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I can’t believe how much I like them. The ingredients are super simple and it doesn’t have the funny taste some roasted seaweeds have.
:3 I was really hoping for a poison dart frog coloring or one of the fungus looking patterns but this one is lovely 😀
Thanks bardwing, I wrote an e-mail to ben explaining that I’m still here and I want to work things out and that I love him. So I feel a bit better now. I’m still going to need to get my paintings done to help relieve the stress. But I think since I know that Ben knows exactly how I feel that if nothing happens and things stay as they are… I’ll know I tried my best.
My goal for the summer is to get a job working at a pear sorting facility or picking pears. It pays well and it gets me out in nature to a certain degree. Then I’m going to go back to school for Psych. I’m finale eligible for financial aid :3
Alright so I’m trying really hard to be I don’t know half sane? I haven’t talked to Ben in a week… not a peep or e-mail at all. It’s all just killing me… I talked to about everything he was my best friend. I know I need to be okay with this, it’s happened and there’s nothing I can do to change it.
I just can’t believe everything is all gone. I’ve been crying myself to sleep at night. I wish he lived closer it would be less complicated to try and make this all work.
My art is coming along… it’s hard to look at it though. I haven’t been this morbid since 2007.
Well I talked with Ben… He said he is still confused… and he still loves me but at this point he is breaking up with me.
I told him him that I didn’t feel the same way about breaking up and that if he changes his mind I still want to try working things out.
Everything is such a mess right now. I know I need to take care of myself and I will. I have my doctors appt and everything but I’m still stunned….I feel like I just lost my best friend. I’m really crushed at the reality that the people who have injured me in my life can still take and destroy the important things in my life. I feel like I’ve been fatally injured all of my life dealing with how bad the ptsd is.
On the bright side I’m painting on canvas again…even though it’s super dark I think I’m making a break through.
Alright so I have a few doc appt to see if I can get put on something that can help me.
I’ve talked with Ben recently and it went well. He still needs some space but I think we can work it out. He’s really concerned about my panic attacks and whether I can be functional if I go to see him or if It’ll make everything worse. Which in all is a concern that I have to. I need to work on listening to. This whole thing has really forced me into a corner in realizing and acknowledging how serious my ptsd is and that I need more help then just talk therapy and my own grit.
I’ve been researching the different types of drugs used for treating panic… and I’m very turned off by the side affects and then uncertainty there seems to be in whether the drug can help or not. In the past I was on a lot of different pharmaceuticals… Needless to say I’m very sensitive to psychotropic drugs, I turn into a raving mad lunatic that loves fist fights and has no qualms with pushing a friend in from of a moving truck. I really don’t want to ever be like that again. The main thing that I have found that has worked for me in the last 3 years has been talk therapy and exposure therapy. But I do need something in case of emergency so that I don’t go into a full panic….
