Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
It is seven o’clock and I am alone still. I am attempting to be as drunk and as isolated as possible. My husband is, to my knowledge, having an affair. My knife is not sharp enough. My attempts to cut myself have not been successful. I wish I had the guts to cut myself completely to the core. But I don’t… If a main artery were to be cut I wouldn’t have to do this to you, dearest reader, or anyone else anymore. I feel like I have no choice but to get rid of this filth of a human that I am. I just pray that God will find the love in his heart to forgive me for what I have attempted and eventually done. Alcohol is God’s worst creation or allowance for Man’s creation….
I’m so sorry everyone. Your love makes you pure. Please never lose that purity and passion… I love you all…. SO much….Jamie
Bumping again.. but just to let you know that it will now be sold in the Ebay. I’m sorry to those who made bids… I was *hoping* for a little bit more… Greedy of me, but considering my situation.. I have to go for as much as I can. I may lose, but considering the previous bidder that is a risk I am willing to take.
Sigh
I tried to type this up this morning, when the feeling moved me so… but due to work activities and various interruptions, all my hard work was lost after an internet time-out. I, feeling rather embarrassed, assumed it was for the best and simply pushed it away. But it is gnawing at my insides like corrosive material used in suicides. At the suggestion for gumption from eaglefeathers, here it goes:
Murder
First a disclaimer then on to the main point, I am not trying to be whiney or a crybaby or attention-seeker. I am simply someone in an emotional mess who would like the advice from folks who have been in my shoes, or just a different perspective from any walk of life. Maybe something will come about that will help… That’s all I’m hoping for.
Life
My life is “good,” better than most, not as good as others. Got a great job, got a functional car, and a supportive family. But a key part of my life, the most important in my opinion, is falling apart and leaving me broken. My marriage is a disaster. It’s a two-person show and we’ve both failed each other. In more ways than I can count. The emotional and tangible have been damaged both physically and metaphorically. It has been ripped to shreds too many times to repair; the trust is gone, the faith is gone, the love is gone. Our arguments escalate quickly, and violently, and end up with one of us penalized beyond the extent of the crime.
Debt
We have bills as we all do, but things keep happening to make these bills worse. Things that would not have occurred had had either of us kept control. I.E. I threw my diamond ring into the LCD TV monitor, putting a pixel-sized chip in it. He acts more physically and puts knuckles through doors. Never have I actually felt my life threatened, I know in my heart he is not capable of it… plus, it’s always my fault that we have these arguments. And so, by having these arguments we break, damage, ruin things that cost money to repair…
Selling
I’m considering many extreme and permanent options to alleviate my quandary. Lowering my standard for quality of life and selling all of my excessive accessory baubles and things would certainly pull me up from the bottom of debt. $10,000 in “shiny things.” Another consideration is divorce, which would put me further into debt but would eventually keep me safe and sane. I’d like to believe I am capable of recovering from the failure of a two-year marriage. But in reality, I’m afraid it would ruin me completely. Which is the last permanent option that I mildly entertain now, but may feel overly pulled towards later… suicide. It’s a horrible, irrational though brought on by routine depression and uncontrollable fits of anguish.
PTSD
I have since come to terms with an undiagnosed version of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by the unexpected and shocking death of my mother. Though it was two years ago, my pain has not lessened. Not that I expected it to, but it has created an aspect of my emotions leading to angry outbursts and uncontrollable crying. Certain things trigger my explosions and very few things diminish it. When they happen, my husband has a terrible way of going completely into oblivious mode. When I cry, he simply holds me until it “goes way” but when I’m angry… he provokes more fire with his defensive attitude. I can forgive him for not knowing how to help me, but I cannot understand why he has no desire to. There was a short time between fits when it was brought up and we talked about it, determined what was happening, and things calmed down. Life was better, we were happy… but then I made a foolish mistake of good intentions. I am currently in the middle of a project with thousands of my family’s old photographs. Once can imagine how well this went over. Memories after memories flooding back bringing waves of pain and loss. I thought I was handling it well, and even finished organizing piles… but … considering the situation I’m in now, I’m going to have to say it has gotten it’s hold on me.
Counseling
The terrible thing about finding a counselor is that by the time you need one, you can’t get in for an appointment; and when you can get in the crisis has passed. Life is back to normal and you feel you don’t need to interrupt your pacified life for something that costs so much money. And so it was with me. Here I again need desperately guidance and psychotherapy and it’s just too late. Things have been broken- the damage has been done. And I just don’t know what to do. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid to go home. I am afraid to be alone and what I might do to myself if I am.
Here I Am
I leave these pages of failure and disarray in your eyes because I have no one else. I’m sorry for leaning on you guys and I hope many of you can understand … I don’t intend to gain sympathy, just answers. If there are no answers, then at least I have this pain out of my stomach so I may heal.
Thank you,
JamieSorry to see you sell the whole collection! 🙁
I’m considering the wizard mouse… I’ll let you know after I do some number crunching. Unless someone beats me to it… 🙂Kujacker wrote:safyre_dream, it’s funny because JUST TODAY I got a black large flap cat. He’s a lot bigger than I thought! Just found that kind of neat we got the same piece with just days apart.
Sorry for the delay.. but yes! That is neat! 🙂 Enjoy him! I know I missed mine, and being able to see it out on a shelf is soo nice. 🙂
Tintaglia wrote:I’m still looking for an Emerald Young Dragon, if anyone sees one there.
There was in fact an Emerald Young, and wolflodge had wanted him but he has a chip in his face and some other “bites”. If you want him, talk to Jvargas about a purchase. They “might” make a deal.
PhoenixTears wrote:Anyone know if they have male and/or female Kirins? Or a Bat Winged Siamese Flapper? If you do know, can you surmise condition? Prices? Thanks!
Did not see any Kirins, or Cats.
I think I ran through all the common names and characters growing up with variety of dogs, cats, birds, and the “misc”
These are the better ones 😉 :Cats:
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
Lassie (Why? Ask my brother)
Corona, Budwieser, Zima
Nero the Hero
Harvey Birdman
Tuna Guitar
Samwise Gamgee
Gwen, TrinityDogs:
Boogey-Bear, Rebel, Arwen, Clute
Lenny, Peggy, Kira
Dilemma (Lemma for short)Birds:
Gandolf the Grey (cockatiel who lived 27 years)
Cinnamon Pearl, ClassySnake:
Hector .. Troy! 🙂 (Cornsnake)Turkey:
Stretch (from Garfield, lolz)pipsxlch wrote:Do they have a peacock riser?
I wish I could remember. I think so? I should’ve took a picture. LOLz. Didn’t realize I’d get so many questions 😛
Okay, I’ve had my local friend pick up the gothic uni and a emerald fledgie for members. They didn’t have any duplicates, as far as I know.
I would recommend to call them and find out all that they have… but it would be better to have someone in the area (not me, probably Jvargas) take a close inspection of all of them. I’ve come to understand they didn’t take really good care of their pieces and they might have a fair amount of damage or chips. 👿 So decide how much you can repair and expect a decent discount. They’re prices appear to be close-to-original. So with maybe an extra 10% off it would be a good deal.
They do not, will not, cannot take credit card over the phone and they also will not do any shipping. So, again, talk to a local or Jvargas and have some bulk purchases done (maybe also extra discounts available).
Also, I think they have still have the original boxes, I’ll have to confirm with my friend tonight.
*gives sympathetic hugs to Kyrin, not because of being sniped.. but for having a simple post turn into a big drama-pot for a second before the forum recovers and becomes wonderful again* 😛
Anyway… I’m typically thankful for snipers because then I breathe comfortably in my credit card instead of getting more worry-wrinkles. I can guarantee these beauties will be around for a long time changing hands… we just have to have patience.
