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I’m glad she’ll be with you when you call the shelter. She needs to hear what they say. Best of luck. **hugs and chocolate**
I’m so sorry for you and your mom. My step-dad was verbally abusive to me and my mom. Thank God I am married now and out of that house, so I don’t have to deal with him anymore! He used to just fly off the handle about every little thing. I remember one time him screaming at the top of his lungs at me because I didn’t turn off the bathtub faucet completely. I was 10 for crying out loud! He would call me names like sh!$ for brains and dumb a$$, if I made one little mistake. My mom would get in arguments with him about his yelling at us all the time. She would even try to encourage me to stick up for myself whenever he would yell at me about something stupid. I was always too afraid of him though. I was just afraid to say anything around him. I would actually whisper to my mom asking her if I could have ice cream for dessert… cause I didn’t want him to hear me! He always had something mean to say when I wanted something. As I got older though, I would try to get her to realize he’s never going to change… and we should leave. But she was always too soft, and would always give in to him. She really loves him, and is too afraid to go on without him. My mom has actually seperated from him 4 or 5 times during their 15 year marriage. She kept going back though, because he promised to get better. Well, he would for a short period of time… and then just go right back to his evil a$$hole self! She would lose sleep over it and got sick a lot of the time because of the stress. I remember her even taking up smoking one year because of it. The last time she seperated from him… it was about 3 years ago. I was out of the house living with my fiance. She actually moved down to Georgia and got her own condo near where my aunt lived. She was going to divorce him once and for all. She found out he was seeing someone else while they were seperated… he admitted it. And it was going on while she was still with him!!! Somehow though, he was able to convince her it was all over and that he was really going to change. She went back to him!!!! I was so angry with her. I couldn’t ever understand why she would go back to him after all he has put her through. She is still with him to this day though, and she says everything is going fine. 🙄 But I still wonder from time to time.
Sorry for the long story guys… it could have been longer sadly.
Arlla, don’t let your mother be like mine. Your mother’s situation does sound a little worse than the one me and my mother went through together. But it does seem like your mom is actually determined to get away from him, and will actually listen to you. Do your best to keep her from going back to him though. It will just be more heartbreaking and unhealthy for her if she does. I hope everything will get better for you guys soon. Good luck and be strong… both of you! *hugs* 🙂
Sorry to all who has had to go through something like this. Arlla, keeping my fingers crossed for you and your mom. Bring lots of big and scary men to help with the move.
So, wow…
We actually went to a domestic violence counseling center on Friday. We’re going to be talking to a divorce lawyer on Monday (I hope. If we can get one that soon.) ….if things go as they should this week, she’ll leave the house one of these mornings (hopefully monday) and not have to go back.
She’s been planning for the past few months on coming with us to Oregon, though she still couldn’t commit to actually divorcing him. She thought she would just go and if he didn’t react violently they’d just remain separated…I really didn’t think that was going to work, and I told her so, but that was her plan. But he’s not stupid, and as much as she tried to pretend that everything was normal at home, I KNOW he’s caught wind of her plans. Or at least of her intentions. For a while he was sicky sweet to her, bringing out photos and objects from when they were dating and just married, and telling her he loved her every day when he hadn’t done that for years and years. But apparently he’s screaming at her all the time now, locking her in the house and shutting all the blinds when she comes home from work, never letting her be alone, never leaving the house when she’s there, checking the bank account every two hours when she’s out and calling her to ask what she’s spending money on when she does. She said on Friday that she thinks he’s going to start hitting her again soon, and she was afraid enough that she actually wanted to talk to a lawyer about getting a divorce.
We’re cleaning out my grandmother’s house because she’s moved in with my husband and I. It’s a huge job throwing all the accumulated garbage away and bringing her possessions over here, and it’s taken several months. My father got more and more irritated that he wasn’t included in the job, so last week he finally insisted that he come and “help.” Which of course meant that he took everything he could that he liked, saying that the old lady didn’t need it and that she was going to die soon anyway. Among the things he took was my deceased grandfather’s officer’s sword, which is precious to my grandmother.
…*sigh* This is miserable.
With luck, mom will get to see a lawyer on Monday, and with luck, she won’t have to go home that night. And if that’s the case, we’re leaving for a while…
"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom."
-J R R TolkienOh, Arlla, I so hope everything goes fine! Big hugs!
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htm*hugs* Hang in there, I’m glad she’s out, that’s progress. It’s a horrible stress to cope with this sort of situation. Keep us posted, and know we’re here for you. 🙂
Yikes! That is a crappy situation! It sounds like you and your mother are taking the correct steps. If you tell the correct people that you are in fear of your life from this man, then they should be able to help you there as well. Just go through it all… no going back.
Good call on the gun, if you are not ready then getting one would be a bad idea.
I hope the best for y’all!
Heavens! I hope your Mom sticks to her decision and doesn’t back down. I also hope you can get her out safely without a lot of problems.
I would make sure that your Grandfather’s sword is demanded back, and I would have your Grandmother press charges for theft with the police asap. The sword is hers, he has no right to take it, period.
Charge him with the theft of the sward after you get Mom out though. But the sword needs to be returned and he needs to be taught that you women will not take his agressive nasty behavior laying down.
I’m sorry you are going through all this, especially with your new job and move ahead of you all at the same time. I’d send your Mom and Grandmother up to the new house in Oregon as soon as you can manage it once you have her out. The sooner they are out of reach, the safer they will be.
Good luck and keep us in the loop.
Kyrin
This is awful!!!! Get your Mom out as fast as you can!!! Don’t let her back down!! And I agree about getting the sword back. 😕
I wish you and your family did not have to go through this. Good luck to you. I hope everything goes well and your mother stands her ground.
Maybe this well give you some hope. My Mother-In-law stayed with her abusive husband for thirty years. He pushed her down the stairs and broke her leg and that was finally the last straw. She got in touch with a shelter, got a restraining order, and finally got a divorce. She even got money out of him and is much happier now. If she could do it, then your Mom can too. Best of luck to you.
I would be far more worried about that sword being in his possession, especially since the news as of late may be giving him ideas!!! 😯 😯 😯 I hope your mother also gets a restraining order and includes in it that he has stolen the sword, so it’s in his possession and that he does also have access (At the very least) to guns!!! My mother helped a friend get out of one of these situations when I was little, and the Dip$#!+ actually held Mom’s friend, their 2 daughters, & Me hostage a,and I think maybe my mom too,at gun point, that was until my Mother took him down 😈 😈 My mom really is the Epitome of “Dragon Lady”, I could try and figure out how to get your mom to one of my Mom’s “Bitch Parties” we got my Best Friend out of one of these situations before it got to the point of Marriage, but I think it would be a little hard to get your mom to Labrador 😀 I know we’d be there to help your mom if possible, and that I hope you can get together a storm of people to go in with you to get her stuff while the Police restrain him, so that it’s very fast and he can’t say boo. And then disappear.
I can also see 2 reasons why your Mom may not want to divorce him once she’s out, because 1 she’s not ready for that, but 2 she may also realize that her address will be on court papers, and maybe even on retraining orders, unless there’s some way of her having them keep it sealed away from him due to the probability (and I don’t think mere Possibility would work) that he would violate them and go after her/you.
Good Luck and Well Wishes!!
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