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Got a pretty awful Christmas gift.
I’ve been dating this fellow for nine months. Knew each other and been friends, occasionally more than friends, since almost 5 years before.
When we started going out he told me he couldn’t handle a serious relationship, because he was moving to Korea after the first of the year. That gelled with me because I’d gotten out of a nasty relationship a few months prior and wasn’t ready to jump right back into one. Since we’d known each other for a long time before, it was comfortable to spend time with each other and be romantic, even knowing he’d be leaving. We both agreed to not see other people, to be monogamous while we were seeing each other.
That was back in March. Fast forward a few months, and he lands a fantastic job in the states, and decides to stay. We continue seeing each other and enjoying each others’ company.
Not long after that I knew I was in trouble. Felt too much for him. So I told him so. Told him I was worried, because it seemed that I liked him too much, more than he liked me, and that I really enjoyed our time together, and him as a person. Told him that it might be better to end it there if he didn’t feel the same way, before I got hurt.
He assured me that I was awesome and fun and sexy, that he was ‘really bad at serious relationships,’ that he liked being with me. This eased my worry somewhat.
Then he started spending more time with me, and being more affectionate. Like, really sweet. He seemed happy. I was happy.
The next two months were pretty wonderful. But I found myself realizing that we’d been dating for nine months, and while things were going really well, the only thing that bothered me was that I didn’t know what to call him when I told people about him. We had all of the earmarks of a serious relationship anyway, it seemed silly not to acknowledge it.
So I asked him the old ‘what are we’ question.
And he dumped me. Four days before Christmas.
As we talked about it, he told me he knew a while back I wasn’t ‘serious relationship’ material, but enjoyed being peripherally attached. So while I was being patient and trying not to pressure him, he was treating me like a plaything to occupy his time until he found ‘the one.’ When I asked him if he knew he was hurting me, he replied “yeah, kinda.”
What hurts so much is looking back at the past months, and how wonderful it’s been to be with him, and realizing it meant so, so much less to him than it has to me. He was wasting my time and my heart.
I feel so used, and betrayed, and lied to, and just… less than nothing. Not even worth an honest answer when I told him, “I’m worried I like you too much, it might be better to end things here before I get hurt.”
I really thought he was different and special.
fml.
Aw Chris, I’ve been in a similar situation before. I can promise you that it won’t hurt forever. **HUGS** Don’t let him make you feel like you wasted your time, he wasn’t worthy of your heart IMO. <3
Chris, I’m so sorry!
I know nothing can make you feel better right now, but in the long run, this behaviour will remind you that he’s not worth your pain. Not only was he a bad relationship, but he was a bad friend as well, which may be worse in this case.
This.
That being said, you enjoyed your time with him. Don’t lose that. Looking back on it and seeing it in a new light doesn’t change the fact that you were having a good time at the time. It’s unfair that he treated it as a fling and not anything more, especially when he knew that he would be staying and you alerted him to the fact that continuing the relationship risked your feelings. Shame on him!
I know it’s hard, but just take it for what it is–a good time and a learning experience. It’s not that you’re worthless, it’s that he used you. That means *he* is the one of questionable worth. Not that it will make you feel better right now, but hopefully when the heartbreak softens a bit, you’ll see it for what it is.
What a creep ! He’s not worth it . Heartless to do something like that to someone . He knew it too .
So sorry this happened to you, Chris 🙁 He should have been honest with you when you told him you were worried you were liking him too much. That would have been the time for him to be truthful with you–but he didn’t! The problem is with him–you provided the opportunity for him to be honest with you and he failed. I’m sorry it happened at this time of year but he isn’t worth crying over. He showed his true colors.
You are not a nothing and don’t ever feel that way. We all have been sucked in like this one way or another. He didn’t deserve you and I hate guys that lead gals on and use them as a ‘bus stop’ until what they really want comes around. What goes around, comes around! Karma is an unmerciful b***h–I’ve seen it happen.
Hold your head up high–you have a lot going for you. Have yourself a Merry Christmas anyway!
Sorry that happened, Chris. Men can be real jerks. I am mad at him on your behalf for not saying something when he had the chance when you said you liked him too much. That what when he should have broken up if he was gonna do it, not reassure you & keep going. Insensitive, thoughtless & selfish. You are not worthless, & you definately deserve better. Don’t let this insensitive selfish person ruin your year or your Chrismtmas cheer. (<—ooh look, I rhymed! LOL)
In the end, he's the loser here, not you. He had a chance to be with a wonderful & great person & he blew it. Idiot.
Hang in there, the right person is still out there waiting for you, you'll run into him sooner or later. Hugs!
Kyrin
That being said, you enjoyed your time with him. Don’t lose that. Looking back on it and seeing it in a new light doesn’t change the fact that you were having a good time at the time.
That is so true. What we did have, at the time, was enjoyable, and I remember thinking that our time spent together was really ‘good for me,’ made me want to be better. I liked that a lot.
Thank you all so, so much for your kind, thoughtful, and WISE words. <3 You have no idea how much they helped, and helped me to sort out what I am feeling and what I want in the maelstrom of emotions. Dang emotions. 😛 I did read each and every one of your messages and found so much clarity and warmth there. Thank you so much!
I got to see him last night, and tell him some stuff that had been on my mind. And thanks to you guys I was able to express it a lot more clearly!!! Sad, but good conversation and I feel better having talked to him face to face. (He lives about 40 minutes away so we talk on chat a lot. The breakup actually happened over chat.)
Some of the reasons he had for me not being serious relationship material were mentioned too. Listening him talk out loud about it, I could see him realizing that those issues weren't quite the issues he thought. Interesting to see the gears turning there.
He's off on a trip China for 10 days or so. Some time apart will be good for us. I'm gonna focus on my family and friends and last minute Christmas shopping. And a repair job if I survive the mall!
Big, big hugs back to everyone for your helpful advice and kind words, I am just so repeatedly blown away by how wonderful and supportive you all are. <3 <3 <3 I love this place. 🙂
if it’s any help, here’s a short tidbit about me…my second ex broke it off about I think it was about 4 days after x-mas…about a month later, I found myself ready for love again and that very day I met my now husband…..
hope that helps you feel a bit better….
4 things I'm looking for:
1. Mother Meerkat
2. production color Sitting Young Oriental dragons to be made in more colors besides VF, Brimstone would be awesome!
3. Female Griffin – Siamese with White
4. September Raffle Prize 2022 AHD Male Griffin
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