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Kyrin wrote:
It is more of a production for you to pack up Alyssa, her gear and you and Danny, than it is for her to get in her car and come over. If it isn’t important enough for her to bother, then her loss.
KyrinOh Hell yeah on that one, I mean every time you go out you have to double check the bag to make sure you have absolutely everything in there, even if you made sure that it was ready to go last time you came in. Because one of you may have had to look for something in there and you forgot to make sure everything was back in it. than you’re you’re feeding Breast milk, so either you need the cover ups, and other supplies, or need to get the EBBM ready just before you go, and make sure that you have more than twice as much supplies than you’d need if you were to be at home for the same amount of time just in case Shit happens. and that’s before you even have her out of her PJ’s, and then you have to recheck everything again, after she’s dressed, because guaranteed something got missed. Then you have to get it all lugged out to the car, get her in her seat, and then get the seat in the car too!!! It’s one hell of a big production. While all your mom has to do is grab her purse and go. Oh and you have to remember your purse too, and all of Danny’s
You also have the “excuse” that her grandmother has not seen her that often and so being in the confines of her familiar territory will help Alyssa to not be quite so scared of her, and since she’s not visiting than obviously Alyssa isn’t gonna feel comfortable around her. Also many people I know hardly take their child out of the house before they’re 6 months of age to help and try to keep them from catching any type of illness far less RSV. And since your place has to be kept as allergen (Lung attacking) as possible in the first place it’s far safer for her there. But if she pulls the “Well you take her out to the Mall and elsewhere” card, ’cause I don’t know if you guys stay home or go out alot (Like we do with Khym) have her meet you at some place in between, like the Mall or McDonald’s (Somewhere you wont be too upset if Alyssa starts to cry, yet will also be escapable if you need the excuse)
But in some respects I do also see Danny’s point of view, this thing your Mom’s doing will need to be resolved one way or another before Alyssa’s old enough to realize and ask the Question “Why doesn’t Grandma Love me like she does everyone else?” Or you have an entertaining job ahead of you. Just because she’s Grandma, doesn’t mean that there wont be a look for approval. Especially once Daycare/School is started, and those conversations come up. And I don’t think it’ll be appropriate (although it would be entertaining) for Alyssa to do her Family Tree talking about her “Fruit Cake” grandma. 😈
From the way your mother has acted in the past…I have to say Alyssa is better off not seeing her. It’s her loss, not yours and certainly not Alyssa’s. Your daughter is better off knowing that the people that come to see her want to see her/love her and aren’t visiting because they’re obligated to.
That woman is nuts!!! She has some serious control issues, especially if it’s only 10 minutes for her to travel. I mean really, why should you bring your daughter and husband to her under construction, dusty and presumably drafty house, when all she has to do is come to your (already established, baby safe, all contingencies accounted for) house? She is just being unreasonable. I agree with everything everyone else has said on here. My question is why doesn’t your Dad come over alone? Is he not allowed to travel without your mom? I like the idea of sending the pictures with the vaugly sarcastic love Alyssa comments on them, but that would likely trigger a fight, and then she would (i’m sure) go running to whomever would listen and say “See, my daughter is soooooooo mean to me (sob, whine)” They way I figure it, it’s their loss, not Alyssa’s. I grew up with a grandmother who couldn’t stand me, and made it clear to anyone who would listen what a “Pagan Whore” I was. It was a nitemare when I was little, she would always catch me alone and tell me how much she hated me, wished I was never born, and that I ruined her son’s (my dad) life. And believe me, your beautiful little girl doesn’t need that! Give her all the love that she should be getting from her (neglectful, mean-spirited, EVIL) gramma. And know that we are here for you, and we love you!
Good grief, DragonMistress, am I ever sorry that you had to put up with that rancid old bat while growing up! 😯 But you’re right: there’s no reason to assume that purpledoggy’s mother would be any better an influence on Alyssa. At best, she would attempt to twist Alyssa away from her mother and turn her into another tool for hurting her. At worst, she might start treating Alyssa just the same as she treated purpledoggy when she was little. After all, her track record with her own daughter stinks on ice. I would be extremely cautious about allowing her access to Alyssa: I just cannot see her changing her ways no matter how sweet Alyssa is. Purpledoggy has tried for years to please that woman, and it just can’t be done. Let’s not inflict the same pain on Alyssa! 👿
I understand you are upset, but really, its their loss. Right now she is just a baby… not as interesting to grandparents as to 1st time parents, so while you feel that they are missing out, they feel that they have seen it all before. I am sure they will be a part of Alyssas life, but try not to get so upset if you dont feel they are there enough. 🙂
Kyrin wrote:Well, your Mom is a piece of work, that is for sure. But we knew that. Tell your Dad that if he would like to see Alyssa, to get in the car and come over, he doesn’t have to come with your mom. If she doesn’t have time for her blood grandchildren, but makes time for others, then I would say Alyssa doesn’t really need her.
Alyssa needs stable reliable people in her life, your mother is not counted among those people.
And Danny, it is not hurting Alyssa at all to not know that crazy ditzy woman, you really don’t want that woman to be any kind of influence on your daughter. Let her stay distant and an occassional visitor, the less Alyssa knows her, the less emotional hurt that woman can inflict on her. So far, no harm, no foul.
Laurie, if you mom bitches at you later about not bringing Alyssa over, don’t argue or make excuses. Just say,”You’ve got a car, you know where I live, nothing’s stopping you.” And leave it at that. It is more of a production for you to pack up Alyssa, her gear and you and Danny, than it is for her to get in her car and come over. If it isn’t important enough for her to bother, then her loss.
I know it hurts, but do keep in mind just who this person is, and what she has said and done in the past. Do not forget the past, lest it be repeated. Do not go chasing after her, hoping she will love you and Alyssa, you already know what that will get you. And I really don’t want you to set yourself up for any further hurt from this person.
Know that we here, those of us in the forum and myself love you, appreciate you, and treasure you for who you are. If I ever get the chance to be in your area, be assured I will visit you. YOu have everything you need, I know it is hard to remember that when your mother is being selfish and thoughtless, but you are just fine with what you have right now.
I would wish for you to live closer so we could hang out together, but for now, be assured you have friends and yes, family who love and care for you.
*lots of virtual hugs and love to everyone there*
Kyrin
I second Kyrin on this one. 😉
It sounds like you have tons of wonderful advice and opinions here! 😉 I agree with all of it, and it sounds like we are all on the same page.
Well mom says they will TRY and come over some time this week. She is pissed at me because I don’t want to have my brothers fiancee’s bridal shower at my house (she knows the garage is not good enough for a bridal shower so she doesn’t want to have it there). I found out from my husband today why he has been flying off the handle with all this in-law drama. His doctors took him off his paxil because he has a small pneumonia and the meds they put him on for it will interact with the paxil. Sooo they took him off paxil cold turkey and he says he feels like he is having a mini panic attack. I’ve noticed he gets mad at everything super fast (well not us but everyone else). He is going to call his doctor today and see what they can do. They can’t put him back on the paxil but maybe they can give him something else.
See if he can try Cymbalta. I took Paxil for post partum depression and nearly killed by twins. I take Cymbalta because it was originally developed as a long term pain control substance with few to no addictive processes. They found that a side effect was a mood elevator; it really helped with depression with none of the side effects of other anti-depressants. I haven’t felt this good in a long time and it’s been nearly 6 months since the last time I wanted to tear my husbands head off and stuff it down his throat….. the twins like be better to and I like feeling better. Once spring really and truly gets here, we’ll stop it for depression use and go back to the lower dose for pain management. Hope this helps!
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
Oh ha? Exsqueeze me? The garage isn’t good enough for a bridal shower, but she tried to strong-arm you into having your baby shower there? 👿 No she may NOT pressure you into hosting the bridal shower at your home! Hello! Since when is it your concern that she hasn’t planned ahead?
Boy, your mom sure can get my goat. 🙄 But seriously, no. She may not push you into hosting a shower when you have a new baby. No. Absolutely not. Lord only knows who might show up who’s sick, and expose Alyssa. And she doesn’t need a bunch of (to her) complete strangers tramping through en masse. Forget it.
Remind your mother that your house is also Alyssa’s house and that you will not send your daughter out to a babysitter just so that she doesn’t cry and disrupt the Bridal shower. Because she will and most people definitely do not want a bridal shower to have Whinning Screaming and every other noise, (Not to mention smells 😈 ) that a baby makes at an event such as that. Hell most people don’t even want that at Baby Showers!!! 😯 Not that Alyssa’s probably not almost as good as Khym 😀 , but try and make it look like the worst case scenario.
purpledoggy wrote:Well mom says they will TRY and come over some time this week. She is pissed at me because I don’t want to have my brothers fiancee’s bridal shower at my house (she knows the garage is not good enough for a bridal shower so she doesn’t want to have it there). I found out from my husband today why he has been flying off the handle with all this in-law drama. His doctors took him off his paxil because he has a small pneumonia and the meds they put him on for it will interact with the paxil. Sooo they took him off paxil cold turkey and he says he feels like he is having a mini panic attack. I’ve noticed he gets mad at everything super fast (well not us but everyone else). He is going to call his doctor today and see what they can do. They can’t put him back on the paxil but maybe they can give him something else.
OK I’m lost here how come a garage is not good enough for a bridal shower BUT is was good enough for your baby shower?? Isn’t that a double standard??
OOPPS sam thing as 2 posts ahead. BUT she also knew Danny had jsut had surgery which makes it even WORSEMom likes my brothers fiancee and hates me so I guess a garage isn’t good enough for her bridal shower. Now she is trying to lay a guilt trip on me saying “well I guess I’ll haaaavve to have it in the garage since we can’t do it at your house”. Oh well I’m not having a party here. I’m sure she will tell my brother how I didn’t want to have it here and put a spin on it to make me a bad person. I’ve been trying to call him to let him know all this before she gets ahold of him but he isn’t answering his phone.
Well, your brother grew up with her same as you did, and if he’s got an ounce of brains in his head then he will know her ways. Her notion of making you host the shower is ridiculous, and he should realize that and know that no matter what your mother tells him, she is promoting a terrible idea. If he doesn’t figure these things out, then shame on him. You don’t have to try to relate your side of it to him first. I bet he’s not answering his phone because he’s avoiding her.
Stick to your guns! We’re all pulling for you! 🙂
Yeah he wont answer the phone for fear it is her but I call him on his cell so he knows its me. He probably isn’t answering the phone because he is drinking. He knows how my mom is and we always take each others side I just don’t want my mom to put a spin on it even though I know he won’t believe her. My poor brother had to listen to my cry on the phone many a time while my husband was in the hospital waiting for his transplant and afterward when my mom would tell me I shouldn’t be so upset my husband was dying and I knew it would come to this. Even though it made him uncomfortable to hear me cry (we usually don’t share emotions) he still sat there and listened to me.
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