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Oh, Sweety, I’m so sorry! I guess you both need time… Do keep up some contact, though. I think in a way he needs to figure out how to deal with all of this. But he needs to accept that this part of you. It wouldn’t be any different than if, let’s say, you were diabetic. I hope you can find the right meds and eventually go on your trip, no matter how things stand between you.
Hugs!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI agree with dragonmedley. Taking some time and gaining some space to think will be helpful for both of you. Has this been Ben’s first serious relationship? If it is, then this was the first time he discovered just how much it can hurt when something happens to a relationship. He’s dealing with his own pain and confusion, just as you are working through your own. Stay in touch, but give the situation time and space. Each of you may want to help the other, but the truth of it is that the emotions are something you each need to work out for yourselves. I think maybe both of you have sensed that on a deep level. Asking for space is the natural response.
Yes, paint it out! Even if it’s dark, paint paint paint. Use your creativity and your preferred mediums to express how you are feeling. Eventually some answers will begin bubbling up in your work. Your subconscious can answer the really hard questions, like “why?” and “how?” and “now what?”, but it has a hard time putting those answers into words. It can talk through the painting, though. May take some time, but time is what you have, and there’s no more important thing in the world right now than healing.
Hang in there, my friend. I’m sending you a great big hug with a few stray chicken feathers on it. 🙂
little bit of advice since I know this is probably happening as you go to sleep since you’ll definitely miss him then….try thinking of a movie from start to end to keep your mind busy on that rather than sad thoughts….it’s worked for everyone I’ve recommended it to so far….
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Getting the feeling out somehow will help. Painting is definately a good way to express your feelings, good and bad both =)
BUt otherwise ….HUGS
Alright so I’m trying really hard to be I don’t know half sane? I haven’t talked to Ben in a week… not a peep or e-mail at all. It’s all just killing me… I talked to about everything he was my best friend. I know I need to be okay with this, it’s happened and there’s nothing I can do to change it.
I just can’t believe everything is all gone. I’ve been crying myself to sleep at night. I wish he lived closer it would be less complicated to try and make this all work.
My art is coming along… it’s hard to look at it though. I haven’t been this morbid since 2007.
I know. It’s really, really hard. I wish there were some way to make this easier for you. But at the same time I’m glad that you are being honest with yourself about how you feel, and creating an outlet for those painful feelings through your art. Sometimes what we feel on the inside offends our conscious mind, and the conscious mind tries to deny what it doesn’t like. But that doesn’t make the feelings go away, or be any less real and valid. That’s where having a non-harmful outlet for those feelings is so important. With time and that outlet, the sheer volume of painful feelings will decrease. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel, really truly. Just hang in there.
Thanks bardwing, I wrote an e-mail to ben explaining that I’m still here and I want to work things out and that I love him. So I feel a bit better now. I’m still going to need to get my paintings done to help relieve the stress. But I think since I know that Ben knows exactly how I feel that if nothing happens and things stay as they are… I’ll know I tried my best.
My goal for the summer is to get a job working at a pear sorting facility or picking pears. It pays well and it gets me out in nature to a certain degree. Then I’m going to go back to school for Psych. I’m finale eligible for financial aid :3
I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for your trip! I hope you feel better and that things will work out with your boyfriend. Having panic attacks are not fun–yes, it is heartbreaking that you may have lost this relationship over this. It’s good that you’re painting–it helps with the stress.
Ben finale e-mailed me back. I don’t know if or when I will here from him again. At first I was really hopeful and then I talked with a guy I know… and he said it sounded like Ben was trying to tie up loose ends. Since then I have felt really sick. Ben doesn’t seem sure about his decision…he hasn’t even taken time for himself to think about everything that happened.
At least he gave me his address so I can send him his things. I had gotten him morphos butterfly cuff-links to match a necklace and earrings I got for myself. I’m hoping that they will remind him of something.
This monday I have a psychiatrist appt so… at this moment even though I’m scared I’m so depressed over this huge loss in my life I just want something to make it go away.
Hang in there. It’s so tough right now, I know. But at least he did email you back….and perhaps he will continue to do some thinking on his own.
Treat yourself well this weekend and just paint and kick back. Monday will be here before you know it. Don’t be frightened, just go in there with the attitude that you need help and that person is there to give you the help you need. 🙂
Sending hugs.
Hang in there. It’s so tough right now, I know. But at least he did email you back….and perhaps he will continue to do some thinking on his own.
Treat yourself well this weekend and just paint and kick back. Monday will be here before you know it. Don’t be frightened, just go in there with the attitude that you need help and that person is there to give you the help you need. 🙂
Sending hugs.
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