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Okay, I think I just need a bit more help with this, this time around. I guess I better get explaining. I’ve been engaged for about 2yrs now and in his line of work he travels alot. Its actuall title is field archeologist. So Ryan goes around many places in here in the states and looks for artifacts and dead people. He came back for a week from being in Indiana and Ohio for about two months, not the longest he’s been away, but still it keeps getting harder. Its more of an emotional journey than one would think. He’s been away for as long as six months and not been able to come back for a visit. Every time he goes it gets harder and harder to keep myself busy and from thinking about it. Right now he’s going the farthest he’s ever been from me, New Mexico which is completely on the other end of the states from where I am. So I’m asking for suggestions of things I can do to keep myself busy because I’ve run out of ideas.
So far I’ve learned how to quilt, learned guitar, saxophone, harmonica, piano, and learned Italian. I’m out of ideas.
What about reading? Want book recommendations? What about a cooking class? Gardening? Horse riding? Does your job keep you where you are? Or can you go visit him? (Not that I’m biased, but NM is lovely w/plenty to do. Where in NM is he?) Of course, you could always start painting PYOs! (Or do you already?) Very time consuming, fun & fulfilling.
Books really are my life. I’m always reading or writing something. I’m already a good cook if I say so myself and as for gardening, I have a nasty little habbit of killing everything I touch >_< There aren't any more places to horse back ride around here, there used to be tons. My job doesn't so much keep me from going but, my family needs me and I'm still trying to sort out this ordeal I've been having trying to transfer from one college to another. As for PYO's, I'm afraid with my past experience with paint would prove it to be well…I'll leave it to your imagination but trust me, the end result wouldn't look good.
Boskydragon mentioned some good things. Here’s some thoughts from a U.S. Army wife who’s husband is deployed for the second time.
Are you working? That’s one thing to do. How about school? Getting a degree (or a second one) takes up a lot of time. Do you like animals? What about horse back riding lessons or volunteering at the local animal shelter? Do you like kids? How about volunteering with Boys and Girls Club or some similar program? Your forum name is The RedWriter so I presume you like to write. How about writing a novel?
It’s always tough to be without your significant other. When my husband and I started dating we lived 200 miles apart and were lucky to see each other twice a month. Then we got engaged and he got stationed in Germany for two years. We got married, had just over a year together, our son was born and he was deployed for 12 months. He came home for 18 months and is now gone again for 15 months. We joke about how our relationship gets longer and longer distance. I’ll only get to see him for two weeks sometime in November (hopefully). We exchange email and try to chat via the phone or an IM program as often as we can. Try to do the same with your fiance.
Since we have a 2.5 year old boy I have him to help keep me busy, but I still find myself searching for things to do. I used to read a lot and cross stitch, but those are activities I can’t do when the boy’s awake so the new books are piling up and the cross stitch sits waiting for the day I have time to pick it up again. Even painting the few PYOs I have was mostly done while he was sleeping.
Didn’t mean to ramble about myself so much. I have an idea what you are going through since I’m in a similar situation.
So, you’ve been engaged for two years, and I assume he’s been doing this job since you’ve been together? If not, this is his career and will most likely continue onward through his and yours. My question is, if you’re having a hard time with being alone and unoccupied now, how would it be when you’re married? I’m not saying it will ever be easy, but what is a liveable solution for you? Thinking in the long term may make things easier for you to bear the short term. If you want to make time fly while he’s away… Plan your wedding. 😯 Or, if you’re not ready for that, something just as big. A party of some kind? Something that keeps you looking for his return will make it easier. After that well, get a kid. That’ll keep you busy 😛 .
And I suspect that learning something, taking classes, as you have found- is temporary and is not a permenant solution. You need something for your every day life to “fill” the absense.
Just advice and not something I practice in my daily life because I throw a fit every time my husband is just coming home late… 😆 just kidding.. not really… 🙁My father-in-law is a long-haul trucker. He leaves on the Monday and comes back on the Friday most of the time, but he can get 2-week trips. My mom-in-law is on her own all week long. I don’t know how she does it. Now she no longer works, ’cause she’s sick, so she goes with him, but when I met my husband 15 years ago, she was fine. She had a daycare at home. When the kids were gone, she’d go shopping, garden, whatever. Then she’d read and watch TV before going to bed.
I guess it was a routine she settled into. You have to find that same level of comfort. As long as you know and accept that it won’t change (and subconsciously, that’s what might be the hardest), you’ll find your groove.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI admire you for doing this. I could never do that and have my other half far away from me. Althought, that might happen someday if my bf goes on tour with his band. If you like watching kids, I would say that would probably help you. Or, maybe you could get a second job….the money could always go to Windstones or something else. The other ppl had good ideas as well.
Speaking as someone who doesn’t handle being away from the hubby very well, the best thing I’ve found is to set up “projects” to give the time some structure. You’ve got a fairly long stretch of time to deal with, so the old “catch up on the yukky parts of housekeeping” thing isn’t much help. 😉 So–can we turn this time into something beneficial for you, yourself? Were there other classes that you didn’t have time for in school but wished you could have taken? Are there classes that would be useful to you in your writing? (It’s amazing what can be useful. I took a course on California geology because I had to, and I still use the material!) What would further your career, or refresh your enjoyment in your writing? Is there something that you’ve always wanted to do but that doesn’t interest your fiance? This would be an ideal time to do it.
You’ve learned several instruments. Are there any bands or small performance groups in the area that you’d like to join? Would you be interested in playing the piano for the residents at a seniors’ center (assuming they have a piano)? I can guarantee they’d love some music. And music is a good way to let off emotional stress. Wind instruments also encourage deep breathing, which relieves stress. When you’re feeling really down, pick up that sax or the harmonica and have a good old blow. 🙂
And regarding painting: heck, get a Muse. You can’t do wrong by her–she’s very forgiving. Really. Besides, she’s cute, woogly eyes and all. Hardly needs the Dixie cup.
Hang in there. You can always find company here if you need it! 🙂
I always want to learn glass blowing.. maybe you should look into some art classes or something else you might be interested in..
How about something physical, like rock climbing or training for a marthon? How about Karate or Judo? Perhaps repelling? Triathalons? Those things are fun for me and make me feel better.
🙂
There is always college classes, too.skigod377 wrote:How about something physical, like rock climbing or training for a marthon? How about Karate or Judo? Perhaps repelling? Triathalons? Those things are fun for me and make me feel better.
🙂
There is always college classes, too.I use to take hip hop and jazz classes… they are good when you are mad because you just take it out in the dance and it makes it look better… And it’s good for the body… or maybe belly dancing to wow your boy toy when he gets home…
Wow, thanks for the suggestions. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to check up on this. I’ve been down in Morgantown taking care of my nephew for a week. I’ll try and catch up with all of your suggestions. There will probaby be severel typos in this so bare with me.
pegasi1978:
I have the utmost respect and support for our troops and especially army wives. My cousin is in the service and I’ve prayed for the troops and their families since the war began and I’ll continue to do so till the war is done.Unfortunatly I could not find a job this summer, its the only summer I’ve been unable to find one. The local Steel Mill over the past 4 years has laid off thousands of employees and needless to say that jobs around here and 42 miles surrounding are pretty sparce. Seeing as gas prices the way they are I can’t go more than 50 miles away for work cause I’d be spending more money on gas than I’d be making with the minimum wage jobs I’d have to find. As for school this is the first summer I’ve taken off from summer school and the regular school year in 4 years. I was starting to get burnt out from not taking a break. Oddly enough it was Ryan that suggested that I take a break. Silly me, I listen to him and he goes away 😛
I do a lot of volunteering at my church and that’s kept me more busy than I thought it would in the past few weeks. And I do write, I’m currently working on my 3rd and 4th novels right now, which I haven’t published because I’m a perfectionist and I edit like crazy before the thought of publishing even enters my mind. I keep myself more busy than I realize but the distance really doesn’t even start to bother me till about the 4th week of him being away. So as of right now I’m alright and when it does begin to drag me down I’ll take on some more things to keep me busy and talk to all of you.
safyre_dream:
Not exactly, he was a semester away from graduating and then he started doing field work. I knew what I was getting into when I even considered dating him because which was in itself a stretch because at the time I was dead set on not getting into any kind of relationship. It is a very funny story of how we met, not so much funny as cute. But I fell in love with him anyway. And I wouldn’t be able to do this if I didn’t love that oaf. (If any of you would like to know how we met just ask, I’ll gladly tell you)He has to get a lot of field work in before gradschool because the more field work he does the more it will help him find and get admitted into a good college. There are many forms of anthropology and he’s still weighing his options but whatever he chooses I’ll be behind him 100% because I would never make him choose between being with the one he loves and doing what he loves. I’d hate for him to wake up every day and hate the job he’s doing because he turned down what he loved to do. He said he would drop it all for me too and I told him no, I would never let him do that and if he did I would slap him so hard his clothes would be out of style by the time he’d wake up. I make that clear to him because if he dropped everything for me like that, eventually years down the line when he is so miserable from the job he is doing he’ll regret ever stopping persuing what he loves and eventually that would build to anamosity against me. He says I’m worth it but still, I love him and if it means sacrifices then I’m willing to makes them and go along with them. Road less traveled I guess. There are many anthropology jobs that are stationary too so he may pick one of those, but I’ve always stressed to him to do what he loves.
I’m not catering toward him either, I’m going to school too so when that starts it will keep me busy.
dragonessjade:
You learn to cope, he’s been traveling like this from a year and a half though I know I don’t have it near as bad as most people it doesn’t make it any easier. Maybe if your bf goes on tour you could go with him. If not, try learning Italian, trust me it’ll keep you busy.Barrdwing:
I’ve taken on some housekeeping hurdles but there really aren’t that many. I’ve pretty much taken everything I need to take, in my field and and out side of it. At this point I just want to go and get done with it as soon as possible. I used to have a band a few years back and we were pretty darn good if I say so myself (acustic and electric, etc.), I might just be a tad bias though 😛 I was the song writer and composer for half of the songs and J.R. (pianist) composed the other half, Lynn was on base, and Hale was our drummer. We were doing well till high school finished up and we all scattered to the wind to go to college.Thanks, I’ll be here and the days that get to me.
Tc_cat333:
Come to think of it that does sound like a lot of fun. I wonder if we have any glass blowing classes around here. There is an old glass factory in Wheeling, I should go check it out next week.I’ve taken dancing classes but they were mostly to train me for balance to aid me in my martial arts training.
skigod377:
I’ve done Karate for years, I’m currently a 3rd degree ninjitsu master, it goes up to six but after the 2nd degree its pretty much just training yourself. I have gotten into kick boxing but its kind of hard to find a good place to train. I’ve always been an active person so its easy to keep myself busy but for some reason lately I’ve just been unmotivated and tired.One of the best things of being in ninjitsu is playing lazer tag or hide and go seek. Because ninjitsu is all about stealth and being quick on your feet. I’ve taken dance classes to teach myself more balance so I could get to were I am in my ninjitsu, I’ve been in several competitions. Two years ago I was on ESPN because I made it through the preliminaries and I made it to the semi finals before a Kato master finally wipped the floor with me. Sometimes I still feel the blows he gave me. (Kato is using the other oponents strength against them and using your own weight to just toss the oponent around) It was a really good fight though. I wasn’t completely overwhelmed but it was just an honor to fight someone of his caliber. He won in the finals. I still keep in touch with him by e-mail. He’s continued into Japan to continue his training and enter competitions there.
I’m ranting, sorry >_<, when it comes to karate I get a bit carried away, its one of my passions.
I just graduated with a degree in anthropology. Im glad to here there are things to do with it. Maybe you should take a class or two in it. You might like it and I know that there are many husband and wife couples that work in anthropology together.
I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a WeaselWow! That Ninjitsu story was awesome!! Not that you got beat up, but that you got to fight someone who won the finals! How cool is that? If you gotta get beat up, get beat up by the best! 😀
I took an Anthropology class and found it very interesting. You’re right, there are several different areas he can get in to with a job like that.(I think there were 4 groups and they subdivided into several other groups) It was cool to learn about other cultures, though it was not something I would pursue.
BPB has an idea, though… maybe you would like it?
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