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I think everyone’s advice is sound. I agree, at this point keeping your mom in your life is too emotionally damaging to you. You don’t need her theatrics at a time in your life when everything should be about you and the baby.
You will be so busy trying to placate her, that taking care of yourself, Danny and the baby will just tax your resources too much. She’s a adult woman, not acting very adult at the moment, but my point is, she can take care of herself, let her. Meanwhile, you take care of your family, and at this moment, I don’t put your mother into the category of family for you, she’s just this crazy woman who birthed you.
She doesn’t even know how well she did, you are smart, loving, talented and a good friend, it’s really amazing how some of the worst parents still manage to produce some terrific people. Anyway, you are really great, she’s the loser, don’t ever think otherwise.
Kyrin
Quote:Oh and my husband says my mom is queen of the harpies so she isn’t really human.
lol!
Quote:Don’t sweat the loss of that shower, you didn’t want to be there anyway, and for the love of Pete, don’t let her anywhere near your baby girl!!
^ agreed
Quote:Right now, it just a baby shower. In the future, it will include your child. You need to realize that you’ll never do enough to make your mom happy. She’s in her own world and you need to try to work around it without letting it affect your decisions and choices. I realize that’s easier said than done. My mom is something like this, but she’s several states away and can’t impact my life.
Don’t let yourself pigeonhole you into thinking “Oh it would be silly to cut my mom out of my life over some party I never wanted in the first place.” Try to think about the bigger picture. And think of it more as the straw that broke the camel’s back. Because it *will* break eventually. Better for it to happen now than when your child could suffer more directly from it.
My Mom can be rather controlling sometimes, but thankfully not to this degree. I have her respect and my husband to help hold my spine straight for me, lol.
But seriously, she needs to respect you as an adult and the choices you make. If she can’t, that’s her issue and she needs to decide if she can step up to the job of being a true mother in all sense of the word by being able to think past herself.
I think you let her know you’re done with the BS, and start cultivating your relationship with your in-laws who sound like nice people. Hopefully your mother will come around, but if she doesn’t, it will be her loss, not yours.
PS: *big hugs*
The “straw” with me came with a confrontation with my one month old son, she tried to forcefully take him from me because I was following the doctor’s advice of no water when he had hiccups (he had hiccups ALL the time) they said breastmilk ok, no water (because breastmilk contains enough water for a newborn). She disagreed and said I was cruel not to give him water and went nuts over it and since she was getting angry I said I’d come back and visit more later…She said I wasn’t leaving with my baby…I left with a dislocated jaw, nearly gouged out eye and my son, and I never looked back. BUT if she had gotten ahold of him while she was that angry….she could have hurt him, at the very least shaken him considering she was trying to take him by force.
I dont think I would have had anything to do with her after something like that. As a matter of fact, I would have called the police.
I just left and never looked back, dealing with the police would have ensured that I saw her again…plus an entire childhood of being terrified kinda made me scared to…Now I think I would, but I’ve done alot of healing in the past 6 years. 🙂
Purpledoggy, you’re a good person and your husband is a great guy. This baby is your blessing. I agree with everyone else: your mother would not be a good influence in your child’s life. It’s OK to leave her out, starting now. She is hurting herself by driving you to this, of course, but I’d rather she hurt herself than hurt you any more, and I’m really feeling defensive for your child. Look how much your mom’s behavior has hurt you. Don’t let her into your child’s life–don’t let her do that to another young one. 👿
And the fact that this woman would push so hard and so far on such a poorly-based matter, makes me think that she has little sense of proportion or consequences. She cannot be reasoned with. It really is time to quietly but firmly disengage her from your life, and have your own family safer and happier as a result. Hang in there, and we’re all here for you.
I sure do hope this situation works itself out for you. You have been under enough stress already. Good luck! *hugs*
Can you say “control freak”?
You live under your own roof… you have a wonderful husband (from what I have read) and you are a big girl now…
Tell your mommy to get back on her broom and fly away.
A garage is NOT a place to hold ANY kind of party, no matter how “CLEAN” it is… Whats wrong with having it in the HOUSE?
She can have her little party and KEEP all the little goodies that people bring. DO NOT go and get them, let her keep them…
Ask your OB if your mommy needs to be putting you through all this NEEDLESS stress.
Don’t have your brother talk to her… if she wants to act like a self centered brat then Don’t Talk To Her… When you call them, you are caving in… Stop that!
If she is like this with you… I would NOT let her around the baby… she’ll be controling over how you raise YOUR child. And if you don’t do it her way… I wouldn’t put it past her on trying to take the child away…
I know that we all want our family around for such a happy time but if she is going to act like that, and your dad isn’t any better… walk away. YOU and YOUR family NEED to be HAPPY! Its hard but you just might save yourself a lot of heartacke if you do it now.
And NO you are nowhere near an ungrateful brat! If anyone is ungrateful it is your mom for not noticeing what a great daughter she has!
Hope that everything works itself out!!!
{{HUGS}}
I can just picture the “Windstone or Bust” bus detouring to PD’s mom’s house to give her our opinions of her behavior.
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