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I want to find out opinions on what you would do if you were me.
The situation:
One of my girl friends lived with me for about 1 year. Every thing was fine and then I met my current bf and then her and I seemed to drift so we weren’t as close anymore (we had done this a couple of times when we had met a bf). I had known her for over 20 years and I thought we were going to be best friends forever. Well things did turn ugly and we talked about her still staying at my house and then she turns around and decides to move out. She said that we would still be friends and get together and hang out. Well it will be going on 2 years in Jan 2008. I haven’t heard anything from her. I had tried to call her a couple of times in 2006 and she never called me back. She also ran into my sister and my sister asked how she was doing and what happened between me and my friend. My friend told her that everything was fine between us and that she needed to give me a call. Well next thing I know she sends me a wedding annoucement in the mail and she is getting married September 1st and she doesn’t live too far away from me. I had always thought that I would at least help her plan her wedding and be in the line…but I guess we aren’t as good as friends as she lead me to belive. I am hurt that she hasn’t bothered to give me a call or stop by.
I just don’t know if I should go to her wedding because I don’t know if I could be happy while I was there and I wouldn’t want to ruin it for her. I was thinking of writing a letter to her (cause I don’t have her phone number anymore) saying that if she wants me to go to the wedding then we need to sit down and talk. I was starting to move on before she sent me the annoucement (I also thought that we weren’t friends anymore) and now I just have all of these feelings that I need to deal with again.
Anyway, how would you handle this situation?
I would definately see if you and your friend could find some time to get together so you can talk about things. Maybe ask her out to lunch as a congratulations?
Ya my so called best friend didnt put me in her line either, she had 3 people up there with her too, and 2 of them she isnt even friends with now at all. I went to the cerimony, cause my mom made me, and I ditched out on the reception, she is still pissy about that, but I am still pissy about being left out. FYI we have been friends for over 15 years.
I think you should go and wish her well. Getting together for lunch is a great idea. I am thinking she just felt a little left out. I know I got upset when I had a gf who would ditch me totally every time she got a new man. Not saying you did that, only that maybe she was feeling a little left out when your relationship turned serious. Now she has a serious relationship and will not feel like a 3rd wheel. I think that you could have alot more fun now that she is going to have a husband and you can all do things together. I suggest buying a sweet gift, maybe something to remind her of your past together, and go to the wedding. 🙂 Good luck with whatever you choose.
Ok, I like the lunch idea. The problem is that I don’t have her phone number anymore. I guess I could try to go to her apartment and leave a note if she isn’t there. And I don’t want her to be mad at me, I would really like to work things out and be friends again. I am not sure if all 4 of us would go out together, but I guess if I can convince my bf to go then it might work. Thanks guys…keep them comming.
Actually, the same type of thing happened to me too. I was told about the wedding as an after-thought, like, you can come to the wedding, but not to the reception. I had thought we were better friends than that. So I let it go.
It all depends on how much you want to invest in the relationship.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI agree with what Ski and Pegasi said, and I hope you’re able to rekindle your friendship.
In regards to phone numbers, you could check the online white pages if she has a listed number. If she doesn’t, you could check a reverse address lookup website like this one. That site charges to provide the info, but there might be some free sites out there (just do a google search on the words “reverse”, “address,” and “lookup”).
I think lunch is a good idea…sometimes the stuff you have planned becomes the stuff you meant to do but didn’t. Life gets in the way sometimes. 😀
You can always write a note and send it to the address given on the invite.
I am working on reestablishing a couple of friendships from the past this week. So far one called me yesterday and we chatted for about 2 hours, we hadn’t talked in 18 years. It was really great to hear from her again.
I also found a dear friend I thought I would never find again, he has emailed me and we’ve exchanged phone numbers, but we haven’t had a chance to talk just yet. He had a surgery today, so likely I won’t get to talk to him until tomorrow. But it was really great just to know where he is, and that he is okay and doing well. Made my week.
Good thing my husband isn’t the jealous type, not that he would have any worries over this friend, we were never more than just friends. But still, some guys get nervous about their wives talking to other men, especially ones from her past.
I would see if you can get her out on a lunchdate and then go from there. if after seeing and talking to her you decide you want to go to the wedding, then go and have a good time, if not, congradulate her and call it good.
Good luck.
Kyrin
People do tend to grow in different directions, esp. when significant others come into the picture. If you have it in your heart to give the friendship another shot, go for it. I say this because I lost touch with a friend and found out years later that he was killed in an accident. It is still very hard to accept and I feel that we have unfinished business, but it’s too late now.
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Try to get together before hand and see how things are.I had that situation several years ago. My best friend and twin (Looked the same and had the same birthday) and I lost touch when she went to university. We finally got back in touch when she told me she was getting married. I did go to the ceremony and reception and am glad that I did, even though I havenèt heard from her since(5+ years)
Get together with your girlfriend and have lunch first and see how that goes then you can make a desicion about the rest. I hope everything goes well for you 😀
I think you should get together with your friend and talk. She dosen’t think anything is wrong by the sounds of it. If you just don’t go to the wedding then there really will be hurt feelings on both sides. If she doesn’t know that there is a problem then how can she “fix” it?
At least your friend sent you an invitation. My best friend eloped, I got an email from her after the wedding. My next best friend didn’t even tell me she was getting married. They got married at city hall! It didn’t hurt my feelings either way. If they wanted me there than they would have asked me to go.
The one I regret the most was a friend that moved to the states to be a teacher. She was in the city to have a bridal shower (actually I think it was closer to a stag and doe) Unfortunatly, they didn’t give me enough notice. I couldn’t get out of work. It was my only chance to see her probably this year. I sent a gift with my Mother since she was going.
But, don’t throw your friendship away over some hurt feelings! You’ll regret it!
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