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This is somewhat in response to the people who have pm’d me, and I have had to say I am out of town at the moment. And partially because I wanted to say it to people who might have an ideas, or perspectives on this, since I’m having a hard time dealing with all this.
ralse to, died unexpectedly in his sleep. We had been emailing the night before about buying a birthday present for my husband’s upcoming birthday, so he was with it to the end, and even though he had been sick, we didn’t see it coming, and were blind-sided by his death. I think my husband and I could’ve handled his father’s death, but it only proved to be a catalyst for a avalache of more “bad stuff.”We drove down on saturdayfrom our home in NC, to Fl. My husband has talked to his older brother, who lived with his father, and his older brother was making all the arrangements. We ere going down for the funeral and to help with the house and everything else. We had last spoken to my brother-in-law friday night, and let him know we would be there by saturday evening.
When we got there, we found my brother-in-law unconscious and unresponsponsive, barely breathing. We at first thought he had gotten sick, because he hadn’t wanted to eat or drink after his father died, despite my husband making him promise to to at least drink something. We quickly found out that my brother in law, who also had some health problems, and decided to take his own life. The hospital stated he had taken a massive overdose of over the counter meds, and he had left a note for his brother, and friends to find. While we did get him to the hospital alive, numerous tests showed that we had still been too late. Despite the best efforts to the two hospitals (transferred him to a bigger speciality hospital for more testing to see if there was any hope, my brother in law died on wednesday.
My mother in law had died years ago, so this was the last of my husband’s family, and he lost them both in a handful of days. He had thought we would all be together, and grieve over his dad together, and instead, he lost everything. And we also found out that my father-in-law, for reasons unknown to us, had taken out a massive loan on his house….more than it was worth, 2 years ago, no word to anyone why, no evidence of what he did with the money. We were told the only thing we could do to save ourselves from the massive debt was to walk away from everything, even leaving behind all of his father’s/brother’s things besides photos and small personal items. So not only did his family die, but they left us with absolutely nothing. not even enough to bury them with.
We (even my family, who was close to his family) are all in such shock it’s hard to event hink at this point. And I don’t even know what to do for my husband, other than just be with him.
Keeper of the Fledgings
OMG, Azurielle, I’m so sorry! One of my close friends lost both her mother and her grandmother (her mom’s mother) in December last year, on the same day – different reasons, like your husband’s family – so I’ve seen what it can do emotionally.
I hope you guys can still find comfort with your family and your friends. I can’t offer any advice – just support, sympathy and hugs.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmSo very sorry for your shocking double loss, and what your poor husband (and you too) must be going through right now. What heartbreak. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your husband. Take comfort in the fact that you are there for your husband and he’s there for you. I hope your father-in-law and brother-in-law are free from their pain.
It’s not much help, but I also have lost all my family. The best thing to do is find very close friends. I now have sooo many people to help “look out for me” that my life is now full of true family members. Remember it’s not just who your parents are that make yoy family. Best wishes and prayers.
I’m so sorry azurielle. I know that there isn’t anything I can say that will help, just know your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh Azurielle, I’m so sorry for your losses! I send you my best wishes and *hugs*. I guess all you can do at this stage is be there for one another, and remember to vent to close friends and your family Azurielle. A problem shared is a problem halved! It might help with the grieving process. *hugs* I feel for you. I really do.
I really don’t have anything to add but Hugs for both of you. Losing my Grandmother a couple of weeks ago has been really hard. And I’m sorry for your double loss.
I am so sorry for your losses, azurielle.. I can’t honestly imagine what you and your husband are going through right now. To lose two family members so close together is a tragedy, having them be your husband’s remaining family members is unspeakably tragic. I really hope you can both get through this, I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you and your husband in the coming weeks.
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Please visit My Webpage to see my art and PYO's that I've done in the past!Oh my goodness..such heartbreak. 🙁 I cannot imagine how you or your husband must be feeling. I am so sorry to hear about this. You and your husband are in my prayers. 🙁
I wanted to add that the best way to cope and to heal from this loss is to talk about it with each other. Don’t forget to express your feelings openly to help the healing process.
We’re doing a little better, now, I guess. Feels like everything is settling a bit. I’m sure it’s still going to be a while before we really get “over” this. The first few days felt like forever, but now it feels like we can breathe a little again. Thanks for all the kind thoughts and words. We’ll get there. It was just so shocking.
Keeper of the Fledgings
I am so sorry to hear this! What a horrible shock! What’s sad is that you have to walk away from everything–it’s hard not to be able to have even a memento out of the place. That is so sad! I do feel for your husband and the only thing you can do is be with him. I wish you and your family all the comfort and send positive, warm thoughts your way.
I am so sorry – my heart goes out to both of you. Being there for your husband is the best thing to do for him. But don’t forget you are grieving as well and so I hope you have someone you can talk to as well.
I lost a close family member to suicide. I strongly recommend counseling for both you and your husband if it is at all possible and if it something you would be comfortable doing. For one thing it is normal to have feelings of anger toward the person who died (especially in this situation) but then the survivor feels guilty. Counseling helps deal with such feelings. It is hard enough to lose one family member but to loose two in such a way is nearly unbearable. I hope there is someone you both could talk to and who could help you cope with this double loss. I also hope I have not offended or upset you with this suggestion. It is just that I know how hard it is to deal with loosing someone to suicide.
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