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Ok, for one…
DONT beat yourself up about this. Its not your fault.
Besides the fact that your husband may or may not do fine in the garage, it is not an appropriate place to house guests for something like this. Maybe im stuck up (Yes, I am) but I would wonder why I was not invited into a house. Tell your parents you dont feel its appropriate.
There is nothing wrong with explaining the situation and having a girlfriend take over preparations. Invite a few friends over, serve a few snacks and goodies (Read liquor), play a few games, collect a few presents, and to hell w/your parents if they dont show. Every expectant mom should have a shower.
Just tell your mom its the location you have a problem with. Guests should be treated as such. I felt this way even before I found out your dad had an old car in there. NOW I def know that the garage is innapropriate! 😆
Good luck girl. Dont let this get you down. In 5 years, it wont even matter.
It sounds like your mom would only have invited the friends she wanted at the party, and not your friends. If your mother and father have been disgruntled with your husband from the very beginning, it sounds like you would not have enjoyed the shower at your mother’s house no matter where she held it.
Your mother had every opportunity to make this shower about you, not her. Don’t let her make you think less of yourself. If you want to put your husband’s health and your baby’s health above her feelings, you have every right to.
Let your mother-in-law have a shower you and your husband. Have your husband let his mother know whether you want your mother there. Your mother-in-law can contact your mother and let her know that she and her friends are invited, if you want them there.
Just remember that your mother does things for herself. She is unable to look past her own wants and needs to see anyone else’s. Don’t let her comments make you doubt any of your feelings and choices. You have a husband and baby now. They are your family core now and only their feelings and opinions should come first from here on out.
I don’t mean to come on here and burden everyone with my jerry spring family. I just want a second opinion on this situation from someone who is unbiast and everyone I know hates my mom so I know they all side with me. This is the email I got back from my mom this morning…
>you need to respect us and i get the impression you do not. there is no oil out
in the garage or dust.is danny doing ok. i hope so. cause he will make a great
daddy. i wouldnt do anything to jeopardize that. the shower will only be about 2
and a half hrs. you spent that much time there sat and so did he.She is mad because I was in the garage the other day and my husband came over to drop off his blazer so my dad could change the oil. He didn’t stay very long at all because he was told by his transplant doctors not to work on cars. So because he was there she thinks I’m just being a priss about the whole thing. The email she sent me just makes me realize that everything is about her. I want to say something in response but I’m at work and don’t feel like getting into a fight right now.
It sounds like you two can work this out, actually. Tell her you appriciate everything she is trying to do, but you just dont feel a garage is an appropriate place to have guests. Thats respect. Good luck, and please dont feel bad. I like Jerry Springer. 😉
purpledoggy wrote:I should make a video tape and sell this. I mean look at all the money Jerry Springer makes 😆
You dont wanna stoop that low. 😆
purpledoggy wrote:But think of all the money I will make 😉 I could buy more windstones!
Do you need a manager?
Wow! Your mom definitely has some issues. I thought mine was bad.
She just needs to understand that a garage is not a place to have a baby shower… especially when there’s some old, half put together car sitting in there too! Guests will not feel welcome in that kind of atmosphere. She’s just not taking into consideration other people’s feelings here. I know if I were going to a baby shower or a bridal shower… the last place I would want to be seated for it is in a garage. You said that she probably won’t even have any snackies to munch on either. There needs to be food!
I know this is a tough spot you’re in. It’s not your fault though… and don’t think for a second that it is. My mom used to lay guilt trips on me all the time about ignoring her and the rest of my family, when I started dating my husband. Moms can be so controlling. Your mom sounds like mine… where they accuse you of having no respect for them, and like to make you feel guilty. Don’t let it get to you. We all agree that she is going about this whole thing the wrong way… and trying to label you as the bad guy. She is being a butthead, and getting your dad to gang up on you too. It’s not fair. I say the heck with her plan, and go with your in-laws idea. Good luck on whatever you decide to do! *hugs*
I don’t really have that much to add, but I just wanted to stress a few things to you:
1. You are not an ungrateful sob. It’s your baby. It’s your husband, who just had a transplant. It’s your party. It should be your day. It’s rude to even suggest having a baby shower in a garage. Rude!
2. Don’t give in. Don’t. You’ll set a precedent that will be harder to change once the baby is born. Put your foot down now. Your mom seems good at name-calling and manipulating you to get her way. Don’t let her control you that way. Those are not the ways to win an argument. Use reason and refuse to be budged. Just refuse. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.
3. Don’t go to her or your dad for anything else until this gets resolved. Don’t call them. Don’t email them. Let them contact you. You don’t want to appear to be the one giving in. Contacting them will tell them you are.
4. Don’t go to your mom’s shower. Go to your mother-in-law’s shower. Make a list of relatives from your side of the family that you would like to attend. Give it to your husband to pass along to his mother so she can invite them. Don’t invite anyone you don’t want to come (this includes your mother). If she calls you and whines or yells, just tell her that she is being unreasonable and you didn’t want her there because she would ruin it for you with her behavior.
I hope these things help.
Not for nothing….respect is a two way street and your Mom should respect your opinion that the garage isn’t appropriate.
A garage. For a party. Okay, there are several reasons why this is not cool; many of them have already been brought up in excellent language, but I want to chime in too. In the first place, it’s your shower and you can jolly well say no to the location because it’s chilly, uncomfortable, and about as non-party an atmosphere as they come. In the second place, what on Earth has possessed her to think that any guest would be happy about a party in the garage? For a baby shower of all things? Talk about an atmosphere-killer. I can not imagine why your mother would think for a minute that the garage is an appropriate place for your shower. I question her motive for selecting the garage. No, no, and no. She may NOT force you to have your shower in the garage.
Whether the shower is supposed to be a surprise or not, is immaterial. She deliberately told you where she planned to have it. By doing this, she granted you the choice to say no. Whether she likes it or not, she blew her chance to sneak this up on you. I dare to say she has created an opportunity to fight with you, and browbeat you. Again, NO. She may not do this to you. To heck with her ridiculous plans. Do not go. This is entirely about power, and she does not deserve to have that kind of power over you. She may be your mother, but her behavior is not OK and you have every right to put your foot down. And shame on your father for caving in to your mother’s foolishness. I believe he has done it because he chose–and still chooses–to live with her, and in order to do that he has to support her. But I don’t think he’s happy about that choice, and his unhappiness spilled over at you. He isn’t strong enough to stand up to her, I guess. But you can.
Talk to your mother-in-law, who seems to have a level head on her shoulders. A shower doesn’t have to be a big thing, and maybe you’re not in the mood for a big party in a hall after all of this. Is someone on your husband’s side of the family willing to host a little luncheon with just a handful of guests? Other well-wishers could drop off gifts and cards ahead of time. That would make things cosy, and friendly, and pleasant, and low-key: in other words, a lot more comforting. I think you could do with some comforting. Having a baby is no small beans and there have been enough shenanigans from your parents to complicate matters. Go to where you feel welcome and happy. It is OK to choose to be with the people who will support you.
SOOOOOO I went in for my regular ob checkup and asked my doctor if I should be in a garage for my baby shower. She told me not to go and tell my mom its not healthy for me. My OB used to work with my mom at the hospital so she knows how she can get. So I called my mom up tonight because she left a message on my cell phone blaming me for her missing paint supplies (which I never took). I told her I talked with my ob today and she said it wasn’t a good idea for me to be in a garage. When I told her that she said “well we will just have the shower without you and you can come over later and pick everything up”. I’m at a loss for words atm.
😆 😆 😆 WHAT A wITCH! Go ahead and let her, all your guests will realize she’s nuts! Sounds like my mother for sure, but I’ve cut off mine 6 years ago. It’s hard I know…
purpledoggy wrote:SOOOOOO I went in for my regular ob checkup and asked my doctor if I should be in a garage for my baby shower. She told me not to go and tell my mom its not healthy for me. My OB used to work with my mom at the hospital so she knows how she can get. So I called my mom up tonight because she left a message on my cell phone blaming me for her missing paint supplies (which I never took). I told her I talked with my ob today and she said it wasn’t a good idea for me to be in a garage. When I told her that she said “well we will just have the shower without you and you can come over later and pick everything up”. I’m at a loss for words atm.
Oh wow…
Your mother is a real piece of work, PD, that’s all there is to it.
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