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Well see, she’s not *always* like that. As long as I don’t mention any of my problems or complain at all she’s fine. But if I even mention that I’m nauseous or whatever she completely freaks out. O.o It’s just hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I’m in so much pain half the time…
Wait, you… can you bring things with you? Like games, books, (maybe a Windstone?) and such? O.o; But I wouldn’t have my computer, and I wouldn’t be able to watch my anime shows late at night, would I? They’re pretty much the only things that keep me (mostly) sane. 😕
I haven’t scheduled another appointment with my endocrinologist yet. I’m supposed to do a 48-hour urine test to see why my cortisol level is so high (I’m guessing stress but she wants to make sure it’s not from the brain tumor). I’ve got the jug and everything, but I’ve just been too nervous to do it, so what’s the point? If I’m nervous the cortisol level will be high anyway. Ergh. Anyway after that’s done with I’ll make an appointment… I guess. She’ll probably send me for another blood test and I’ll pass out again. *twitch*
I just… don’t think I can do that. There’s too many things I need here, and… I can’t leave it all behind. Okay if it makes you happy, I “won’t”. But please don’t make me try to explain, just know that I have very good reasons. 😕
Okay.. she apologized… but somehow I get the feeling my father told her to and she doesn’t really mean it. x.x But now she’s trying to be all nice to me, and it’s really creepy. O.o;
T________________T
As soon as I started to feel better they came home. I figured if I left my room she’d yell at me again but I had to give me father some papers so I went out anyways… and the second I get out there she starts screaming at me that she doesn’t trust me and accuses me of hurting the cats while they were gone. What. The. F**K. I’ve been in my room talking to you guys the whole freaking time. What is WRONG with her?? So I came back in here and I heard her and my father screaming at each other. So now I’m sitting here uncontrollably sobbing again, worse than before. I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually does call the cops this time, even though I didn’t touch the cats. Like I said, I’ve been in here the entire time they were out. She’s probably checking them for wounds right now. T____T
My dad won’t do anything. He just tries to ignore it. *sigh*
He did convince her to let me sleep on the couch though. I can’t really explain it too well, but anxiety/panic attacks/stomach issues prevent me from sleeping in my own bed. It’s been that way since I got a nasty stomach flu five years ago. I just can’t sleep there any more, no matter if I’m half sitting up, or what position I’m in. I throw up every time I try to sleep there. So I’ve been stuck on the couch in the living room since then. my mother of course fought with me the whole way, but eventually I talked to my dad about it and he convinced her to let me stay there. She still complains about it once in a while though.
I suppose I could talk to my doctor about the things she says/does to me, but it probably wouldn’t do any good. She’d find some way to turn it around and make the way she acts my fault. She always does. One time like five years ago she accused me of dipping her toothbrush in pinesol and trying to poison her. She started screaming that she was gonna call the cops, and I’m siting there like O____O wtf…? All because the cap to the toothbrush was missing. Then about two weeks later she finally figured out the cats were playing with it and knocked it off. *flails*
Anyways, even *if* I did what she accused me of, it wouldn’t be NEARLY enough to poison her. She wouldn’t even have swallowed it. So why would I bother? Ugh.
You know a long time ago, years before I was born, she tried to strangle my brother. 😯 I dunno what exactly happened since I obviously wasn’t there, but I think he said something she didn’t like so she grabbed him by his throat and shoved him up against the wall. x.x She’s insane and she has the nerve to tell me *I* need to be locked up?? She won’t even talk to him any more since they always fight. She fights with everybody, even my father. But of course he won’t do anything about it.
