what to do… what to do…

[Duld]

[Duld]

I have a little problem witch is making me kinda depressed, well my band has four members, and one of them is making me crazy,

I really don’t understand what it is about men and meetings, (I guess it makes them feel more important), but he insists on having meetings with me every 2 or 3 rehersals to discuss problems he has with other bandmembers “lack of interest”, including mine, and at the end of each meeting he tells me that I am not supposed to discuss those matters with the other bandmembers and that we are supposed to act cool and like we’re the best of the best friends, and like nothing has gone between us that might upset the other members,

if we have a “meeting” and he doesn’t like the conclution, he calls me, or facebooks me, or emails me, or summons me to another “meeting” and asks me to explain what exactly the conclutions of the meeting were, until I give in and agree with him, (one debait lasted for 6 months)

we have fought over many things, including the fact that he thinks that he is doing all the work, ok he rigged up the homepage, and he is kinda being our agent, ok that is alot I admit and I try to rig gigs sometimes but that is not appreciated because I have to ask him first if I can call and try and rig a gig at this place, but he accused me of doing nothing at all for the band, (excuse me????) and I said, hey!! that’s not fair, I do plenty, and he had the nerve to shout to me, “SINCE YOU ARE DOING SO MUCH Mrs ENTHUSIASTIC, WHY DON’T YOU TAKE OVER THE JOB AS A MANAGER OF THE BAND”, (I rigged a photoshoot, fixed us up with a deal at my fathers printshop for posters and flyers, I write the songs and write the lyrics, nothing??) he actually fired me from the band 2 times, but I wasn’t supposed to tell the other bandmembers, and he “unfired me” (I need the money so I just accepted it), but now I am getting pretty frustrated

so, we had a meeting :shout: surprise

he asked me what my problem was, I was appearently acting strange, I told him that I wasn’t ready to play in a semi ballroom band, I have a family and playing music for drunk people from 01:00 to 05:00 am isn´t a priority for me, we started up aiming for a Bluesrock band, not a cheap mime band, he said he had a family too and that he was also making sacrifices … ok, well, this is what he chooses and is aiming to doo, he asked me if I wanted to change from being a ballroom band into a bluesrock band, and I thought I said no clearly,

but he didn’t get the message….. what to do…..

[dragonmedley]

You’re a band, meaning a TEAM. Any meeting should involve all members, unless there’s a concensus somewhere, somehow, that one of the members really is a problem and that you need to address the problem with said member. Otherwise, what you’re describing here, is wrong. Methinks he might be doing it with the other members, giving them the same direction for secrecy. Honesty and openess is what makes a good team.

You could ask openly, with all members present, if this guy could please stop with the one-on-one secret meetings; but that may not go over well. Or you could check with the other members what they think in private.

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[David]

BRoS wrote:

I have a little problem witch is making me kinda depressed, well my band has four members, and one of them is making me crazy

First thing to do is talk to the other two members of the band. Maybe they are getting the same treatment as you. If so, you may want to think about finding someone to replace this pompous fellow, changing your band name, and starting over.

If everyone else loves him, it may be time for you to start looking around to join some other band whose members could appreciate you.

If he wants to act like a boss, you have to see yourself as an employee. An employee is free to look for work elsewhere if the boss is an ass.

[Duld]

dragonmedley wrote:

You’re a band, meaning a TEAM. Any meeting should involve all members, unless there’s a concensus somewhere, somehow, that one of the members really is a problem and that you need to address the problem with said member. Otherwise, what you’re describing here, is wrong. Methinks he might be doing it with the other members, giving them the same direction for secrecy. Honesty and openess is what makes a good team.

You could ask openly, with all members present, if this guy could please stop with the one-on-one secret meetings; but that may not go over well. Or you could check with the other members what they think in private.

that’s my opinion exactly about teamwork, no problems but with the BOSS, since he founded the band it is his band, he just linked me as a co superwiser, I didn’t ask for that job, it was given to me, it seemed fair first since he invited me first to the band, just to invite others, but it got out of hands,

I do think so too that he has discussions with the drummer, not the bassist though since he thinks we call each other every day since we live in the same town, and I am beginning to believe that he isn´t that honest at all, we had one drummer that quit after 2 months because he couldn’t work with him, the boss said that the dummer had commented that I wasn’t a good singer, I didn’t believe it and I confronted the drummer, he told me that he had said that I was alot better with the funk and blues songs that we had on the program than the pop, “I will survive” didn’t sound as convincing as Gin house blues,

I did check in private, what they thought, and they weren’t sure, just asked us to solve things between us, but that doesn’t work if your opinion isn’t heard until it’s “right”

plus they formed a band around another singer, I think I’ll let her have them, no tears from me (exept for the drummer, I am professionally in love with his playing)

The Castle [Dave wrote:

“]

BRoS wrote:

I have a little problem witch is making me kinda depressed, well my band has four members, and one of them is making me crazy

First thing to do is talk to the other two members of the band. Maybe they are getting the same treatment as you. If so, you may want to think about finding someone to replace this pompous fellow, changing your band name, and starting over.

If everyone else loves him, it may be time for you to start looking around to join some other band whose members could appreciate you.

If he wants to act like a boss, you have to see yourself as an employee. An employee is free to look for work elsewhere if the boss is an ass.

well The former drummer asked me to form a band with him with some REAL PRO´S 😀 very world famous in Iceland, do work on some original stuff and compose, I think that I’ll tell them ASAP, better in person than on the phone or on an e-mail

[Author]

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