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/venton
My parents have seen Alyssa all of twice since she was born. They came to the hospital once and then again two weeks after we got home. I’ve been telling my mom to come over the house to pick up some pictures we had done at Sears and to visit Alyssa. I guess I should be happy that she hasn’t been around but she makes it a point to see everyone elses kids and mine isn’t good enough. She babysat my uncles kids while they where on a cruise a month ago. She just sent me an email saying she went to my brothers fiancee’s sisters kids birthday party (yeah I know its confusing to read). My dad called me while we were at Body Worlds last week pissed that he hasn’t seen his grandchild. I told him I’ve been asking mom when they were going to come over and he said she never said anything to him about it. I told him I’ve been asking her for weeks to come over the house since I have pictures for them but I guess they don’t want them. He told me he wants me to bring her over there house. Thats not going to happen because they are still working on the house and I’m not going to bring her around that dusty environment. When I emailed my mom asking why she couldn’t stop by the house on her way to the birthday party she attended she told me she was too busy working on the house and only stopped long enough to go to the party. So working on the house and visiting kids that are not related to her are more important then seeing her own grandchild. I’m fine with the fact they don’t want to come over my house but my husband is flipping out because he says in the end it will hurt Alyssa. He says even though he hates my parents its not right what they are doing to her and he wants me to call them up and confront them. I just don’t feel like getting into an argument with them and I know it won’t do any good. Nothing will change its just the way they want to be. Sorry just had to vent.
/ventoffI’m SO sorry that you have to go thru this. I agree in NOT bringing her to a house with all the dust. They need to work with your schedule not the other way around. If they do not want to don’t worry about it. You keep giving your daughter all the LOVE she needs and if Grandma and Grandpa don’t want to then you just need to give her more!!
That’s a real shame. How far away do they live from you?? I mean since they are still working on the house they should know better not to have you bring her to them. They should def. come to your place.
I agree with DM.My most wanted list: carnelian mouse wizard, copper patina frog wizard, autumn leaf poads, pumpkin spice kitties
They live about 10 minutes away from my house. I keep telling my mom she should come over to see her but her only reply is “you need to come over here”. So I guess they won’t be seeing her any time soon.
Only 10 minutes away?! that’s stupid of them. I mean even if they were like an hour away, with all the construction going on at their house they should still come to your place. I’m so sorry.
My most wanted list: carnelian mouse wizard, copper patina frog wizard, autumn leaf poads, pumpkin spice kitties
I don’t think it’s going to hurt Alyssa. Right now, she’s too little to care, and as she grows older, she can call her grandparents and ask them to come over. There’s nothing like a little voice asking for something to make a grandparent melt on the spot.
Really, don’t worry about it.
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
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I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmAnd hey, whose fault it is they are missing out on any firsts Alyssa might be having? Not your’s, but their’s (or more specifically your mother! I wouldn’t sweat it either.
Well, your Mom is a piece of work, that is for sure. But we knew that. Tell your Dad that if he would like to see Alyssa, to get in the car and come over, he doesn’t have to come with your mom. If she doesn’t have time for her blood grandchildren, but makes time for others, then I would say Alyssa doesn’t really need her.
Alyssa needs stable reliable people in her life, your mother is not counted among those people.
And Danny, it is not hurting Alyssa at all to not know that crazy ditzy woman, you really don’t want that woman to be any kind of influence on your daughter. Let her stay distant and an occassional visitor, the less Alyssa knows her, the less emotional hurt that woman can inflict on her. So far, no harm, no foul.
Laurie, if you mom bitches at you later about not bringing Alyssa over, don’t argue or make excuses. Just say,”You’ve got a car, you know where I live, nothing’s stopping you.” And leave it at that. It is more of a production for you to pack up Alyssa, her gear and you and Danny, than it is for her to get in her car and come over. If it isn’t important enough for her to bother, then her loss.
I know it hurts, but do keep in mind just who this person is, and what she has said and done in the past. Do not forget the past, lest it be repeated. Do not go chasing after her, hoping she will love you and Alyssa, you already know what that will get you. And I really don’t want you to set yourself up for any further hurt from this person.
Know that we here, those of us in the forum and myself love you, appreciate you, and treasure you for who you are. If I ever get the chance to be in your area, be assured I will visit you. YOu have everything you need, I know it is hard to remember that when your mother is being selfish and thoughtless, but you are just fine with what you have right now.
I would wish for you to live closer so we could hang out together, but for now, be assured you have friends and yes, family who love and care for you.
*lots of virtual hugs and love to everyone there*
Kyrin
dragonmedley wrote:I don’t think it’s going to hurt Alyssa. Right now, she’s too little to care, and as she grows older, she can call her grandparents and ask them to come over. There’s nothing like a little voice asking for something to make a grandparent melt on the spot.
Really, don’t worry about it.
I agree completely. The other thing you could do is mail the pix to your folks (in separate mailers) Send the really cute ones to your dad with a note “from Alyssa” saying how much she misses him and sign it with her footprint. Send the not so cute pix to you mum with a note “from Alyssa” saying she’s so sorry she can’t come visit but with RSV on the rise she doesn’t want a hopital stay at this age and sign it with a crayon smiley face 😈
When my twins were born preemie and in Nov. we didn’t go anywhere much or have anyone over because of the RSV threat and if those who wanted to visit got offended that was their prob. not mine…….
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
I like the idea of mailing the pictures and signing them with a footprint. I used to do that with cards I would send out from my son. Sometimes I would do a footprint and sometimes I would do a handprint. My husband loved that because he could see how Gavin was growing by the difference in sizes.
Now that he’s old enought I give Gavin what ever is handy and let him scribble.
I know it hurts to be ignored by your parents but the way your mother has acted towards you in the past I am sure you don’t expect much from her. As others have stated Alyssa is to young to be hurt right now and you can always hope things will get better when she is old enough to understand how your mother is acting but I am sure you can explain the situation to her at that time.
It seems to me your Mom is still trying to control you/the situation. Don’t let her. The way she acts, the less any of you see of her, the better. Just my 2¢
Yup, lamortefille is right, I think. This whole “I won’t come to you–you come to me” routine sounds like a power play aimed at putting you at the disadvantage. It would take you off your home turf, and it puts you to a lot of inconvenience (let’s face it, travelling with a baby or small child is a lot of work). Don’t go to your mother, no way. She’s up to no good with this little game.
Kyrin said it best: Alyssa is much too young to even care whether she sees her maternal grandmother or not. But she isn’t too young to recognize bad vibes. Alyssa is going to respond to what you are feeling. You cannot possibly hide your emotional responses from her: she’s too young to be fooled. So for her sake as well as your own, plan her interactions with your mother carefully. If you are in a bad position, Alyssa will sense it and become distressed herself. When Alyssa is around your mother, it is critical that you feel strong and supported, because Alyssa will take her cues from you. So do not, under any circumstances, let your mother maneuver you into a bad situation. You know what gives your mother the upper hand–don’t let her have it.
At the moment, the only people your mother is hurting are your father–who’s an adult, and can come over on his own if he pleases–and herself. She’s trying to hurt you, but you don’t have to play her game, so don’t. For Alyssa’s sake, set the ground rules so that you have the emotional advantage. The last thing Alyssa wants or needs is for her mother, the center of her young universe, to be giving off stress and unhappiness. She is very young, and you are her rock. She needs you to be well and strong.
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