Grief support group

[DragonMistress]

boskydragon wrote:

I had more than one person tell me that I was lucky to miscarry as it wasn’t like I’d known the baby… 👿 this is comfort?

I absolutly hate that line! it has been said to me constantly, “oh you’re lucky you weren’t further along” oh, you weren’t really pregnant, well it’s better off this way, etc etc. I just have to smile and nod and walk away from them, all the while saying in my head, I’m lucky? are you kidding me? But because I used to work in a hospital, a suprising amount of women had gone through the same thing, and they weresome of the best consolers, they would just hug, and not say anything else. I am actually afraid to try again, I know that’s silly, but I’m terrified that it’ll happen again, and we’ll have to go through that pain. I swear when I do get pregnant, I’m gonna lay in bed for 14 weeks and not move! I envy women that easy nonchalant pregnancy, and I get so mad when people (that I used to be friends with in high school) just have kid after kid, and give them to their mother/sister/aunt etc to raise, and then go right back out and get pregnant again. This one girl I know keeps moving aacross the country, and has left her 2 beautiful children with her mother. She just recently got pregnant by another guy (none of her kids have the same father) just so she could get married, and when he got bored with her, she had an abortion just to spite him. I stopped talking to her after that. I’ve met people in the hospital that abort perfectly health 23 week babies, because they just now decided that they don’t want them! There is no medical problem, no danger to the mother’s health, they just decided not to be bothered. Needless to say, I stopped working on that floor along time ago. I always wanted to walk in the room and sit down and say, do you know what I wouldave given to be able to hold my baby? It’s hard to be calm and understanding in those situations.

[Purplecat]

I heard that line alot too…bleh…actually having my son and being pregnant with him helped me alot. I did alot of healing emotionally because I realized that the baby I had lost had nothing to do with something I had done wrong. I was very cautious with that pregnancy anyway. Try again one day when you feel ready, but go in prepared by finding a ob-gyn with excellent references. Then go in and get a checkup and have them assess whether or not pregnancy is a good idea. 🙂 If it’s not, then try to adopt a kid out of foster care, some of them don’t have anyone and are just put into the system hoping for a family. Just a thought. 🙂

[twindragonsmum]

DragonMistress wrote:

boskydragon wrote:

I had more than one person tell me that I was lucky to miscarry as it wasn’t like I’d known the baby… 👿 this is comfort?

I absolutly hate that line! it has been said to me constantly, “oh you’re lucky you weren’t further along” oh, you weren’t really pregnant, well it’s better off this way, etc etc. I just have to smile and nod and walk away from them, all the while saying in my head, I’m lucky? are you kidding me? But because I used to work in a hospital, a suprising amount of women had gone through the same thing, and they weresome of the best consolers, they would just hug, and not say anything else. I am actually afraid to try again, I know that’s silly, but I’m terrified that it’ll happen again, and we’ll have to go through that pain. I swear when I do get pregnant, I’m gonna lay in bed for 14 weeks and not move! I envy women that easy nonchalant pregnancy, and I get so mad when people (that I used to be friends with in high school) just have kid after kid, and give them to their mother/sister/aunt etc to raise, and then go right back out and get pregnant again. This one girl I know keeps moving aacross the country, and has left her 2 beautiful children with her mother. She just recently got pregnant by another guy (none of her kids have the same father) just so she could get married, and when he got bored with her, she had an abortion just to spite him. I stopped talking to her after that. I’ve met people in the hospital that abort perfectly health 23 week babies, because they just now decided that they don’t want them! There is no medical problem, no danger to the mother’s health, they just decided not to be bothered. Needless to say, I stopped working on that floor along time ago. I always wanted to walk in the room and sit down and say, do you know what I wouldave given to be able to hold my baby? It’s hard to be calm and understanding in those situations.

Yep, been there! It’ll always be scary to try again, but I agree with purplecat about finding a good ob-gyn. We were lucky with ours. We lived in a small town in Washington state and thought we’d have to do to Seattle (4 hours away) or Portland (3 1/2 hours away). Then we found Dr. Perry and after almost ten years of trying we got our boys. I was termed as a high risk, premium pregnancy. I was over 30 and this was the one and only pregnancy. I was on bedrest from almost day one. The day after we had the ultrasound that showed we were having four babies, my husband was laid off from his job… and the story goes on, but I won’t bore you with it. When the time is right for you to try again, you’ll know. Will you be anxious about it? Probably. Will you have problems? Probably not. Will you ultra careful about it? Absolutely! Will we be here for you to talk to? ALWAYS! Just try to ignore the people who don’t know what they’re talking about. Most of the time they feel akward because they don’t know what to say. Unfortuneatly our culture doesn’t know how to grieve or mourn with others. We want to be able to be supportive but most of us don’t know how to do it. Those of us who have experienced this know just how short others fall in this area. Hopefully we will be able to take our experiences and help other through their own grieving process.

twindragonsmum

tdm

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