Being the Strong One…

Normally I would not send this into the Forum BUT, I need to rant, vent and let it out before tomorrow…not seeking attention, just need to get it out where my hubby and son will never see…

My husband, James, experienced pretty intense chest pains two weeks ago and did not let us, his family, know of these pains. We own a a horse breeding farm and board many others. We also adopt horses that others could not afford to feed, bring them back to health and offer them for sale to “forever homes” that can take care of them…All our horses are hand fed twice a day with hay and grain, with one stallion in a stall which requires twice a day mucking as well as we both work regular jobs. Needless to say, we are busy, as well as equal partners in all of the work, including housework. He is semi-traditional…a man thing, he has to take care of us sort of thing…LOL! I found him crunched up in the barn and sent him to the doc. He did not go straight to the hospital as requested but under went an ultrasound at the office which showed “what seemed to be a blockage” as quoted by the doc. His heart cath is tomorrow, Thursday. We are scared, he has no history of high cholesterol, nor family history of anything but cancer…so while I am one tough woman around him, right now I feel extremely micro-hearted and panicky, did I spell that right? Jeez! I am venting. I know these cath’s are considered routine now a days but still, I hang in the unknown and feel such a wimp at the moment. He is our bread winner and I am merely an after thought as far as income goes, we have struggled with the current horse market and have just gotten caught up from the hay shortage from last year where the prices of hay were outrageous and not to mention the fuel prices…I can not even begin to imagine life changing health issues dragging us back down now since we have just reached the climax of the financial pit we were in, let alone how to cope with all of that once again without going insane…I will be strong for him, but I need to be weak right now, so thank you for listening…

To others who are in a similar situation, it is hard, be strong for those who need it. Smile at them and put your arms around them. I send VIRTUAL HUGS to you all…