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Can I borrow someones backbone? My soon to be sister-in-law says to have it at her house. She didn’t know it was going to be in the garage. I don’t think anyone knows that but me and my husband. I bet they wouldn’t go if they knew.
Laurie,
Call all the guests, give them the alternate location for the party, get with your mom-in-law and get it organized, etc. Then call your Mom and tell her where the shower will be, she can come or not.
Don’t let her get a word in edgewise when you call her either, just tell her the alternate plan, ask her to attend, then hang up and do not pick up the phone when she calls for a few days. If you think she will give you grief at your shower, don’t tell her about it at all.
Call her later and tell her that you decided that the location was inappropriate, you spoke to your guests and they agreed, and an alternative location was chosen, since she refused to cooperate or be reasonable, you didn’t see that you had much choice in the matter.
If she starts screeching at you, hang up, or leave her house. If she is at your house and does this, suggest she leave, and show her the door. If she continues to screech and won’t leave, call the police and have her removed. I am not kidding, she is being abusive and controlling and you don’t need it. She either plays by your rules, or she is out of your life. You need to do this, she needs to know you have a line, and when she crosses it, you need to stand up for yourself, if you need police help, then so be it.
You are a grown woman, and while you would like your Mom in your life and the life of your daughter, you CAN do without her. Make that very very clear to her. Once she knows you will cut her out of your life completely if she doesn’t change her behavior, then she will make a choice, either she will behave so she can be in your life, or she will not be in it. It will be her decision.
I know giving her that ultimatum won’t be easy, but you need to do it. She needs to know where she stands with you, and you need to make sure she understands you won’t back down this time. You’ve had it. I had to do this with my Mom on a different issue, but she chose to be a part of my life, and she respects my boundaries now.
Some parents just don’t know how to let go, but you really need to get her to toe the line before your little one is in the picture and she starts using her against you. And you know darn well from her behavior in the past, she wouldn’t hesitate for a second to do so.
Hang in there, you can do this.
*hugs*
Kyrin
Ew… I know it’ll be hard, but everyone’s right. You will need to stand up to your mom for your husband’s sake (and it’s so sweet that he’s going!) and eventually a situation will arise in which you’d stand up to her for your baby’s sake (it is soooo much easier to be strong for your kids), so might as well try it out now. I would totally lend you my backbone, but it’s not as strong as my mom’s, so maybe you can borrow hers 😉
*hugs*
Garages are for Halloween for Haunted houses. She does not want to haul ALL THIS stuff somewhere else but she still has to haul it to your house after the shower right???
You are in charge of your life and need to make this clear to her.I have also been wondering how your husabnd has been doing
Kyrin’s advice is good… I know it’s hard, trust me! But soon you will have a child, and the last thing you want is grandma controlling the aspects of your child’s upbringing. If you are unable to be firm in saying no, now, over something as small as where a party is held… imagine when it comes time for major life changing things in your child’s upbringing… 🙁
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My art: featherdust.comYour mother is being ridiculous! You dont invite people over to your house and then put them in the garage! How stinkin RUDE! I think at this point, I would ask a friend to take over preparations and invite your mom. If she does not come (YAY) so be it. Putting guests in a garage? Are you kidding me?
Kyrin wrote:Laurie,
Call all the guests, give them the alternate location for the party, get with your mom-in-law and get it organized, etc. Then call your Mom and tell her where the shower will be, she can come or not.
Don’t let her get a word in edgewise when you call her either, just tell her the alternate plan, ask her to attend, then hang up and do not pick up the phone when she calls for a few days. If you think she will give you grief at your shower, don’t tell her about it at all.
Call her later and tell her that you decided that the location was inappropriate, you spoke to your guests and they agreed, and an alternative location was chosen, since she refused to cooperate or be reasonable, you didn’t see that you had much choice in the matter.
If she starts screeching at you, hang up, or leave her house. If she is at your house and does this, suggest she leave, and show her the door. If she continues to screech and won’t leave, call the police and have her removed. I am not kidding, she is being abusive and controlling and you don’t need it. She either plays by your rules, or she is out of your life. You need to do this, she needs to know you have a line, and when she crosses it, you need to stand up for yourself, if you need police help, then so be it.
You are a grown woman, and while you would like your Mom in your life and the life of your daughter, you CAN do without her. Make that very very clear to her. Once she knows you will cut her out of your life completely if she doesn’t change her behavior, then she will make a choice, either she will behave so she can be in your life, or she will not be in it. It will be her decision.
I know giving her that ultimatum won’t be easy, but you need to do it. She needs to know where she stands with you, and you need to make sure she understands you won’t back down this time. You’ve had it. I had to do this with my Mom on a different issue, but she chose to be a part of my life, and she respects my boundaries now.
Some parents just don’t know how to let go, but you really need to get her to toe the line before your little one is in the picture and she starts using her against you. And you know darn well from her behavior in the past, she wouldn’t hesitate for a second to do so.
Hang in there, you can do this.
*hugs*
KyrinOh oh! Or do this!
I agree with everyones’ advice, but esp. the part about putting your foot down before the baby is born. You can borrow my backbone…I’ve tossed people out of my life for much less. 😆 😉
Ok I’m gonna call her up now and see whats up. I’m not in the mood to fight since I spent all day getting the nursery together (thank god for my brother and his fiance). I’m sure my ears will be bleeding in a few minutes.
I know I’m probably late, but I think that Kyrin’s advice is kinda last resort I would only use that if my mother didn’t take any reasoning, and I mean ANY, ( I know that MOMKNOWSBEST problem, deal with it every day)
BRoS wrote:I know I’m probably late, but I think that Kyrin’s advice is kinda last resort I would only use that if my mother didn’t take any reasoning, and I mean ANY, ( I know that MOMKNOWSBEST problem, deal with it every day)
Absolutely, I agree. My point is, that she has to prepare herself to take it as far as necessary to get her point across to her Mom, or she may as well just cave in now.
She needs to put her foot down, and put it down solid and with power behind it, so her mom knows she really freaking means it.
No waffling and no letting her bully her into giving in. Thing is, Laurie and I’ve talked about her mother in the past, from what I’ve heard from Laurie, that worst case scenerio is all too possible with this woman.
Kyrin
Well that went worse then I expected. I called to just voice my concern over having the baby shower in a garage. Now mind you my dad loves his garage and for a garage it is very clean but the fact is its still a garage. When I called I wasn’t trying to pick a fight I just asked if it was going to be in the garage. When she said yes I told her I was a little concerned (with it being a garage and all there is dust, oil, etc). I said I didn’t think it was a good thing for my husband to be in there for long periods of time. She got pissed off and handed the phone over to my dad telling him I thought his garage was dirty. So my dad went off the deep end and started saying his garage is cleaner then my house (since I have a cat). He said my house is a mess and smells like cat pee, blah blah blah. He also said that I was condensending for everything they do for me. I told him I’ve never been condensending for anything they have done for me and if I have please name when (of course he couldn’t). So he started yelling at me and ended up throwing the phone and he must have broke it because the line went dead. So now I sit here trying to think of how to call back because I don’t want it to end on this note. I never asked for a baby shower nor did I expect one. I’m just really bothered by the fact that she wants to have one in a garage knowing that my husband is fresh out of a lung transplant and that I’m pregnant. My soon to be sister in law offered to have it at her house but my mom is dead set against having it anywhere but the garage. I expected the coversation to go bad but I wasn’t ready for my dad to jump in like he did. Right now I’m at a loss for what to do.
*hugs* I’m sorry they reacted that way. Truthfully, I would let them try to get in touch with you, not the other way around. You don’t own this problem, hun, they do.
She sent me a one sentence email saying if I wasn’t going to the baby shower I need to let her know so she can call everyone and tell them not to come.
Edit: I’ve just come to the conclusion that I’m just an ungrateful sob. Obviously they have been telling me that all my life I’ve just never realized it until now.
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