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:shout: OMG, that spider is not at your place right Laurie?
😮 If so I’ll be affraid to look in any box you send me.
I’ll be opening it outside to make sure if it’s in the box and jumps out it will land in the snow instaid of my floor. 😉Watch the talking cats first, then the translation 😆
Cats talking:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974And the translation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JynBEX_kg8&feature=relatedBarrdwing wrote:The first video played great, but the link to the second one isn’t working for me. Help? 😕
Whoops! So sorry, I edited it, is it working now? 😳
Hehe…. Cute. I got to the second video after the first one ended so… I wouldn’t know if the second link works (the link did match up though, if that helps).
Sean and Ethan (and mum) luuuuurrvv the first clip… and the translation is cute 🙂
twindragonsmum 🙂
tdm
Those kitties sure are chatterboxes. It’s cute for a couple minutes, but I hope they don’t talk that much all the time. Poor owner if they do!
I saw those ones before and they STILL put a smile on my face and make me laugh. 😀 XD
Thanks for the links.Twain-Colonoscopy Story — Thanks, SR..
To those of us who have had the experience…..very funny.
.. I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed
me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over
the place, at one point passing briefly through MinneapolisThen Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really
hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ‘HE’S GOINGTO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’
I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for
a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a
microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it
to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s
enemies..I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In
accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I
had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder
together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water
(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons)Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because
MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and
urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose watery bowel
movement may result.’ This is kind of like saying that after you jump off
your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but:
Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep
experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the
bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you
figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, atwhich point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the
future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my
wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried
about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of
MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you
apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be
enough.At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and
totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a
room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little
curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital
garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on,
makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already
lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered
what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom,
so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no
choice but to burn your house.When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where
Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the
17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I
was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side,
and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my
hand.There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
‘Dancing Queen’ by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that couldbe playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ has to be the
least appropriate. ‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere
behind me.‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time,the moment I had been dreading for
more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am
going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like..I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking
‘Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine …’ and the next moment,
I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was
looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even
more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon
had passed with flying colors.I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prise-winning humer columnist for the Miami Herald.
“A liter is about 32 gallons” – I laughed all the way through this. Thanks, 2Huberts. 😆 😆 😆
Quote:you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
Priceless! 😆
IT COULD ONLY HAPPEN IN TOBERMORY
This is a true story from Tobermory in Ontario. Recently a Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few centimeters, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man’s intoxication.
The Police officer said – ‘I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station – this breathalyser equipment must be broken.’
‘I doubt it,’ said the man, “tonight I’m the designated decoy”.
Living in Wisconsin, I thought this was hilarious 😳
Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler
December 08 6:00 PM: It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 09: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry – we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again.I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska , after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God, I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.December 20: Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the white stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more Inches of snow fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think he is lying.
December 23: Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.
December 24: 6 inches – Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his b***s and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.December 25:Merry freaking Christmas! 20 more inches of the white slop tonight – snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31: I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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