This is Version 2a of this page. Fixed a bunch of stuff.
I tried, but I couldn’t get enough words next to Serence in the second panel to explain how he is going to get closer without walking in front of the archers. I’ll try to make it clearer on the next page.
I also post new pages on Deviantart a couple days after I post it here. On Deviantart, click on the image and the page will display full sized.It’s easier to read that way. Here’s a link: http://reptangle.deviantart.com/art/The-Veligent-Page-119-525600589
You probably can’t read the little whispered words in the bottom panel at this resolution.. Sgt. Berm is saying” what’s ‘e doing??” in the last panel Tannis says: “Using his authority”.
The resolution I have to use to post this here makes it really hard to see.
Interesting … Somebody should tell Serence that it’s a REALLY BAD IDEA to walk out in front of a bunch of archers.
I’m having a bit of trouble with the way the dialogue is arranged. Would it make sense to switch panels 4 and 5 (the two small panels in the second row)?
In other words, put “Oh boy, this looks bad … He’s really going to order them to shoot it??” before “There!! … See him?? … I’m going closer”.” I think that “There … See him” could be dropped down some and still relate properly to panel 6.
Serence isn’t going to walk in front of the archers, exactly…They are up on the kritsite rock mound that is partially surrounding the base camp. He’s planning to go down a slope parallel to the line of fire to get close enough to talk to the demon. I need to draw a map. It make sense to me.
Another thing about Serence is that he has total faith in his people. He’d NEVER anticipate an attack from the back…
I tried arranging those first five panels every which way, and they were kinda clunky no matter what I did. Panel five really needs to go after panel six, but it doesn’t fit.
I’m fooling around with the panel order, maybe I’ll switch it around. Gotta change the art to make it fit…
I love that poor Kade is still wearing that dreadfully over-salped tunic! 🙂
Only the on-duty soldiers and guards are dressed properly. Gen. Ramsel is still in his hospital gown. Serence is in his pajamas, but he has the sense to wear things that can be presentable under all circumstances. It’s been a long day, a short night, and it is starting to get light again.
Has Kade not been wearing any shoes this whole time or did I miss him ditch them somewhere??
He’s been barefoot since the water – see page 92.
Yeah, he hasn’t put shoes on since his boots got soaked.
I have no problems with the panel order. The whole situation is in a rush and there is probably no real perfect order of who is saying what.
But I was confused with the whispering. Who is addressed with “… using authority”?! I would use “He’s using …” The fainted text bubbles are a bit difficult to read, but I like it. It impresses the whispering in the background.
I changed “using authority” to “using his authority” in the version 2 page.( link in the description above) If it still sounds confusing, I’ll change the whispered words to ” what’s ‘e doing??” and ” “He’s using his authority”
I was trying to keep it short, but clarity trumps short.
What do you think?
The new arrangement is much better – cleaner and easier to follow.
One minor suggestion … since Sertence isn’t really marching down in front of the archers, should he say something like “I’m going down to the left [or right] to get closer. Be ready … “? Longer, but maybe clearer about the action.
I tried , but I couldn’t come up with a short way to say HOW he is getting closer, exactly. Not enough room for a long explanation in that panel.
I think “what’s ‘e doing??” and ” “He’s using his authority” would be best. It makes clear that the both persons in the background have that whispering conversation. No wondering who is addressed with the first question.
The new panel order is great. One should never say, it’s not possible 🙂
Great. Even the swordarm and the cloak are correct now. Again a wonderful work.