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I know I don’t post here a lot, nor much about myself, but you guys are always so thoughtful about personal problems that I feel comfortable having a bit of a vent because my patience has been sorely tried.
Okay, to try to break it down simply: I have a younger brother who is 19 (legal to drink in Canada, I should add), we are both still living at home (not my choice but working on getting out of dodge) and last summer, he invited his friends over almost every night to use our bbq and drink and socialize. They are generally loud and make a huge mess when they do so. I admit, we let it go on too long but we figured it was his last summer before college, let him get it out of his system. I see now that it was a mistake because now warm weather has rolled around again and despite the rest of the family agreeing last summer that it would be the end, my brother is picking up right where he left off last year.
It follows the same pattern each time. We notice he’s invited about ten or more people over and the stereo starts blasting and the bbq is lit and the bottles come out. We ask him to get everyone out of the backyard by 11pm and he agrees. 11pm rolls around and the yard is still full of drunken kids. I wait about 15 mins then politely but firmly tell them to please go home and leave. Instead of getting it done, my brother starts to argue with me, starting out humourously and ending quite verbally abusive with swearing, name calling and unbelievable anger. He fights me every step of the way, talking over me as I try to explain why we would like people to leave NOW and not in another 20 mins. When it’s all said and done, I am left shaking with my attempt to keep my temper and from the verbal abuse. He doesn’t scare me but it is incredibly disturbing to have someone scream at you and call you names when you haven’t done anything other than ask for curfew to be acknowledged. It just happened again about an hour ago and it shook my composure enough that I found myself unable to concentrate on the drawing I was working on.
I know my brother has ADHD but he seems to be in denial that it has any impact on his life other than affecting his schoolwork. I personally think he’s quicker to anger like this when he stops medicating but I can’t seem to convince him of this. Whatever the cause, he’s got anger issues that I nor my parents can’t seem to get him to take seriously and I wish I could think of a way to avert a whole summer full of this absolutely unacceptable situation.
I honestly do not know what is going on in his head that we do him a favour by allowing his friends to use our backyard, sometimes eat our food (which my brother’s new gimmick is to charge them a dollar an apple or hotdog bun or whatever, to which I told him we are not a hostel nor a cafeteria), make a huge mess one way or another and most likely disturb our neighbors with their drunken loudness and stereo blasting and he acts as if we are horrible people for asking them to leave at a reasonable hour.
I just… ARGH.
I do feel better laying it all out and getting it off my chest 🙂
Start calling the cops to have them clear out your back yard. The guests have worn out their welcome by then and are surely disturbing the neighbors.
Rusti wrote:Start calling the cops to have them clear out your back yard. The guests have worn out their welcome by then and are surely disturbing the neighbors.
That’s definitely been on my mind but I’m hoping to think of a solution that doesn’t make it come to that. It’s more about the stress to my folks than anything else, that’s my chief concern.
Im sorry girl. I would just call the cops, too. Maybe it will be hurtful to him, but he is being a jerk to you and quite disrespectful. 🙁 I hope putting your collective foot down works and he wont bring more folks to the house.
Or turn his friends away at the door, if you can. He’s obviously decided that ‘no parties’ means “I can party whenever I want regardless of what my family thinks.”
I dunno. Sometimes involving the law gets the message across that you mean it.
skigod377 wrote:Im sorry girl. I would just call the cops, too. Maybe it will be hurtful to him, but he is being a jerk to you and quite disrespectful. 🙁 I hope putting your collective foot down works and he wont bring more folks to the house.
Thanks deary *smush* Maybe I can arrange to have the cops do that whole “Spend a night in jail to scare ya straight” set-up… do they only do that on TV? *chuckle*
Rusti wrote:Or turn his friends away at the door, if you can. He’s obviously decided that ‘no parties’ means “I can party whenever I want regardless of what my family thinks.”
I dunno. Sometimes involving the law gets the message across that you mean it.
Ironically, he’s going to college to get into law enforcement. I try not to think about it too much, because it makes my brain want to explode. But I think you’re right, he’s made it clear he doesn’t care what we think or feel.
sunhawk wrote:Thanks deary *smush* Maybe I can arrange to have the cops do that whole “Spend a night in jail to scare ya straight” set-up… do they only do that on TV? *chuckle*
😆 That would be so great!! He would never forgive you guys though. 😆 I know our small town cops would do it, but I have no idea if they will do it where you are.
skigod377 wrote:sunhawk wrote:Thanks deary *smush* Maybe I can arrange to have the cops do that whole “Spend a night in jail to scare ya straight” set-up… do they only do that on TV? *chuckle*
😆 That would be so great!! He would never forgive you guys though. 😆 I know our small town cops would do it, but I have no idea if they will do it where you are.
He should be hoping for me to forgive him right now, so I wouldn’t be too worried about it 😉
I have no idea, I’m in the middle of suburbia so there’s not that same small-town vibe where I know any of the local cops, dangit.
sunhawk wrote:I wait about 15 mins then politely but firmly tell them to please go home and leave.
You say “I” in this statement, but “we” throughout the rest of your story, which makes me ask if your parents expect you to confront your brother for them or if your parents are not enforcing the rules they set and you take it upon yourself to enforce their rules?
What do your parents say? It’s their job to either do something about it or not. Even though he’s being a self-absorbed POS, you don’t own the house to enforce the rules.
I wish people were more considerate, especially to their sisters!
Just keep your eye on getting yourself your own place and getting some piece and quiet.
Good luck!Lokie wrote:sunhawk wrote:I wait about 15 mins then politely but firmly tell them to please go home and leave.
You say “I” in this statement, but “we” throughout the rest of your story, which makes me ask if your parents expect you to confront your brother for them or if your parents are not enforcing the rules they set and you take it upon yourself to enforce their rules?
I sometimes act as their messenger, sometimes in a “I’m going to bed, I just told them to go home, if they are still here in 15 mins can you go out and remind them I want them to leave?” sort of way. But you have a point, I should probably stop acting as messenger since I myself don’t have their authority or weight. I sometimes just choose to get involved because I get tired of watching from the sidelines.
Phoenix wrote:What do your parents say? It’s their job to either do something about it or not. Even though he’s being a self-absorbed POS, you don’t own the house to enforce the rules.
I wish people were more considerate, especially to their sisters!
Just keep your eye on getting yourself your own place and getting some piece and quiet.
Good luck!Well I told my mum what happened and she said “Well that’s it, no more evening get togethers for him” so I hope that gets enforced but we shall see. Thanks for the sympathy ^_^
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