Post Partum or wrong decision?

[Amanda]

[Amanda]

Need some advice. My SIL just gave birth 8 days ago to a beautiful little girl. They have had the normal newborn stuff, breastfeeding, little weight gain, just getting to know each other troubles but nothing to panic over. Then yesterday they unexpectly lost thier 9 year old doberman after a stressful surgery. Ofcourse they are devastated. Here is what I need advice on. BIL went up to thier camp which is just down the road not even 3 minutes from thier house and mentioned that he may need a ride home. SIL said she would go get him if he needed, that she would just leave the baby alone for a few minutes and it would be ok 😮 ….Now, in my mind this is an absolute no no, period. Add to that SIL is trying to let the baby cry herself to sleep(at 8 days old) and I’m thinking post partum may be setting in. Or, is SIL just making bad, greif induced decisions?

Thanks guys!

[Katherine]

Oh wow-you really need to talk to her about the crying it out thing and leaving her home alone! There is a convincing article around here about the negative side effects CIO does to an infant’s brain at so young of age. These might just be poor decisions-but it depends on her mood-is she desperate to leave the baby alone? Negative about the baby? Sad all of the time? Let me look up the article…..

Here it is: it is lengthy, but it has references. If you could show her this paper and highlight the information relevant to her situation, then she might become a little wiser about leaving her baby alone and not feeding her baby in the middle of the night.
http://www.babyreference.com/Stressinfancy.htm

[Skigod377]

Maybe she just thinks its ok…Esp if she is a first time parent. From many peoples standpoint, the baby would be safer at home for a few minutes than in a car… maybe she just doesnt understand that it is never ok to leave a baby alone like that. She is probably thinking “what is the likelyhood of something actually happening to the baby?” while she is gone. If this is her first child, she probably just doesnt know any better.

[Starbreeze]

Another possibility is that a friend may be giving her the wrong advice. You never leave babies, or small childred alone in the house. Not even for a few minutes. When kids are older and they cry at bedtime because they want the parents to run back in the room, that’s the time to let them “cry it out”, not when it’s a newborn. Do you know someone who’s had children who can sit down and talk to her? Can you talk to your BIL? Post partum depression is always a possibility, but I don’t know enough to say.

[Shawna]

Newborns only cry for a reason, you need to point that out to SIL, somewhere a need is not being met if the baby is crying. Usually it is discomfort, hunger, or just need for cuddling. Sometimes they just need to be swaddled, teach her how to do this.

Remind her that baby is going through a huge change too, going from a warm dark soothing environment to one that is bright, loud and constantly changing, this is a huge adjustment for them both. She needs to call and talk to someone any time she is getting too stressed or considering doing something that is risky, like leaving the baby alone. Make sure she has the support she needs and everything will be fine.

As someone who has never had post partum depression though, I am not sure how much help I am. I think in this case it is just a matter of too many changes all at one time, lack of sleep and just general stress making SIL and BIL make poor decisions at this time. Tell them to hang in there, and I am sorry about their dog. Congrats on the beautiful baby girl, and to try to get some sleep. 🙂

Kyrin

[chrisherself]

Quote:

Here it is: it is lengthy, but it has references. If you could show her this paper and highlight the information relevant to her situation, then she might become a little wiser about leaving her baby alone and not feeding her baby in the middle of the night.
http://www.babyreference.com/Stressinfancy.htm

Great article! I actually read it to the end. I can’t believe that pediatrician! I’d still prefer to have someone give me a hug while I have MY blood drawn, and I’m 25. Needles are scary!

[siberakh1]

starbreeze wrote:

Another possibility is that a friend may be giving her the wrong advice. You never leave babies, or small childred alone in the house. Not even for a few minutes. When kids are older and they cry at bedtime because they want the parents to run back in the room, that’s the time to let them “cry it out”, not when it’s a newborn. Do you know someone who’s had children who can sit down and talk to her? Can you talk to your BIL? Post partum depression is always a possibility, but I don’t know enough to say.

Exactly. I know my mom would let us ‘cry it out’, but that wasn’t until we were older and not a newborn. Whenever it stopped being for a reason every time (like with a newborn) and started being more of a ‘come to my every beck and call the minute I start to make those little ‘eh eh eh’ sounds, whine, etc., which can differ a bit for each child. Sounds more like she may just ‘think’ it’s ok (“it’s only for a couple of minutes… what could possibly happen?’) when it isn’t ok for any small child. She needs someone to talk to her. If she is feeling overwhelmed (especially if she is a new mom), offer to help or see if friends/family who can are willing to assist, even if it’s to give her an hour here or there to have a breather, run errands, etc.

[lamortefille]

Not only is it irresponsible, she risks having her baby taken away from her.

http://www.lsnjlaw.org/english/family/dyfs/childabuse/section1/index.cfm#definition

The definition of abuse and neglect

The law says that a child has been abused or neglected if his or her parent, guardian, or caretaker has done any of the following things:

* Caused very serious physical or emotional harm to the child or allowed someone else to harm the child;
* Created a risk that the child will be physically harmed, or allowed someone else to create a risk of harm to the child;
* Sexually abused the child or allowed someone else to sexually abuse the child;
* Harmed or created a risk of harm to the child by failing to take proper care of him or her;
* Used excessive physical punishment on the child; or
* Abandoned the child.

A judge’s decision about whether a parent abused or neglected his or her child depends on the specific facts of each individual situation. Findings of child abuse and neglect are sometimes based on physical injuries to a child, but they can also be based on severe emotional harm. Even if you have not harmed your child, a judge might find that you have abused or neglected your child because the child may be at risk of serious harm in your care.

Judges can decide that drug or alcohol abuse by a parent constitutes neglect if the parent cannot provide proper care for the child. Judges have found child neglect when parents have failed to protect a child from someone they should have known would harm the child. Leaving children alone can also be considered child neglect.

Doing a quick Google search I came up with two articles where women had been arrested and the children taken into protective custody for leaving their babies and/or toddlers home alone. A “few minutes” could easily turn into a longer period of time if a tire went flat or she was involved in an accident. I think she needs all of the good advice and support you and your family can give her, asinnamon.

[Katherine]

lamortefille wrote:

Doing a quick Google search I came up with two articles where women had been arrested and the children taken into protective custody for leaving their babies and/or toddlers home alone. A “few minutes” could easily turn into a longer period of time if a tire went flat or she was involved in an accident. I think she needs all of the good advice and support you and your family can give her, asinnamon.

That is a VERY good point as well. We think that it won’t happen to us, and we don’t expect it, but sometimes it does happen. If that time turns into two hours-then the poor baby would be screaming her head off because she is hungry or if she had somehow fallen.

[Skigod377]

starbreeze wrote:

Another possibility is that a friend may be giving her the wrong advice. You never leave babies, or small childred alone in the house. Not even for a few minutes. When kids are older and they cry at bedtime because they want the parents to run back in the room, that’s the time to let them “cry it out”, not when it’s a newborn. Do you know someone who’s had children who can sit down and talk to her? Can you talk to your BIL? Post partum depression is always a possibility, but I don’t know enough to say.

I had post partum depression, but I am sure it affects everyone differently. I just didnt want to touch my baby and I cried a lot. It never led me to make a silly desicion like leaving the kid alone, but maybe she is affected differently, if she has it. It really is a lot like regular depression. Mental facilities still work… just cant control the emotions.

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