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As most of you know, Twindragonmum is going through a nasty divorce. It is starting to take a toll on her emotionally and she needs our moral support. She e-mailed me early this morning and asked me to post for her because she just wasn’t up to it herself and she noted that she needs support. I’ll quote the message that she sent me:
“I’ve been crying all day and I won’t even have Sean tonight ’cause his grandparents are visiting. I might not see him til Thrus. when he goes back to Rod. I just want to go home, get my kids and go to Utah where my family is. I don’t want to be in Idaho until the boys graduate from high school. I’m almost praying that Rod gets the job in Montana, then maybe I’ll get my kids and get to go home…I don’t know what else to say. I just want to vomit. How am I supposed to pay for a $3,000 CT Scan bill with only $55.00 in the bank. Rod says he won’t pay it. I also take 8 different meds that just one costs $300.00 a month til the deductible kicks in. Our court date for the divorce is end of May. In about 6 weeks I won’t be able to live here anymore. Rod won’t let me take the boys to Utah so now I have nothing, not even my kids that took me 10 years to get here. I have nothing, so way to support myself, no family no nothing left and no one who even cares if I’m here or not – especially not my boys.”
I know she’ll be lurking the forum so if you can give her some moral support and show that we do think about her and care what happens to her, it will be a big boost to her.
Thanks to everyone! We all need a little help now and then so we don’t go crazy.
We’re there. Always.
Tell your boys how you feel – they may be feeling something similar and not telling you. Your family does care!!! Your brother does, and so do we.
So hang in there. Don’t be ashamed of feeling down, it’s normal.
You want me to email ya, or call ya?
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmAww TDM you know we are all here for you and we DO support you. You matter to all of us and I am sure to your children as well. Sometimes kids forget that they need to SHOW their parents that they need them instead of simply taking for granted that they will be there. Honey…talk to your kids, tell them how you are feeling so that they are more aware. You are an important and integral part of them and their lives and though the ex is making this as difficult as possible on you, you will get through this. Dig deep and find the strength. I know it seems an impossible task but it is at the most diffucult times we find out just how strong and capable we really are. I do not know what the laws are in the states but I know here in Canada if there is a very valid reason for moving with the children to another province/state? it will be allowed even if the other parent does not approve. Most courts are reasonable in realizing that familial support is a huge part of life and as long a “good” visitation is set up they will sometimes allow the primary care and control parent to move.
If the man is raising the kids he can go where he needs to to find work and it should be the same for the woman. Talk to a lawyer and see if this might be a possibility in your state. Ya never know.
DO NOT let depression get ahold of you and alter your strength. You can and will get through this. Please talk to your kids about it, they are smart and love you and are probably oblivious to moms needs cuz well….mom has always been there for them and they simply do not always look beyond what they want and see at that age.
My heart goes out to you and I send my strength if possible. You are an incredible woman and you have so much to offer. Do Not let Rod win with your emotions. He does not deserve it and lost the right to try to dictate to you the day he chose to leave your life and thrust you into a difficult situation. Dig deep…the strength is there I promise.
I know it is hard and times are really tough but though it is cliche….It Will Get Better. Lean on your family for support even from a distance.
Oh sweetie, never feel like nobody cares if you’re here or not. I guarantee that your kids and your family care, and we all care as well! Don’t give up!
Financial worries and visitation problems are something that I think every mom going through a divorce has to deal with at some point or another (I know my mom did). Don’t despair. I know things might seem impossible and awful right now, but as time goes on you’ll find a job and be able to take care of your expenses. Once you get yourself into a routine it’ll seem more bearable to wait until your kids graduate from high school (I know in my house we’re still doing the countdown to my brothers and myself finishing college so none of us have to deal with my dad anymore). It’s still a pain, but it’s not intolerable.
If I could offer any tips for surviving a nasty divorce, they would be this:
~Don’t let him scare you
~Talk to your family on the phone whenever you feel the need
~Don’t back down or surrender
~Find a job as soon as possible
~Start planning out your future once you’re free of him and your boys have graduated. Imagine moving back to Utah and how all that is going to work. Having something to cling to is important
Oh TDM, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. You have a lot of support here as we all care about you.
Your boys do love you, they may forget to say it, but they do. You’re their mum and you have always done right by them. They won’t forget that. Like others have said, talk to both the boys and your family. They are all but a phone call away and you will feel better both with having their support and the fact that you were able to talk about it. A problem shared is a problem halved, so don’t suffer alone. There are more people out there then you think that care about you, from all over the world! I am sending you my best wishes all the way from Australia! So please don’t think you are alone. You will get through this and you will be stronger for it.
HUGS!
I’m sorry things are so hard right now. They will get better. In the meanwhile, don’t let him rule your life–or your boys’ lives. He’s the one who decided he wasn’t strong enough to be a good person–he shouldn’t now have the power to rule over you from afar. If it seems wrong what he’s doing, it’s because it is. You can’t be a doormat and he can’t leave you destitute. It doesn’t matter what he thinks he wants to pay for or not–don’t take his word for it. There are lots of us here to listen if you need it. Don’t be afraid to let us know if you do.
I don’t have anything useful to add that hasn’t already been said better than I could have put it, so I will just say…
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time right now hun. Keep your chin up! HUGS
TDM, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could reach right through this computer screen and give you a great big hug. But that would violate several laws of physics, so I’m gonna have to try to do it with words instead.
You are a great mother who has loved and supported her children right from the start. They may be hitting the awkward stage of teenhood now, but the bond between you and them remains strong. There is absolutely nothing Rod can do to change that.
Your boys are seeing their entire world turned upside down, just like you, but unlike you they are very young and inexperienced. They’re probably scared to bits and withdrawing. You’ve worked so hard to be strong for both yourself and them for many months, and that is exhausting.
It’s OK to be tired. It’s OK to feel scared. But then, please take the very good advice of Amy Jane. Rally yourself. You have strength and courage beyond that of many people; your battle for your sons is ample proof of that. Remember that you are one darned fine person, and nobody–particularly not foolish men like Rod–has any right to take that self-image from you. I urge you to talk to people who will support you, hear you, provide a sounding board or a box of Kleenex as needed. There are people right here on this forum who are in your court. We know you for the good and brave woman that you are, and if we can’t be there in person we’ll darn well be there in spirit and on e-mail for you.
Hang in there, TDM. You can do this. One tiny step at a time.
*hugs* I’m so sorry you going through all of this!
I really wish I could give you a real hug. Depression is a very sticky and real emotion that is extremely hard to deal with. Try and make sure to get some sun light and work on clearing your head of all thought if you can. It’s very difficult to have a clear mind and takes loads of work. But I promise it does help.
Oh my dear family! Thank you so, so much for all your kind messages. It was a really tough day and the only thing that really kept me from offing myself was that me boyohs would think I was a quitter. It was awfully close, though. Thanks for loving me so much. It’s been better the last couple of days and the sun is out even if we do have a howling wind and only 21F. I feel like such a coward for even having thought that way, but the despair was acute as Eth decided he was living with his dad full time, I haven’t seen him in 8 weeks and the last I heard from him was “Go away and don’t come back. All you’ve ever done is inflict physical and emotional pain on me.” I don’t even know where that came from. Thank you for your words of comfort and support. I appreciate it more than you will ever, ever know! HUGE HUGS
Beckie
tdmtdm
If that’s the last thing he said to you it sounds like Rod has been doing a big of mind laundering *coughbrainwashingcough* over at his place. I don’t believe for one second that that’s how he really feels. You’ve always been a wonderful mother to him. I think he’s probably just feeling scared and confused because the family dynamic is changing so drastically, and he’s taking it out on you because he knows you’ll love him no matter what, so you’re a safe target. Don’t let it get you down.
I completely agree with Amy Jane (and everybody else). Glad there are so many caring and articulate people on the Forum who say things much better than I do. Stay strong! You will get through this.
If that’s the last thing he said to you it sounds like Rod has been doing a big of mind laundering *coughbrainwashingcough* over at his place. I don’t believe for one second that that’s how he really feels. You’ve always been a wonderful mother to him. I think he’s probably just feeling scared and confused because the family dynamic is changing so drastically, and he’s taking it out on you because he knows you’ll love him no matter what, so you’re a safe target. Don’t let it get you down.
Amy Jane I think you hit that nail square on the head with those words. Dad seems to be doing a bit of altering perceptions but have no fear Beckie….they will see through it!! Children may be led for a bit but they are not blind, deaf nor dumb. Your son will come to see the truth of the situation in time. Amy said it all in her words.
HUGE HUGGS and know that you MATTER and you “ending things” seems a simple choice but you are a stronger woman than that to be sure and your boys will need you more than ever when they realize that dad has been filling their heads with falsities and negativity toward their mom. They will NEED you to be there to tell them “I forgive you, you meant no wrong or hurt”.
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