Why my b/f's mother is insane…

[Skigod377]

For real. I hope he manages to get out soon, but I know how hard it is just starting out. 😕 If you are super-skinny, maybe she thinks your anorexic? I really dont know. Thats just odd, her being so concerned about what you eat.

[Jasmine]

I’m exactly like you, I’m a social phobic. It’s gotten better since I’ve been working with a therapist but it’s still really hard to be around strangers. I tend to try and find a corner to hide in. Deciding to avoid these situations is the worst thing you can do, however. You have to literally force yourself to do things you want to run from. I was agoraphobic for over a year, I’d get panic attacks everytime I walked out the door. But I learned that the attacks will go away in a couple of minutes and even though I’m still afraid, I’m going to be okay. In my opinion, you would really benefit from seeing a specialist about this.

And I was also like your bf. I lived at home until I was 20 and I still had a midnight curfew. 🙄 Until one night I got home late and my mother tried to ground me, I told her that no, I wasn’t grounded and if she didn’t like it, I’d pack my bags right there. I would tell her where I was every night I went out so she wouldn’t worry but I was not a child anymore. She backed down. Not to be rude but I think your bf needs to grow a spine and tell his mom to leave you two alone. 😕

[WindstoneCollector]

Yeah, I was wondering why he is that age and allowing himself to be grounded too. 😕 I moved out when I was 19. I too was phobic of crowds, but had a young son to think of. So, I ran my errands as fast as possible (without getting tickets, but always speeding or running) and went back to my cubby hole. During flu season is still the worst for me because along with my other fears, I was very microphobic as well. Until, I found I couldn’t live on minimum wage. Well, being a CNA destroyed most of my microphobia, thank God and all his saints!

So, I hope things work out for you Pam, and I hope your boyfriend eventually tells her to back the truck up! 😆

[BipolarBear]

It doesn’t sound to me like his parents want him to move out at all. If they did they’d be helping him to do so, and also the wouldn’t be grounding him anymore, they’d want him to be independent.

I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a Weasel

[Pam]

skigod377 wrote:

For real. I hope he manages to get out soon, but I know how hard it is just starting out. 😕 If you are super-skinny, maybe she thinks your anorexic? I really dont know. Thats just odd, her being so concerned about what you eat.

I am average weight, so, that’s not it…

Quote:

Deciding to avoid these situations is the worst thing you can do, however. You have to literally force yourself to do things you want to run from.

I have been trying for three years. And in three years time, I have gotten about twice as bad as when I started. I thought I would get better too from “not running from my fears.” But for all my efforts, all I have managed to do is make things go from miserable to unbearable. The way things are right now, I cannot continue. Part of it I think may very well be his mom. Because over these past three years, her negative judgements on me have gone through the roof and I feel it whenever I am in her presence. I have a social phobia even when I know no one is watching or judging me. But to KNOW that there actually IS someone sitting there watching and judging your every move… 😯

Quote:

Not to be rude but I think your bf needs to grow a spine and tell his mom to leave you two alone.

I keep telling him this! EVERY TIME we run into a problem like this with his mother, I get into an argument with my b/f about why in the world he goes along with her behavior! He defends her though. He doesn’t want to be angry at his mom or think she is capable of being wrong. Sometimes it almost feels like it is turning him against me. He used to be much more understanding of my social phobia, but as his mom has gotten worse about it, so has he. Not near as much, but still… He seems almost to blame me at times for her behavior.

Quote:

It doesn’t sound to me like his parents want him to move out at all. If they did they’d be helping him to do so, and also the wouldn’t be grounding him anymore, they’d want him to be independent.

Ok, that’s the weird part. I have thought about this a long time. His mother badger’s him all the time about getting out of the house, but at the same time she tries to treat him as if she “owns” him. Last year she said if he was not out of the house by christmas they were going to kick him out. Luckily, never happened. Strange as it may sound, it seems like maybe her treatment of him is her way of trying to make him unhappy enough that he will leave quicker. It’s certainly succeeding in making him unhappy and even more desperate than ever to move, but he just can’t afford it.

[dragonmedley]

If you’re going to tackle your fear head on, don’t do it with a crowd of people you don’t know or who contain judgemental elements (such as you bf’s mom). Start with friends, then slowly add others, like a friend’s friend, etc. Then you’ll be able to handle the crowds of strangers, and maybe, one day, your bf’s mother.

She’s more the problem than you, actually. She’s the one with the obsession of you not eating.

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