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BIG BIG hugs my dear. No matter what anyone says, you did nothing wrong. I want you to read that sentence over and over. So much good advice has been given, especially from Snap, so I don’t want to get too wordy, but I can’t help it a little because I’m relating so personally to your problem. I really hope you are able to roll up your sleeves and show the offender, and those who are blaming you, that they are wrong. They ARE.
NO ONE asks to be harassed or assaulted. You can (and SHOULD) get a Temporary Restraining Order served on this snake very easily at this point; you are citing an extended period of harassment which has escalated into sexual assault. TROs are easy to acquire (I had to get one for an ex whose stalking and threatening behavior spiraled out of control when I broke up with him). A permanent restraining order is more involved, but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that this offender has done everything to deserve one. You would most likely be successful in getting a permanent Restraining Order should you choose to pursue that. (If I got one, you can.) What this ass has done to you is gravely offensive, do not downplay it as women are often pressured to. You have rights and resources.
I’m picking up from your tone of writing that this has been traumatic, and I can feel your hopelessness and sense of helplessness. It’s breaking my heart for you because oh boy have I been there. 🙁 When you’re so subjugated, so disrespected, you lose your will to fight for your own personal rights. (It took weeks of support and encouragement from my friends/family to go after the TRO on my ex. I had no ‘fight’ left in me after that relationship.) You HAVE to find a little spark and fight fight fight! I want you to get MAD! Get PISSED OFF!! Right now, anger is your armor and it is ok to use it. You should feel angry that this pissant has been so disrespectful. Don’t listen to the voices (maybe yours) that tell you, well, maaaybe you did ask for it a little, maybe you could have been more forceful when you turned him down. Those voices, no matter where they come from, are dead wrong. No is NO.
The law is SO on your side in a situation like this. Your instinct right now may be to move on from the ordeal, to run and forget, but please at least listen to me from the other side–you will benefit in ways you can’t possibly expect, if you choose to stand up for yourself and take legal action against this coward who deserves his punishment. He took advantage of you because of that cowardice. He will be no fight in the legal system if you step up to the plate. The time to do that is now. YOU deserve to be heard, and he DESERVES to be exposed. Taking him to court will humiliate and punish him for what he has done to you. It’s ok to want to do that to him. Get in touch with the Mama Bear who protects your inner child, because that child needs a hero right now.
You can turn this situation into something very empowering for you, and you can come out of it stronger. Please please please let us know how you’re doing. We’re here to lift you up at a time you need to be reminded just how special, valuable, and deserving of respect you truly are.
OMG! That’s horrible 👿 . That was most definetly assault! Don’t quite your job because of that a-hole! He needs to be reprimanded for his actions . No matter what anybody says, you weren’t ‘asking for it’. It’s not your fault he’s a pig and obviously unable to control himself like a normal human being! This kind of thing makes me so angery 😡 . Hang in there hon. Big *hugs*.
I agree with Chris. GET ANGRY. Do you have documentation that you told your supervisors that this was going on? And they did nothing? File a police report, go to court. You will win. You did nothing wrong. You told him no and that ought to have been that with nothing more to speak of. I suspect a power play, especially since he went so far as to assault you. Fight back, the SOB deserves to lose his job and the people who blame you? Are no better than he is. Victim blaming is foul and I can’t stand the people who do it.
I am furious just reading this, and I can assure you from past high school groping shenanigans, I react violently to unwanted physical attention. It didn’t even happen to me and I want to beat the guy senseless.
Good luck, and I’m very sorry you had to suffer this at all.
Speaking as an Equal opportunity person, I will tell you that that is sexual assault, not sexual harrasment, and you should either file a complaint, if the guy is a co worker or call the police if he is not. That is crap. It is NOT your fault, but its typical to try to shift blame. Even him asking you out repeatedly constitutes harrasment.
Stuff like this just makes me so mad I really have no appropriate words to express myself. What other people is saying is true, though, this is assault, not harassment.
I got assaulted once when I was about twelve, a guy almost tried to force me to perform, well, a sexual act on him. It was the father of one of my friends. I got away thankfully, manage to squirm from him and run out the door.
When my parents confronted the family they lied about everything. Since we had no evidence there was nothing we could do at that point.I wish you the best of luck in this and hope that worm gets what’s coming to him.
everything went well i quit on Friday i talked to my boss he was very sad to see me go. the company is taking actions on it. turns out this is the first case sexual assault that they have dealt with. i’ll be getting my last two paychecks. the guy who did this will never be hired back on by this company and i’ll make sure he never works on another tall ship again. i didn’t in involve the police do to the fact that it would put the organization in it’s grave… and over the summer i was able to see how it works for the children and it’s very important to me that they stay around. so i’m home now already started painting again. ordering my pyo’s….i feel really good with how this turned out 🙂
Excellent. I’m glad that you are happy with the outcome and that they are actually doing something about it. :]
I’m glad all things worked out to your satisification BUT I still would like to see him hanged by his toe nails!!
Did you have to quit since the let him go??
Congratulations on getting an outcome you are satisfied with and with standing up for yourself! I’m just sorry you had to go through that – no one should be subjected to treatment like that. Maybe the lowlife scum will think twice before harassing someone else.
Ugh! Just read this. You were subjected to assault by the man. Then you were subjected to sexual harassment when they put you at fault. Glad it worked out, but I admit that my blood boils just a bit to know that no one truly got punished here. Yeah…the guy got fired. But without any legal record of it, anyone that is subjected to him again will be starting from scratch. If done right, the guy assaulting would be the ONLY one in trouble. The others should have supported you immediately and without question. That the others blamed you is horrible.
I’m glad you were able to do what you needed and get out. I can thoroughly understand you not wanting to harm your company, but I’d still gently urge you to file a report with the police on the incident, if it can be managed without the company getting too much bad publicity. They may do good, but they did nothing good for you, even going so far as to blame you for the incident. You don’t need to feel obligated to protect them. They certainly didn’t step in to protect you.
If you feel obligated to do anything, it needs to be reporting this parasite. What Ghostndragon says is true, if there is no record of his transgressions, then he can and will probably do this again. Would you put any other woman in your position? You can use your voice to ensure that doesn’t happen to anyone else. (I didn’t want to take legal action on my ex either, but the fear that he could do the same thing he did to me, to some other victim, made me feel like I had a duty to. And I’m glad I did.)
I promise that’s the last I’ll say on legal matters–whatever you do, I hope you can surround yourself with positive people who can help lift you up again. And I’m so glad you’re painting and being creative! Please post some of your art up for us!
I’m glad you feel good about how all this turned out–that’s important. Glad to hear you are happier–seen your pyo work–you should have no problems with getting commissions! Personally, I’m with Dragon Master though–would love to see this pig hang by his toenails! 👿
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