sexual harassment

[Grayfire_artz]

chrisherself wrote:

I’m glad you were able to do what you needed and get out. I can thoroughly understand you not wanting to harm your company, but I’d still gently urge you to file a report with the police on the incident, if it can be managed without the company getting too much bad publicity. They may do good, but they did nothing good for you, even going so far as to blame you for the incident. You don’t need to feel obligated to protect them. They certainly didn’t step in to protect you.

If you feel obligated to do anything, it needs to be reporting this parasite. What Ghostndragon says is true, if there is no record of his transgressions, then he can and will probably do this again. Would you put any other woman in your position? You can use your voice to ensure that doesn’t happen to anyone else. (I didn’t want to take legal action on my ex either, but the fear that he could do the same thing he did to me, to some other victim, made me feel like I had a duty to. And I’m glad I did.)

I promise that’s the last I’ll say on legal matters–whatever you do, I hope you can surround yourself with positive people who can help lift you up again. And I’m so glad you’re painting and being creative! Please post some of your art up for us!

i’ve been doing a bit of research about what i can do… and i have been talking to a few lawyers about the incident. i do have to admit i’m really scared of doing anything beyond what i have done… but you guys are right if he did it to me he’ll do it to someone else. criminal psychology only points to a progression in violent acts starting from sexual assault leading to rape. and i do not doubt that he will progress through to more violent acts.

[Rachel]

Glad you’re looking into it, at least. Scary, for sure. But if he’s on the legal radar, it might be better for his next victim, whenever that might be. Like you said, he’ll likely escalate.

[Bob]

I hope things get worked out to at least record this issue so if it happens again there is at least a paper trail

[chrisherself]

Good for you. Best of luck and please PM me if you want/need to talk. 🙂 Take extra special care of yourself too!

[Katherine]

I know how you want to protect the company-but they sound like they weren’t very friendly towards you toward the incident.
Think about it this way-in 5 years they probably won’t remember you-in 5 years you WILL remember them (and that co-worker). I am glad you are talking to lawyers. Please stop him. *hugs*

[Bob]

EXACTLY

[Heather]

Oh. My. Word. Grayfire, my most profound apologies for being so tardy in catching up on the Forum threads, because I missed an opportunity to shout out in support of you when this first happened. I am absolutely livid over what that unprintable sod did to you. 👿 And the whole bit where they tried to shuffle the blame off on you? RAGE! You handled the situation with far more control and common sense than I could have. But yes, I would have been stunned by that asinine “you smiled too much” comment too, and not known what to say. Where do they get off throwing that particular chunk of fossilized turtle turd around? What, are we all supposed to go around staring at the ground and saying nothing when there’s a male around, in case we “entice” him to “forget himself” and “lose all control”?! I don’t freaking think so. What, are men so inherently weak that they can’t be expected to behave themselves in the presence of a female? Not bloody likely. That kind of moronic mouthing is nothing more than the words of a coward afraid to face the situation. The man who threw that bit of opossum spittle at you is unworthy to crew a rowboat, let alone a tall ship, and needs a good hard kick in the rump in hopes of jump-starting his brain. He’s just enabling the monster.

I’m grateful for all of the people here who posted swiftly and forcefully in their support for you, because every one of them is 100% right. There is no place for Scumbag’s kind of sadistic behavior. He needs to be brought up short and sharp; while I utterly respect and sympathize with your desire to get the heck out of that bad situation, I’d encourage you to file that statement and hammer out a plan with the lawyers. In the first place, this filth will try his stunt again with someone else; in the second place, he may have notions of stalking, and I do NOT want you to ever have to endure that. Protect yourself. Protect other women. Don’t leave yourself vulnerable.

The toenails sound like a great place to start, but I am entertaining thoughts that involve a grapefruit spoon. You know, the ones with the teeth? Or a large anthill, a shovel, and a jar of honey could be suitable.

[Mmloda]

😮 I can’t believe I missed this thread, I am so sorry to hear about what you have gone through, but I see this happen on daily basis, I work for a Rape Crisis Centre…I know that someone on here has already mentioned that the survivors are always the ones who have the blame placed on them and that is true, it is truely unfortunate.
I am not sure if it is the same in the US as it is in Canada, but you might be able to get some help and support from a Sexual Assault care Centre or a Rape Crisis Centre in your area, that is if there is one there.
I would suggest that you report this to the police because that way they will have him on file and fro all you know they may already do. I am not sure if the police there will charge him automatically or if it will be your decision, I know that here reporting and charging are two different things and if it is reported it does not mean that the perp.. will be charged unless the survivor confims that they would like to lay the actual charges ( there are some exceptions tho, where the police will lay the charges anyway) but there muct be some place in your area that can help you and advise you on all of your options… 🙂

Marzena

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