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I guess it’s my turn to growl and grumble a bit. 👿 🙄
My husband and I have a band. We’ve been together with 4 other players/singers for over 5 years. We were playing out pretty regularly on the weekends, playing parties, etc. This was the GOOD part. The bad part is that it seems that every lead guitar player we get starts out okay, plays for a few months like a “normal” person and then developes the social skills of a wolverine with hemmorhoids that’s just eaten a pot of thermonuclear chili. They stay for a while, and then attempt to take over the band to the point that nobody else gets any credit for anything. And I’m talking about the last 3 guitarists in like the last 6 months. One’s ego was so big he and his ego wouldn’t fit in the same room together. He made up all these lies and stories about the great things that were gonna happen, like being signed to a label, stuff like that. And when the deadline for the event came up, he’d invent a reason why it wasn’t happening. The sad thing was he was super talented. Could play any instrument (for real) could write and compose lyrics and tunes; you name it. But he was a compulsive liar to the point that if he said the sky was blue, I’d need to go check. Because *EVERY* darned word outta his mouth was a lie. Then we found another guy, he was the youngest member. He could play really well, and things started out great. We had a good rhythym guitar player that could really sing and could play some good lead. But after a couple of years, the younger guitarist started trying to take over. He would pick all the songs HE wanted to play, would play louder than everybody, go right over them noise wise if they were singing. This last guy was okay, but I strongly suspect he was either using or maybe off the meds he SHOULD’VE BEEN using, and for what ever reason, this guy just went off the deep end. Completely wigged the Freak’ out and went off. So, needless to say, he’s no longer in the band. So I’m back to square one. My hubby is going ballistic, because he wants to be able to get out and play, and I’m going ballistic, listening to the hubby, 🙄 SO if anyone out there knows a guitar player that’s looking for a band in Central NJ, please PLEASE let me know? Must be able to play classic and modern rock, age not an issue. But having own equipment is a MUST. HEeeeeeeelppp!!PLEEEEEEAAASE?
Dang… good luck. Maybe you guys should not call him the “lead” guitarist… It could be that the title makes them think they are king. 😆
You just might have something there, Ski.
Perhaps renaming your guitarist 1st and 2nd would work out better…that way no one is getting a big title, and make it clear when they sign on that the whole band is equal to all it’s parts…no one is top dog, and that is the way it will stay.
You all rise and fall together, anyone starts getting “I’m the reason we’re great” ideas, then they will be pitched to the curb. Perhaps if you make it clear that overblown egos have no place in your band from the get go, it will work out better.
Good luck! If you lived in Oregon, I would have a suggestion, but where you are, no clue.
Kyrin
I’m with Ski and Kyrin. While it does take a certain “look at me!” mentality to play any kind of solo or lead part, that doesn’t mean you have to put up with a fussy baby who’s forgotten that any musical group means teamwork. (It’s also sad that those clowns were so blind, because one of the greatest things about playing as a group is the teamwork! Anyone can sit in front of a mike and plang some notes and recite a verse. It takes real talent to fuse one’s abilities with those of the rest of the group, and create something really special.)
Changing the name of the “position” is worth a go; maybe that will help weed out some of the egotists and attract you a sensible sort. How about checking the local music schools? There have to be loads of students who would be deeply grateful for the chance to work with a real band, and you may find more than one who’s got the talent you need and a temperament that won’t drive you bananas. Good luck! 🙂
We actually did do the 1st and 2nd guitarist thing; it doesn’t matter what you call them. Yes, it does take a certain amount of the “Peacock Factor” to begin with to get someone out there. Trying to reason with an ego doesn’t work; nor does pointing out that a “lead whatever” (insert singer, guitarist etc…) is only as good as the people they play with in the band. The first lunatic was truly off the deep end; I could go on for hours about the world he created where he was just SO great, and everybody just LOVED his music, etc., but I have no desire to make folks yark up hairballs. 😈 The second one is/was really just a kid. Literally and figuratively. His family was supportive above and beyond, and they basically blew a lot of smoke you know where. 😉 He was 19 when he joined us. Both of these people were honestly quite talented. It just seems that once again, the ego took over.
The last guy was completely and totally unexpected. He’d come on board about 6 months ago, and we’d been rehearsing every week and making progress, and then last week there were some crossed wires about practice, and long story short, my husband went over to this guy’s house because he was concerned that maybe something had happened, since it wasn’t like this person to just not show up. Anyway, when George got there, the guitar player came out of his house literally like a raving lunatic. Scared the living bejeezus out of my husband. No physical harm done, but needless to say, we haven’t heard from the guitar player since. A mutual friend of my husband’s and the guitarist played the mediator by listening and talking to each of them (at different times) and while I wasn’t included in the conversation, after talking with my husband, it would appear that now the guitar player is most likely embarassed by the whole thing. Understandable, but we’re still out a guitarist. 🙄 I’m truly at the point right now that I could probably not play out again and never miss it. *sigh* But my hubby misses it. Whatever…. 😕skigod377 wrote:If I could find my brother, I would send him your way.
sounds like the game of “hide and seek” you were playing went wrong (him being in a very good hiding place)
but really, I do hope that each of you can find someone (skygod -> her brother
tasgrs -> the perfect lead guitarist)I surely do hope that you will form the perfect band, forming a band is like finding your solemate, takes time but will happen eventually, I still haven’t found my band, so I just sing solo finding various people to sing with, I actually know many very good guitarists, but as you can see, I live quite far away 😀
tasgrs wrote:few months like a “normal” person and then developes the social skills of a wolverine with hemmorhoids that’s just eaten a pot of thermonuclear chili.
Vivid! I do hope that everything gets better for you. I personally like what Barrdwing had to say so I ditto most of it 😀 Im here for ya if you want to vent.
xoxo~)O(~xoxoBarrdwing wrote:I’m with Ski and Kyrin. While it does take a certain “look at me!” mentality to play any kind of solo or lead part, that doesn’t mean you have to put up with a fussy baby who’s forgotten that any musical group means teamwork. (It’s also sad that those clowns were so blind, because one of the greatest things about playing as a group is the teamwork! Anyone can sit in front of a mike and plang some notes and recite a verse. It takes real talent to fuse one’s abilities with those of the rest of the group, and create something really special.)
Changing the name of the “position” is worth a go; maybe that will help weed out some of the egotists and attract you a sensible sort. How about checking the local music schools? There have to be loads of students who would be deeply grateful for the chance to work with a real band, and you may find more than one who’s got the talent you need and a temperament that won’t drive you bananas. Good luck! 🙂
We did have a couple of flyers posted at a few local music schools. So far we haven’t had much luck. I don’t have an issue with waiting. *shrugs* Good thing, because right now it doesn’t look like that’s gonna change soon. 😉 I guess nobody at the places we posted is interested in the older classic rock. We do venture into some of the newer stuff, as long as it isn’t violent/offensive/dischordant…..
I agree that when the band gels, and gets into that groove that we all look for it can be a wonderful thing. Teamwork is absolutely a must, or it just doesn’t work. I don’t understand the tempermental diva BS….I believe the more flies with honey thing to really get one farther than the alternative. But that whole frustrated artist thing is *such* a hop in the tush.
My specialty (such as it is… 🙄 ) is my ability to sing harmony to anyone on any song. I can usually find a line to add if there is more than one person singing. I’ve been doing that since I was little. I’m told it’s a true gift, and that it’s very difficult for most folks to do. I guess maybe that is true, because more often than not, I have to teach whoever I’m singing with to stay on their line of the music. It seems people want to switch to whatever they hear, and if that’s a harmony, then guess what? It just stopped BEING a harmony. 😆 But that’s the key: I’m willing to work with them. Especially if it gets me the sound I wanted. 😉
When we first got the band together in the incarnation that actually worked, we managed to stay together and actively play out nearly every weekend for about 5 years. Then our lead singer got tired of having to scream over the younger guitar player, (and telling him to turn down didn’t do diddly…)and some of the other members got tired of him refusing to follow a set list that was arranged in a way that all of us that did sing got a chance. This way saves on everyone’s voice by giving you a rest between when you had to sing. Out of the 6 of us in the band, 5 of us sang and/or play instruments. And then he made a decision to try it off with a band of his own. From what we’ve heard, it’s not working for him quite the way he’d hoped.*shrugs again*. Our older guitarist is willing to come back, and the singer will too, as long as we don’t have Mr. Peacock. 🙄 But we still need a second guitar to be able to do the more complicated songs we were doing. It’s like that old saw about “For want of a nail, the shoe was lost….” All for the want of a “normal” guitar player……wait…..that’s a mutally exclusive thing; “Normal” and “Guitar Player”…. 😆
Ah well….good things come to those who wait, and I’m gonna guess that if it’s meant to be, it will. In the meantime, I do believe I’ll try to enjoy the time and spend it doing things I really love. I gave up doing a lot of things to join the group at my husband’s request, and maybe this is a good thing–it gives me a little bit more free time for now.
But should anyone come across anyone who knows someone who might be interested…….. 😉
And thanks, PT….one never knows when a good venting is needed. And it’s no fun if there isn’t anyone to vent TO 😈All musicians are nutty to one degree or another….since the 80’s I’ve gone out with enough of them to know (and form a small orchestra). 😆 My husband plays guitar and I let him know you were looking for somebody….but he doesn’t have the time or the interest to play out again. Sorry, I tried. 😉
I’m convinced you’re right, Lamorte. After this last episode especially. 😛
Does your husband have any friends that play, too?Right now George gets his “fix” by us volunteering at one of the senior citizen complexes once a week. They have a musician’s workshop, and we go over and play/sing with them. A friend of ours who plays the keyboard lives there and got this thing started. I have to say that’s a lot of fun. They aren’t overly critical, nobody hogs the spotlight, and the people are highly appreciative. (And not drunk…) 😛 But even over there, there aren’t any guitarists to be found.
It’ll happen when it happens, and in the meantime I can enjoy some down time. Truthfully, playing out every weekend got pretty old, pretty fast. And with 6 people in the original band, the money wasn’t that great. Once you figure in moving all the equipment, setting up, breaking down, etc. And now with the cost of gas/diesel, it simply doesn’t pay enough to make it worthwhile.
Oh well……we’ll see. Like I said, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. 😉
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