and I think everyone here respects that.
DigitalDragon wrote:My attitude? I’m sorry… I honestly don’t know where you’re coming from and need to figure out what’s gone awry. I’m not sure what it was that I said in my last post that was offensive, and would like to at least have the opportunity to apologise if I did something wrong… I really do feel bad about what I’ve already said, and now I am getting confused further… I feel terrible at this point.
Perhaps I took your last post wrong. There are people that dont want to have kids… they may not even like kids… and THAT is common. I have met plenty of them. What I understood from your post was that even if you had a kid, you would not like it, and THAT is rare. I have never met a person who believed that before. I am not saying it is wrong, nor do I think people who dont want kids should have kids so they can “change their minds.” I already feel like there are too many people out there having kids who have no buisness having them. I felt the Demon statement was just being patronizing and set a tone for the post that felt catty. I was also not making judgements about you. I think this may be the first conversation we have had… what a way to break the ice… 😕
No Cheryl, you’re absolutely right, and that’s why I made sure to apologise in case my personal comments offended those who like children (because I realised that it might, as happens to me when someone proclaims they don’t like something I do).
As for the rest of what I’ve said that’s gone misunderstood, I can only sincerely say that all I was trying to do was calmly (unemotionally) explain how my mind interprets things that are said, often misinterpreting them in the process. I in no way wished to accuse anyone of actually having said certain things to me; I only wanted to explain why I might have sounded offended, to someone who doesn’t interpret what I heard the same way. I honestly did not mean to sound angry or… whatever it is that’s offending Ski. I am probably not using the right words at all, and not explaining myself clearly enough. I wasn’t at all feeling any kind of attitude, and I am afraid of what I must sound like on the other end.
I really do feel terrible and lost as to what more I can do to explain myself and apologise for how I sounded. I thought I had said some potentially very wrong things originally, and tried to show how I feel I may really be an awful person for what I think (a demon), and now am being told I have upset someone for thinking this of myself. I really, really didn’t mean to be sounding like someone else thought this about me. I meant it about myself because I do wonder sometimes about whether what I believe is very wrong…
So again, I can only just apologise and hope my words don’t continue to come out wrong…
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