- This topic has 278 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 15 years, 1 month ago by .
-
Posts
-
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
‘Dear Lord:I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!’
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home..
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: –
‘Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking.I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!’
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
‘My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You’ll just have to wait nine months, though.You got pregnant last night.’
Getting a hairdryer through customs…
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, ‘Father, may I ask a favor?’
‘Of course child. What may I do for you?’‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me. Under your robes perhaps?’
‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.’
‘With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.’
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’
‘From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.’
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?’
‘I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.’
Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead, Father. Next!’
LOL!!!!
Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die..Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe…Ca- na-da is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs …Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her,‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and
fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
She’s such a bitch
Jasmine wrote:LOL!!!!
Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die..Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe…Ca- na-da is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs …Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Oh Golly,I laughed till I cried,sooo funny 😆 XD 😆 I do love their sense of humor XD XD MORE!MORE!
XD XD XD XDEvery act matters.No matter how small💞
(Wanted......Brimstone Lap)
Male Hearth....one day🤞Dream on.2Huberts wrote:MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her,‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and
fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
She’s such a bitch
XD XD XD You don’t know how well that descibed my dear hubby XD XD
Every act matters.No matter how small💞
(Wanted......Brimstone Lap)
Male Hearth....one day🤞Dream on.49ER wrote:This is Really Bad But…
One Sunday, I was riding the bus, and a lady said to me, “Have you heard the “good news”” and I said, “No, are Oprah and Steadman going to finally get married?” and she said, “No, there is a revival at the new Christian church, and preacher is going to speak about God sending his only begotten son, Jesus, to live on Earth among us. Would you like to come to it?” I said, “No, I can’t go, because I’m Jewish–I guess you haven’t heard the Bad News!” XDooooohhhhh 😆
Every act matters.No matter how small💞
(Wanted......Brimstone Lap)
Male Hearth....one day🤞Dream on.Jasmine wrote:The love story of Ralph and Edna…
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness..
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’
Happy Mental Health Day!
Was that my sister? 😮
Every act matters.No matter how small💞
(Wanted......Brimstone Lap)
Male Hearth....one day🤞Dream on.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
