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My fiance has just been told that he’s got little to no chance of getting hired back next year… which sucks for him.
The kicker is, that this news is actually *good* for me, technically. See, he’s teaching up in Ardmore, near Cold Lake, and I’m in Edmonton. You can’t just commute from Ardmore to Edmonton every day, that’s about 2 1/2 hours, so we’ve been living separately. I like my job, I just got a huge raise in December ($3/hour more), and am seriously getting upper management to look my way (which can pave the way for advancement later). Also, there wasn’t much for a Chem Tech with Food experience in Cold Lake. All oil. And really, I like the kind of work I’m doing.
So I’m having difficulty feeling sad for him. He’s also losing a job he loves, and I’m having trouble being where he is emotionally. I feel sad because he’s upset (it makes me upset when he is, because I don’t like seeing him that way), but I feel relieved that I probably won’t have to do another job hunt, or leave a job I love. And I feel awful that I feel relieved. Honestly it’s made me sick.
Can someone tell me that I’m not a horrible person for feeling this? Because I feel like I’m being a really bad future wife here.
You are not a horrible person. Sometimes things simply work the way they need to. The thing is, neither of you should be unhappy, so neither of you should expect the other to be unhappy for their sake. You DO feel bad that he feels bad, but it certainly is not wrong to feel relieved. Things will work out. It might take time and effort, but it will work out.
You are not a bad person, emotions and individuality are wierd things. If you care that he is having a hard time with it and understand that this is hard for him, that is way better than totaly being numb to it or ‘not caring’.
There was this boy I really liked in highschool. He was driving down the highway and it was raining, well the car in front of him hit the brakes and he hydroplained and rear ended the person. When he called and told me, he was freaked out.
I asked if he was ok, was he injured, how bad was the crash? He was ok and, just shook up, the car just was crunched in the front end. At that point I was calm and advising him on whip lash injury. He got upset or hurt at me, because I was not reacting with emotion…it came off to him that I did not care.
That was not the case, I did care, a lot. But my thinking was different from his and my emotional reaction to things very different. To him, he could have died, and that would have been the end of things, and it scared him bad. To me, he could have, but he didn’t, actualy the crash was not that bad and he was ok..so I did not have an outword emotional reaction.*pats on the back*
It’s the usual debate: who’s job is more important? To you, personally, yours is. To him, same thing. It sucks he’ll need to find another one, but it’s a job – he can find another one.
So no, you’re not a horrible person.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmYou are not a horrible person. You are a totally normal person with normal emotions. Emotions aren’t bad or good – they just are. And it is normal to feel relieved that you don’t have to leave a job you love and look for another job, especially in the current job market. Just be there for your boyfriend and support him during this difficult time.
🙂 I also vote that you’re not a horrible person. You didn’t cause him to lose his job or not to be hired back. Things happen and they happen for a reason. Sounds like you have a great job with a great raise as well. Hopefully, your finance will find something else that he’ll love as well. When life tosses you lemons, make lemonade. But sometimes that easier said than done.
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