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this is a sort of a rant thing, so if you’re not in the mood for it, don’t read….
Sometimes I just want to cry, I feel like my soul is being crumpled like a paper bag with disappointing pastries from the bakery still inside it, I have been fighting for years to get my self esteem up and finding the purpose of my existence, finding the look that suits me, making me more likable for me,
well… that actually happened last year, I felt good about myself, actually found a friend that made me feel good about everything I wanted to do but was too afraid to let myself do, we had good times and I grew more confident and I started to love myself for the first time in 29 years, my appearance changed and I got to be more outgoing, doing stuff I always wanted to do with that guy but never found anyone who wanted to do those things with me (we were like best friends and hubby did not get jealous bc he knew nothing would happen).
and then it happened, things went downhill, he heard rumors that I had been telling everyone that he was in love with me and he found that inappropriate so he just stopped talking to me, no surprise there, I would have found that inappropriate to, but it wasn’t a true rumor , I crumbled, begging him to believe me, but he didn’t, and then I found out that our friend (another female) had told him this, I think that she is interested in him, and got jelous, this was hard, and as my self esteem was beginning to crumble again, the demolition process begins, hubs doesn’t like the way I dress anymore, it’s too different, he hates my new glasses, dislikes my haircut, disses my clothes, etc. It allmost seems like he wants the old unhappy me back.
Then comes the case of mom, she insults me every time she comes by my house, complains that I don’t call her often enough (I see her every day) disses my haircut, and gets raving mad if I ask her not to do something (like giving me a scolding in front of my 3yr old when she thinks my upbringing tactics are not quite right and I’m being too harsh, she is undermining my authority and he doesn’t listen to me anymore)so what I feel now is rejection, from my friend, from my man and from mom, I just want to cry, why cant life be simple and why can’t I be happy……
*hugs and virtual chocolate* I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Perhaps a professional? I’m very that you might be suffering from depression. I have a friend who says the same things and she has bouts of depression. Medicine and therapy have made a huge difference in her life – her self esteem is much better since she started seeing a therapist. She also had issues with her mother and the therapist helped her to change how she dealt with her mother. You seem like a very special person and I hope that you do have people in your life that can help you see that.
Helloooooooooo ICELAND!! What are you doing in Iceland BRoS? lol how cool is that!! So, are you an Icelander, or are you uprooted and existing in a far-away land. Well, I hope you got your ‘sometimes’ off your chest a bit.
I don’t know you, but it almost sounds like a mid-life crisis….. and also, welcome to LIFE. Always having to make decisions, often never feeling good enough even for yourself, and that significant other? YIKES – men!!! You had a guy friend who was the only one willing to do the things you wanted to do, and no one else did? I have to ask why you couldn’t do those things yourself, without him? Maybe you did. I am not here to drill you at all – not sure why I am posting…..I love hearing other folks rant, it makes my gripes seem more trivial sometimes (and other times I have to wonder why they think their complaints are sooo bad lol).
Moms want their grandchildren to LOVE them, and so they want to look like the good guy, even at your cost sometimes – it’s the good cop bad cop syndrome. Happens in spouses, too but if you see your mom every day, you are seeing her TOO much (sorry!) – the closer you are with someone, the more opportunities to not get along! Remember growing up, aaaaaah!! Since you said you see her every day, I’ll assume you don’t live together so try and NOT see her every day if you can. 😡
Just trying to offer some ideas……. as for your girlfriend, I think no matter how old we get, we as humans are inset with genetics that allow for jealousies to occur; if she’s a friend you should be able to be BLUNT and ask why she got your male friend mad at you, why she lied about something you didn’t say; it sounds really weird for me on the outside looking in. I would also tell my friend GO FOR IT, and find out if he likes her mutually.
My answer, the only thing that really has worked for me in life is to take life as a grain of sand, it’s part of a bigger picture, and what happens is a result of actions; if I don’t like how something is going, I try to change it. I wish YOU the best in your life, and hope that you find that love for yourself that you found a year ago – many folks don’t find that in a lifetime. 🙂 and oh ::hugs::
Awe man, here, have some hugs and chocolate!
From experience, that does kinda sound like you might be having problems with depression, and I (like ddvm) would suggest talking to a professional.
That and give your hubby a smack upside the head next time he disses your clothing. And then tell him, that he doesn’t really have much say in what you wear, what your hair looks like, or what glasses you wear, and he should just try to deal with it. If you think it looks good on you – then who is he to say different?
i’m really sorry for your situation for sure… but, i do have to say kudos for finding your true self and being honest with who you are inside instead of who everyone wants you to be. takes a really strong person to do that. big hugs for ya and hope things get better soon 🙂
Big, comfort-filled hugs!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI am so sorry that this friendship didnt work out. I hope that your happiness does not depend on others because when something happens (like this) it takes your happiness with it and people like this girlfriend of yours dont deserve to have nice friends like you.
People change their hair, clothes, etc quite often and still may never find what they consider to be “them.” Perhaps you just dont really fit a ‘mold’ and have to accept that you are unique. Keep changing, girl, maybe thats ‘you’. As for your hubby, maybe he is just worried that you will change so much that you wont want him anymore. Nothing wrong with being confident and if he doesnt like your hair, etc, tell him to stick around… it’ll change again eventually. As for your mom, I would kick her out when she acts like that. Tell her that if she has nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, and if she cant keep her nasty opinions to herself, she can leave. 😉
thank you guys, *eats virtual chocolates* I’m kinda afraid to go to a therapist, cus he may lock me away and give me a shirt like jasmines status quotes,
@Poems: yes I’m an Icelander, (an inbreed), and if I’m having mid life crisis I think it would be early, I turned 30 last sunday, I did do those things, but secretly, and that’s no fun at all, (misery loves company), I often find my self thinking that everyone is selfish and most ppl have “universe navel syndrome” that’s why I try not to comlain often, I just needed to this time, My problems are like a speck in the universe, and I’m not its navel 8) and I love drilling, that’s my kinda humour and reminds me not to whine,
the reason I see my mom everyday is because she is nice enough to babysit everyday after kindergarten so that I can keep my job, and as for my girlfriend, I’m being a bitch by acting as if I don’t know that she started the rumors and sulking to her (“why doesn’t he speak to me anymore”), there is no reason for her to find out that I know.and sky, I change often and I change drastically, (he’s a plain person and likes to go with the flow) he nearly cried when I shaved a quarter of my hair to make a punkish style hair, but it really looked good (like Robyn), and I kick my mom out regularly when she passes my limit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vfLvZCdT9g that’s similar to my hair now
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