- This topic has 14 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 13 years, 4 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
So, I’m basically thinking of asking my boyfriend to marry me. We have been together for 10 1/2 years now, and living together for the past 2 1/2 years. We are happy together, but it has irked me that we really haven’t discussed marriage much. I am 28 and he is 29, and I feel things should progress further. I am thinking of asking the question around Thanksgiving time, when we are with his family. I know this may sound backwards to many people, as I’d assume most of the time men ask women the question. One of my grandmothers told me she asked my grandpa to marry her, and was kind of hinting that I should try the same. Does anyone here know of someone who has done this? I am naturally a nervous person who worries too much and I know I am over thinking all this. I can only imagine that my boyfriend, Jason btw, is going to be very shocked and slightly embarrassed with me asking him in front of his family. I was also thinking of getting him a silver ring. This almost seems fitting as I was the one who first asked him out years ago back in high school. So, any advice, stories, etc would be appreciated. Thank you so much.
~Heather (plus I am really tired of my last name lol)I would bring it up in conversation before that you are wanting things to progress. That way you can see how he reacts to the idea.
Basically bringing it up like “Wow we’ve been together so long we might as well be a married couple. What do you think about getting married?”
That way it gives him a chance to ask if he want to and opens a place for you to ask to :D.
Yes, I figure you are correct that the best method is to talk to him first. I guess I kind of liked the idea of something sudden and out in the open, but this certainly seems like a logical approach.
Yes, I figure you are correct that the best method is to talk to him first. I guess I kind of liked the idea of something sudden and out in the open, but this certainly seems like a logical approach.
Sometimes it’s safer emotionally to go with a subtle method especially if you are unsure of the response you will get. Also it can allow for a surprise on your side encase he was planning something or decides to be spontaneous :3
Is Jason an old fashioned type of guy? If so, he might be embarassed or upset that you proposed to him, instead of the other way around. I agree that dropping hints is the way to go in order to feel him out and see how he’d react to it. Here are some other hint dropping suggestions…
(this one I did to my BF)
I’m a sappy romantic and I would love to get married-I get those wedding magazines-my favorite is “The Knot” its like $11 but it only comes out quarterly I think and its big, thick, with lots of wedding party ideas. Well Ive been looking for a ring, just for fun. I found one that I just love-and I kept looking, and even after a year, it was my favorite. I cut the picture out of the magazine, included the page that listed where you can find jewlery by that designer, and sealed it in an envelope, wrote “Open when you are in a good mood” and slipped it in his nighstand. He didn’t say anything about it to me, but a few weeks later, I saw it wasn’t there anymore.Warp10 and I are celebrating 20 years together – we’re common law. Neither of us ever felt the need for a wedding. Just giving you another side.
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI asked my husband to marry me… and even if he is more traditional – try to keep the question popping low key (it was just me and him, lying in bed snuggling, nothing special – I just said “Hey, you wanna get married?” and that was it), it would reduce your nervousness and his awkwardness at being the ask-ee, rather then the ask-er. Also, it leaves things open if he doesn’t want to say yes at the time, rather then being pressured to in a fancy set-up.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Thanks for all the replies. I like the idea of subtly asking him. I wouldn’t say he is really traditionally minded, but asking him all of a sudden in public I think would embarrass him. I have been playing out in my mind what his reaction might be, and it is kind of fun to think about. I will continue to think this through and let you know if I am brave enough to do something 🙂 Maybe I need to put a slice of wedding cake in his briefcase, but that might be too messy…
This is in response to dragonMedley: There are some practical sides to being married. I watch The View TV program and Joy Behar got married this past summer to the guy she has been with for 30+ years after stating numerous that it would NEVER happen. What changed her mind was a lesbian couple she knew that when one of them was hospitalized and died, that her partner was not allowed to visit her or have any input into her treatment including Do Not Resusitate and also not allowed any input into the funeral service. I lived with my husband for almost 10 years before we got married. 14 months after the wedding, he died. If we had not legally married, I would have not been able to prevent his ex-wife from taking over everything, or his parents which was about the same in awfulness. The will would not have made any difference, it doesn’t get read until much later, often insurance income is delayed or denied. Aside from the feelings about marriage, the legal ramifications need to be considered. Also, relationships are living things and if they don’t grow, they often die. This can happen both in and out of formal marriages, but are more likely to happen in less formal arrangements. I’m just saying….
This is in response to dragonMedley: There are some practical sides to being married. I watch The View TV program and Joy Behar got married this past summer to the guy she has been with for 30+ years after stating numerous that it would NEVER happen. What changed her mind was a lesbian couple she knew that when one of them was hospitalized and died, that her partner was not allowed to visit her or have any input into her treatment including Do Not Resusitate and also not allowed any input into the funeral service. I lived with my husband for almost 10 years before we got married. 14 months after the wedding, he died. If we had not legally married, I would have not been able to prevent his ex-wife from taking over everything, or his parents which was about the same in awfulness. The will would not have made any difference, it doesn’t get read until much later, often insurance income is delayed or denied. Aside from the feelings about marriage, the legal ramifications need to be considered. Also, relationships are living things and if they don’t grow, they often die. This can happen both in and out of formal marriages, but are more likely to happen in less formal arrangements. I’m just saying….
I think things are different in Canada. We’re declared common law everywhere – taxes, insurance, house, everything. If we were to divorce, it would be just like for a married couple. The house is under both our names, so if anything were to happen, no one else can try getting a piece. I have to say, no ex anywhere, so that’s something we don’t have to worry about!
Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmIf you have declared yourself as common-law on all applicable documents, then it is as if you were married (more or less), in Canada. Wasn’t aware that it wasn’t the same in the states. Kinda forces your hand, doesn’t it?
I’m in the States and I have looked up common law marriage laws. It seems to differ state to state, but here in Illinois it doesn’t seem it is easy to declare yourself common-law and even if you are I don’t think you have all the rights of a married couple… I guess they really want you ‘married’ to get the legal rights.
Well, you could do what my brother did with his girlfriend and ask while he’s on the toilet…. that was unexpected time to ask and they were alone! HAHAHA!
Whatever you do, good luck!
Got a busted Windstone?
drag0nfeathersdesign@gmail.com
*OPEN for repairs**SEEKING GRAILS*
Arc-en-ciel Emperor
Siphlophis Male Dragon
Calypso Hatching Empress
Ivory Moss Sitting Baby Kirin
Tattoo Mother Kirin
Emerald Tabby Male Griffin
Tie Dye + Orion Hatching Royalty
Indigo Rockfish + Flame Tabby Little Rock Dragons
Dragon Quail + Obsidian Frost Old Warriors
Betta Sun Dragon + Male Dragon
Dreamscape, Orion, Poison Dart, Fireberry, Spangler + Tigerberry DragonsHaha, that is hilarious Drag0nfeathers, thanks for making me smile
Yes, I believe the exact words were “Honey, you stink, but I love you! Will you marry me?”
Got a busted Windstone?
drag0nfeathersdesign@gmail.com
*OPEN for repairs**SEEKING GRAILS*
Arc-en-ciel Emperor
Siphlophis Male Dragon
Calypso Hatching Empress
Ivory Moss Sitting Baby Kirin
Tattoo Mother Kirin
Emerald Tabby Male Griffin
Tie Dye + Orion Hatching Royalty
Indigo Rockfish + Flame Tabby Little Rock Dragons
Dragon Quail + Obsidian Frost Old Warriors
Betta Sun Dragon + Male Dragon
Dreamscape, Orion, Poison Dart, Fireberry, Spangler + Tigerberry Dragons
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
