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I called my brother because I’m so confused. I asked him to talk to mom but he said she isn’t talking to him because he came over my house last weekend to help get the nursery together. He lives an hour away and has to pass my moms house to get to mine so she is pissed at him for not coming over. I just can’t believe it! It took us 9 years to get pregnant and I don’t think we will be lucky enough to do it again and now I can’t go to MY baby shower?! My head is just spinning. If this is the way she is treating her grandchild now how is she going to treat her once she is born?
emerald212 wrote:I don’t really have that much to add, but I just wanted to stress a few things to you:
1. You are not an ungrateful sob. It’s your baby. It’s your husband, who just had a transplant. It’s your party. It should be your day. It’s rude to even suggest having a baby shower in a garage. Rude!
2. Don’t give in. Don’t. You’ll set a precedent that will be harder to change once the baby is born. Put your foot down now. Your mom seems good at name-calling and manipulating you to get her way. Don’t let her control you that way. Those are not the ways to win an argument. Use reason and refuse to be budged. Just refuse. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
3. Don’t go to her or your dad for anything else until this gets resolved. Don’t call them. Don’t email them. Let them contact you. You don’t want to appear to be the one giving in. Contacting them will tell them you are.
4. Don’t go to your mom’s shower. Go to your mother-in-law’s shower. Make a list of relatives from your side of the family that you would like to attend. Give it to your husband to pass along to his mother so she can invite them. Don’t invite anyone you don’t want to come (this includes your mother). If she calls you and whines or yells, just tell her that she is being unreasonable and you didn’t want her there because she would ruin it for you with her behavior.
I hope these things help.
I completely agree with emerald!! I was just thinking the same thing when I read her response, and I completely think #3 and #4 are the best choices at this time.
Since your mother wants it in a garage, it made me think that maybe she really is trying to make it all about her, and she wants it in the garage because it is more convenient for her, and because she knows you and your hubby can’t be in a garage. If I remember right, you were offered to have it in a hall for free, right? The fact that she is still adamant on having it in the garage anyway makes me think that she might have an ulterior motive, whether it be to ultimately get out of throwing you a baby shower, or making you feel like a garage is all you deserve. I think of the latter choice when you said that your parents have treated you different ever since you married Danny. Maybe they are reacting the way they are because they still hold a grudge? If so, you don’t deserve that. You married the love of your life, and if your parents want to be mad, then let them be mad all by themselves. Don’t let them drag you into the dirt! Please stand up to your mom, and refuse to go to the baby shower if she insists on being like that. She needs to grow up, and you have every right to not want the shower inside a garage in November.
I hope you’ll have good news about this in the near future!
You know what? I never had a baby shower. My parents and my in-laws got us stuff before and after she was born.
This is becoming too much, I think. Have a shower with YOUR friends, and forget about your mom. You sound like you’re not even sure you’ll want her to be in contact with your baby – and I can’t blame you. Honestly, if we hadn’t moved 6 hours away from my in-laws, I don’t think we’d have a daughter, because my mother in law would have parked herself at our place, and I didn’t want that.
This is about you, your husband and your baby. Screw the rest.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmpurpledoggy wrote:I just can’t believe it! It took us 9 years to get pregnant and I don’t think we will be lucky enough to do it again and now I can’t go to MY baby shower?! My head is just spinning. If this is the way she is treating her grandchild now how is she going to treat her once she is born?
I completely agree with you on that!
Perhaps severing all ties with your parents at this point would be for the best.
Definately this party isn’t about you, it’s about your Mom. I would contact as many of the people you know are invited to the one your mom has scheduled and let them know you won’t be there, and perhaps they might want to wait for the other shower your mother in law is hosting.
Then give the list to Danny so your mother in law has their contact info.
Throwing the party without the GOH is just wrong. I can’t believe her, she is something else, just what, you don’t want to know. Are you sure she’s human? I’m thinking there might be demon in there somewhere and that she’s not your real parent!
Anyway, don’t sweat it, let her do her own thing, you do yours, and try to enjoy the other shower when they
spring it on you. Showers are fun, usually.*hugs*
Kyrin
My husband has been on the phone with his mom and emailing people (I’m not allowed to know). He was trying to work out the two baby showers between my mom and his but she sprung the whole garage thing on him at the last minute. I really wanted my brother to talk to my mom and see what her whole mentality about this thing is but he is at school. He says if I really want him to talk to her he will but he doesn’t think she will answer the phone for him. Oh and my husband says my mom is queen of the harpies so she isn’t really human.
Your mom is definitely being a right Drama Queen and is out to make everything about *her*. She won’t talk to your brother because he didn’t stop by when he drove past?
The hell?
Don’t sweat the loss of that shower, you didn’t want to be there anyway, and for the love of Pete, don’t let her anywhere near your baby girl!!
It may surprise you how little you’ll miss her. Now and then you’ll wish you had a positive mother figure, but it’s what you probably already feel now so cutting her off would be a wise choice. She doesn’t have your best interests in mind, just her own.
purplecat wrote:It may surprise you how little you’ll miss her. Now and then you’ll wish you had a positive mother figure, but it’s what you probably already feel now so cutting her off would be a wise choice. She doesn’t have your best interests in mind, just her own.
I totally agree…and you have your mother-in-law who sounds pretty sane in comparison.
PD, your mom has demonstrated that everything she says and does is to draw attention to herself. When she says that you’re not appreciative enough, what she’s really saying is that she’s not getting enough praise and attention for what she’s doing. Having the shower without you is a perfect example. She’ll crow about how much work she’s done so her friends can tell her how great she is for putting on the shower even though you didn’t want to come.
Right now, it just a baby shower. In the future, it will include your child. You need to realize that you’ll never do enough to make your mom happy. She’s in her own world and you need to try to work around it without letting it affect your decisions and choices. I realize that’s easier said than done. My mom is something like this, but she’s several states away and can’t impact my life.
One thing you can do is to cut down on your communication with her. If she emails you, then reply with a short message, don’t try to explain anything. If she calls, let her have her say and but don’t argue, don’t try to rationalize your decision to her. Just tell her your decision and that’s it.
I apologize if this sounds like a soap box speech. When the time comes that my mom needs to live with me so she can have someone to take of her, I know my life will no longer be my own. So, I can see what your dealing with. As always, your choices are yours to make. 🙂 Listen to what others say, but don’t let them influence your choices.
PD I know this may sound strange but this is a PREFECT example of why some poeple should not BREED and why I’m glad I’m gay!!
Dragon Master wrote:PD I know this may sound strange but this is a PREFECT example of why some poeple should not BREED and why I’m glad I’m gay!!
I’m not going to lie I’ve seen many MANY examples why some people shouldn’t have children and I’ll admit my mom is one of them.
My mom is too, but how we turn out in life is a choice, not a result of breeding. My and your mom made choices to be weak and selfish, we don’t have to nor do we have to let our children grow up around that kind of person to influence them. We can choose to be strong, steady, loving people or we can choose the easier route of being self-centered, egotistical, selfish, victimizing pigs. Lots of people choose the weak route, that doesnt mean everyone has to. Life is a choice. 🙂 just my take on it. 🙂
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