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Despite nearly 500 posts on this forum, I am very shy in real life. ESPECIALLY around my b/f’s relatives.
This weekend I went with my b/f to his great grandfather’s funeral and then over to his aunt’s house. A bunch of his relatives were getting together there to eat and talk. The house is small and there were a lot of people. Very cramped and noisy. I had done relatively ok at the funeral because it was much less cramped and quieter. But the house was a whole different story. I panicked.
I could barely bring myself to talk or move. And eating was out of the question. When I am around other people, I can’t eat. It’s an act even more difficult than talking or moving. Yes, I know, it’s weird. But true. I just can’t bring myself to touch food. I don’t like most foods in general, but when I’m around a ton of other people, especially ones I don’t know well, asking me to eat is about as succesful as asking me to pull all my teeth out. I just can’t do it. You could set a plate of all my favorite foods in front of me and I would not touch it. My appetite abandons me and all food tastes disgusting no matter what it is.
So anyway, everyone keeps asking if I don’t want to eat anything. I just smile and say no, I’m not hungry. They all seemed fine with that. Everyone that is, except my b/f’s mother. She pulled my b/f aside and told him that if I did not eat anything, he was grounded from seeing me for a week! He begged me to eat but I could not do it. I could hardely even speak to him because I was still so panicked and frozen inside from being around that many people. So.. Now he can’t see me this week.What sort of mother GROUNDS her ADULT (22 yr old) son, because his GIRLFRIEND would not eat?? Is that not insane!? What did she expect him to do, shove it down my throat?? He can’t MAKE me eat. Why the hell does she think she needs to punish him for what I would not do? It doesn’t make any sense! Like I said, what in the world was he supposed to do???
B/f is going to try talking some reason into her. I’m hoping for the best.. He has tried explaining to her in the past how shy I am and how panicked I become around others, but she just doesn’t get it.
Well, she definitely owns that problem. If you don’t want to eat (for whatever reason), it’s your choice, isn’t it? She needs to learn to accept you as you are. I can empathize…I don’t do well with crowds or confined places, either.
I guess some people can’t understand that kind of shyness. I’m like that too a degree. I’m actually quite shy, but, after working in retail, and sales, and owning a buisness I had to change.
that wasn’t a very nice situation for you to endure 😥 i’m sorry. i know how that is 1. to be shy and 2. b/f mom/motherinlaw conflict. luckily the mominlaw situation worked itself out but it wasn’t easy. the shy stuff… i still have some issues with it, but got over a lot of it when i worked as a tour guide 😯 don’t know what i was thinking with that one; worked at the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, California. literally had to go throw up before every tour i gave for a week! got me over a lot of shyness real fast 😯 😀 but i can still feel for you. not a lot of fun any way you look at it.
twindragonsmum
tdm
Damn… well…that is weird.
Maybe the mom was uptight and stressed over the funeral??? Over that many people being around too??? I don’t want to defend her but you never know why mommies act WEIRD! *I am a mommny and I am sure I’ll do something stupid later in life with my girls.*
But yes, it does sound like she went a little overboard on that. Hopefully things will get better for y’all!!! 🙂 Chin Up!
Serenity wrote:Maybe the mom was uptight and stressed over the funeral??? Over that many people being around too??? I don’t want to defend her but you never know why mommies act WEIRD! *I am a mommny and I am sure I’ll do something stupid later in life with my girls.*
Yeah, it crossed my mind that maybe his mother was a little irrational because of emotions she’s having over the death? I don’t know, but I sure hope it’s a one time thing as it does sound crazy.
Not to be mean or anything but…22 years old and he’d “grounded”…I still live with my mom, I’m 21, but if she tried to ground me at this point…I doubt I’d listen to her much…
and yeah, momma was overreacting, probably stressed from the funeral, but still pretty weird. I used to be shy, then I got a job in retail and that brought me out of my shell…for the most part anyway. I don’t like to eat around other people either.
Quote:Not to be mean or anything but…22 years old and he’d “grounded”…I still live with my mom, I’m 21, but if she tried to ground me at this point…I doubt I’d listen to her much…
I tell my b/f the same thing. “Your 22, stand up for yourself!” He usually just does as he is told though. He never rebels. It’s like he doesn’t know how. It is my personal opinion that his mother is very controling…
Yeah, some parents can be over controling BUT *when you are a parent, you’ll understand this* when a child lives under the parents roof… the rules will be followed or get the hell out! No matter how old they are.
BUT her getting all pissy over you not eating… WOW! Thats a bit much… actually a little OVER KILL! I know that I would not do that. If someone doesn’t wanna eat… then that is their choise! But then again, I am not *CRACK THAT WHIP!* over controling.
Has she done it before? Make weird request like that or was this the first time? I still think she was “freaked” over the funeral. 🙁
I really HOPE with all the hope I have that things get better… that is just too weird!
What??? He is 22 and taking orders from his mamma? Whats that all about? Not to be mean, but you sounded a little weirder than his mom at the beginning of your post 😆
Does your bf still live at home or something? Maybe she was concerned about you. A little weird way to go about expressing it, but its a possibility.
That was my first reaction: grounded from seeing you? What the heck? Yo
Hey, here’s an idea: get your boyfriend to read our comments. Maybe it’ll hit home that he’s an adult. And skip the family stuff if you can from now on, or just walk around with a plate with food on it; just don’t eat it.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmQuote:Has she done it before? Make weird request like that or was this the first time? I still think she was “freaked” over the funeral.
Well, I know for a fact that she has always hated that I hardely ever talk or eat at their family get-togethers. Whenever I am at a family party of there’s and everyone is eating she will sit there just frowning at me, and it seems like at least once every time, she pulls my b/f aside to whisper something to him while glancing over at me from the corners of her eyes. She does seem to spend a good deal of her time at parties hawking around near me watching me and frowning. I am trying desperately to remember if she has ever done something like this before though.. I have a really strong feeling that she has, but I can’t remember a specific time. I feel like I can remember at least one other time a long time ago that she threatened not to let him see me if I did not talk enough or eat enough or something.. But I just can’t remember for sure! I try to forget these things. I know she has grounded him for stuff like not cleaning up his room to her standards, or not getting his room cleaned on time.. Just things you would think would not be such a big deal when your son is 20+. She does do strange stuff though.. Like she will call my b/f up while he is at my house and tell him to go to the store and buy something and bring it to her. But the thing is, SHE can drive, and is only minutes away from the store. My b/f on the other hand is HALF-AN-HOUR away from that store and his home. She does this on a regular basis.. Calling him up while he is here and demanding that he get something that would take him an hour to do but would take her less than half-an-hour.. Luckily he has only given in to those demands once.
Ski: Yes, he still does live with his parents. He is trying DESPERATELY to get out, but working as a bagger at schnucks, he could not afford to go. His parents have wanted him out real bad too. He was kind of an “unplanned and unwanted” sort of kid (almost got aborted, but his mom could not go through with it), and I always get the feeling that they have really just been waiting for him to hit his 20’s so they can kick him out. I know that sounds extreme, but that’s the feeling I get from them. He’s not a troublemaker or anything.. Seriously, he is a “perfect child” in an almost sickening sort of way. Does whatever he is told, obeys the law, doesn’t drink, smoke, swear, or do drugs. Never lies, never does stuff behind his mother’s back, always did his homework, always does his chores, never cheats, never gets in fights, spends most of his time working at schhnucks or helping his mom around the house, doing laundry, dishes, running errands.. MY mom wishes he was her son!
And don’t worry, I know I sounded weird too in my post.. I have, issues…I do plan NOT to go to anymore family stuff for a while. Besides freaking me out being there, it usually succeeds only in making his mother hate me more. I am quite literally the first thing she complains about when she gets back from family parties. I didn’t talk enough. I didn’t eat enough. His mother does NOT like me. She tries about once a month it seems to get her son to break up with me. 🙁
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