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This truly has been the worst year of my life. 🙁
My grandmother passed away shortly after Easter… actually, Easter Sunday was the last day I saw her. My husband’s grandmother passed away the week of our 10-year anniversary. My husband had his driver’s license suspended (long story which I will NOT go into). That pretty much just leaves me to run errands and bring him to and from work (good thing I quit my job). Legal fees, car problems, other random bull that keeps popping up… and the renovations on the house just aren’t happening. It seems nothing has gone right this year.
Normally, I just roll with the punches. I’m one of those people who believes that sometimes things happen for a reason. But seriously, I feel like I’ve been beaten into the ground! Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, one more thing gets thrown at me. Besides having severe arthritis, Saber now has lymphoma.
I should count my blessings, as Saber Dog is 14 (large breed), and lymphoma is usually seen around 5-9 years of age. It was an agonizing decision, but because of his age (he’s basically in doggie hospice) and the stage of the lymphoma, we decided against chemo. I couldn’t put him through that, I couldn’t… just to have it linger silently for a few months and deal with the side-effects of the drugs (he can’t even tolerate liquid glucosamine for his arthritis). He is on a couple of drugs for pain and inflammation, but it won’t halt the cancer. I always told myself that I would never be selfish and make one of my animals miserable just so I could have a little more time. His quality of life has already diminished greatly because of his arthritis. I just couldn’t bare the thought of seeing him sick from chemo, too… especially since there’s no guarantee it would work in his condition.
But I’ve never seen a disease move so fast. In less than a month his poor lymph nodes are swollen, and he has edema around the legs and under the chest and neck. A couple days ago he developed hyphema (blood) in his right eye. It’s steadily getting darker, and I’m guessing he won’t be able to see out of that eye soon. It’s a really disturbing thing to see, especially since his eyes are clear blue. His voice is now strained and hoarse-sounding, probably from the severely swollen nodes. I have done nothing but cry, almost every day, as I’ve watched my baby go downhill. First from the arthritis, and now this. I have lost animals before, but Saber is very special to me. I have a very strong bond with him that I have had with only one other animal.
Occasionally, we’ll have a really bad night. He’ll do nothing but pant, pace, and yelp… even if I max out his pain meds of “last resort”. I’ve pulled all-nighters before, just trying to comfort him as best I can. It breaks my heart; I’ve never felt so helpless. Half the time I just break down and bury my face in his fur and cry. Emotionally, I’m not ready to let him go. Even before the lymphoma, I knew his time was coming, but I really wanted to move first. I wanted to have a place where he could lay in the grass and enjoy the fall weather before he passed on… but that’s not going to happen, not with the lymphoma. And I am not dealing with this well. 😥
I know I haven’t been on lately, and probably won’t be for a while. It seems the Universe is really testing a whole bunch of people this year. Apparently, I’m one of them. I’m normally a very private person, but I had to get this off my chest. I find I can’t talk about it with anyone, as I get too emotional and turn into a big blubbering idiot. So thanks for letting me get it out here.
-Angela
Sooo sorry to hear the pain in your heart Angela. I send you my sympathy and feel for what you are going through. We are here for you to share and vent and feel your sorrow. You are not alone in your struggles and there are people here who care. There is nothing that I can say to take away the pain or saddness for you but know that we (I) am here for you and with your words you can relieve your heart of some of your worries by sharing here with us. **HEART FELT HUGGS**
It is so hard to let go of a pet, especially if u have a huge bond with them, I understand this…my parents dog (I practically grew up with him) is suffering with congestive heart failure and I have a bond with him too, that I haven’t had with any other pet besides my cat that I owned a couple years ago. There was a point where he was so bad, my mom called me up n said it was time to put him down. Tho, when I came to see him, he chippered up n was better. There is no cure for congestive heart failure, but ik his time is short. I pray he will last through Christmas, but I can’t expect that because he is getting worse. His breathing is bad. I am so sorry for what u are going through. It is so incredibly hard especially with other things that come up. Only a pet can help through hard times and to lose that precious pet is hurtful. I am here for you along with those here on the forum and ur family n friends. If you ever want to vent, u can PM me. I may not be able to cheer u up or fix everything, but I listen well 🙂 I hope things get better for you. My prayers are with you 🙂
It is so hard to lose them. *hugs* They are our furry little children. We have lost a few cherished pets here too. They will always live on in our hearts though.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Stay strong! Things will get better.Oh Angela,
I am so very sorry to hear of the suffering of your poor Saber Dog. Your suffering, too is painful to hear about. Saber knows you love him and are doing everything you can for him. Hold him close, love, and cuddle him all you can. I know the tears and the heartache and truly feel for both of you.
Hugs and understanding, <3
Life is beautiful.
No one should have to go through this, sadly that’s not how life works most of the time.
I’m really sorry that you’re going through such a tough time. 🙁
I’m so sorry. We went through this same thing with our dog, Nikki (he also had bright blue eyes). It was heart breaking to see how fast it spread, and we had a month and a half of whining, pacing, strange nights. You have all of my sympathy. It’s a terrible thing, but you gave him a fantastic life.
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My art: featherdust.comMy dearest Angela, my heart of hearts goes out to you. Lotsa Love and Prayers coming to you and your pup. May it be you both find peace.
Thank you all for such wonderful words. It really means a lot. <3
It’s always hard to let go of a loved pet . I still cry over ones who left me . But I know they are still around and it helps a bit . I’m one of those people who believes in the Rainbow Bridge and live beyond death . One good reason . How dull would life be even in paradise without our pets who gave us love without expecting much in return .
It’s always hard to let go of a loved pet . I still cry over ones who left me . But I know they are still around and it helps a bit . I’m one of those people who believes in the Rainbow Bridge and live beyond death . One good reason . How dull would life be even in paradise without our pets who gave us love without expecting much in return .
The Rainbow Bridge poem helped me enormously when my 21 year old cat left this world. It really is inspired comfort.
Life is beautiful.
A few years back, we had to make the decision for both our dogs. It was so hard, but we knew it was for the best for them – just not for us… Hugs!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmHugs! 🙁 I’m so sorry this is happening to you. 🙁 Last year when I was still in Vancouver my special childhood pet Sunny had a stroke while my parents were on vacation. It was horrifyingly painful being apart from him while he was dying and My heart will always scream in pain because I was not there while he was dying at the vet’s when my parents decided to release him from his wounded shell. The rainbow bridge poem still helps sustain me over his death. Give Saber lots of hugs and treasure every second. I hope things get better for you! 🙁 (Hugs again!)
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