I am so sorry, Kat.
My first & favorite cat (see avatar) has been gone since 2005, and I miss her still. I didn’t get to be with her either – she was having severe problems, and the vet could see on the x-ray that *something* was inside her, but it was invisible on the x-ray. He called me in the middle of exploratory surgery to tell me she was filled with cancer, and I told him not to let her wake up.
Now I am crying again and it’s been 10 years.
You will always miss him, but always think about the wonderful time you had together, too.
My keyboard is broken. I keep pressing "Escape", but I'm still here.