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Wow, the way that your mom and dad reacted is extremely unreasonable.
If you still want to have the baby shower, I think you should first talk to your sister-in-law to confirm if she’s still willing to host it, and if so, work out the details with her. Since its difficult for you to talk with your parents about this, just send them an email on what the plan is going to be, and that you would love for them to be present, but that you’re not willing to jeopardize your husband’s health or your own by having it in the garage. If they don’t want to come, then so be it.
purpledoggy wrote:She sent me a one sentence email saying if I wasn’t going to the baby shower I need to let her know so she can call everyone and tell them not to come.
Edit: I’ve just come to the conclusion that I’m just an ungrateful sob. Obviously they have been telling me that all my life I’ve just never realized it until now.You’re not an ungrateful sob, and don’t let them tell you that/make you feel that way!!!!
An unheated garage in November is not the place to have a baby shower, no matter how clean! Go with Kyrin’s advice, call your sister in law or your mother in law and take them up on their offers, contact your guests and let them know.
Then tell your mother that she’s invited and she can choose whether or not she wants to come.
This is entirely unfair to you. It’s your baby and your special time and every convenience should be made to you not your mother!
Well then I guess email and tell her you aren’t going. That’s what I would do, but it’s up to you. I can’t imagine your mother in law, if appraised of the situation, will let you go with out a shower. It’s her grandchild, too. If you were in NJ, I would throw you a shower myself. Dang it, it’s supposed to be a fun and happy occasion!
Edited to say you aren’t an ungrateful sob!
My mother in law is having a baby shower for hubby’s side of the family but I don’t know much about it since she is trying to keep it a surprise. I only know that she was trying to work with my mom and have one big shower (so we didn’t have so much running to do) but my mom refused to be part. The garage is heated and has a tv but my dad has a shell of a car he is working on in there along with all his tools, etc. My dad made a stupid comment wanting to know why my husband needs such a sterile environment. HELLO he just had a freakin transplant! I was in the garage yesterday because I needed my dad to change the oil in my car and fix my exhaust because it had a leak in it. I guess he figures since I was over there yesterday then its not a big deal and I’m just being a prissy pain in the butt or something. Now I feel bad that I ever ask for help from them since they say I’m so ungrateful. I guess I’ll change my own oil next time pregnant or not. I don’t want to impose on them.
I’m sure your husband can talk to his Mom about the whole thing and maybe help get some of your family’s info to her (to help keep things a surprise). It really is the right thing keeping you and your husband out of a garage in the midst of November.
What Lamort said.
Your mother is being a horrible sport and showed her true colors when she refused to work with your mother-in-law. That’s selfish and rude and downright smacks of Entitlement.
You should not be forced to have your shower in a garage.
In that case, just tell your mother exactly that.
But do let your in laws know about the situation so that they can still arrange something if they want to, since, as Lamort said, its their grandchild too.
Every expectant Mama needs a baby shower! They are a celebration of womens’ power to help create, carry and bring forth the next generation. Plus, you get to be the center of attention and get goodies. 😉 The drama is none of your doing. I don’t think your Mother enjoys the spotlight being on you instead of her, ya know? Just pick your chin up and carry on. You’ll get through this.
This is the email I sent my mother in response to her one liner….
I’m not trying to be rude and I’m not trying to pick a fight. I just wanted to know if you were really having the baby shower in the garage. I’m not trying to say the garage is dirty but it is a garage and has dust, oil, car stuff, etc. I’m just worried about Danny’s health and his transplant doctors are so picky about what/where he can go/do. I really want him to be with me for my baby shower since this is his child to. I would like to talk on the phone about this but I’m not going to sit here and get into a shoving match with you or dad.
That looks good. Just see what she says and go from there.
Hopefully she’s cooperative, but just get in touch with your in laws if she’s not.
I have no idea who all she has invited so if we do cancel I know she will not give me the list. My husband knows a few people but not all of them and I’m sure my mom will tell them all I’m just ungrateful so her family will not want to come anyway. Ever since I married my husband 9 years ago they don’t treat me the same anyway. It’s like I’m no longer part of the family (not that I care they are all stuck up snobs anyway). I know that my husband had to invite my one aunt to the mother in laws baby shower. My mom hates my dad’s side of the family and gave her the wrong date on purpose. My aunt got in contact with my husband about it so now she is just going to go to the other shower instead.
Its OK of she doesn’t give you the list — I don’t think you want people at your shower who don’t want to be there. You don’t need the extra stress. 🙂
purpledoggy wrote:She sent me a one sentence email saying if I wasn’t going to the baby shower I need to let her know so she can call everyone and tell them not to come.
Edit: I’ve just come to the conclusion that I’m just an ungrateful sob. Obviously they have been telling me that all my life I’ve just never realized it until now.Stop that right now!! This is not your fault, and you are certainly not an ungrateful slob even though your parents might be deluded enough to think you are.
You have every right to stand up for yourself, your unborn child and your husband. You have a right to say how you feel, you weren’t rude, you were certainly more polite than I would have been…
1. You shouldn’t even know about your babyshower, it’s normally a secret.
2. Since you were consulted, you have a right to say, no, I don’t want to have it in cold garage.
3. You have a right to be concerned about the health of yourself, your child and your husband.
4. You are not a child anymore to blindly agree to whatever your parents (or anyone else for that matter) tell you to do.
It is your parents that are being unreasonable. I say have the party your mother-in-law was planning and email your parents giving the time and place and say either show up or not. Do not call them or talk to them, do not let them try to negotiate and most of all, DO NOT let them belittle you anymore. From the time that I’ve known you here on the forum and PM’d you, you are a sweet, caring and loving individual, and you do not deserve to be stomped into the ground, so don’t let them…
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