May the Zorse be with you…

You mean am I still doing the Wildlife Biologist thing? Oh yes. I’ve gone toe-to-toe and head-to-head with the roughest terrain Oregon has to offer in the quest for the Northern Spotted Owl. I’m headed back up there tomorrow to delve into the temperate rainforest searching for it. I’ve sat at the negotiations and discussions of the science for the new Spotted Owl management plan, and I lead the way into investigations of new, and innovative thinking to hopefully help save this threatened bird. When not doing that, I photograph owls, or harass other avian denizens of the forest. Or hunting for deer, bear and elk. Or… well. You get the idea. WILDLIFE ERRYWHERE.

(Do not take this image. It is my intellectual property. And I had to hike my ass off to reach this bird. It is considered a right of passage in the biologist world to get these images of the animal you study after grueling and hard work.)

You asked honestly, and seriously, so here is my assessment of the situation concerning bigfoot…

In my experience, there is no such thing as bigfoot, and I have seen absolutely no evidence that would convince me of the presence of an ape living in the woods. The few tracks people have shown me that they said were certifiably bigfoot tracks were nothing more than muddled bear tracks. Strange sounds in the woods, said to be bigfoot “Mating calls” were nothing more than trees rubbing together in the wind, producing strange groaning and screeching noises.

From a biologist who studies wildlife, I find it impossible to believe that there is a self-sustaining, breeding population of large hominid that thrives in the backwoods that has remained “undiscovered” – apes and monkeys tend to be social at some level, some moreso than others, making them extremely likely to be discovered if present. An animal that big is impossible to miss if there is in fact a breeding population. “Absence of proof is not proof of absence” not only shifts the accountability, but holds no water. Until someone brings me a dead one, or gives me a picture/video crisp and clear enough to count hairs on the inside of it’s nose, then my lack of belief remains firm. Even when the platypus was thought to be an elaborate hoax, they were able to produce dead specimens to prove their existence – unlike bigfoot where the primary source of observation is someone supposedly seeing one. Furthermore almost all bigfoot footage has been revealed to be – at best – a very inelaborate and poorly done hoax. I could probably produce a far, far more believable hoax given my background, except for my my damnable professional honor. Otherwise I’d be laughing my way to the bank, as do many self-proclaimed “Bigfoot biologists”. Unlike them, I have actually earned my stripes in the field of wildlife biology.

…on the other hand, I have pranked the unsuspecting using bigfoot when the opportunity presented itself, and adequate gullible people were available. So… the only “Bigfoot” I know of has been myself. I’ve also convinced people jackalopes exist, and that “chicken of the sea” really is an aquatic avian. Mummified opossums I have also found make great chupacabras to scare people with.