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Natalie is still acting out. She has been since Calvin’s death on 12/24. She has reverted back to a 3 year old’s behavior and I am fed up, frustrated and at a loss. I do not know what to do. Jim doesn’t want to get another cat and says that Natalie needs to learn to deal with it. My opinion is that she is 5 years old, and not a mature 5 either. I think she is acting out because a huge part of her life is missing. Now it’s been almost a month, and she is still acting this way 🙄 My MIL suggested getting Natalie a guinea pig, but I don’t think she is ready for that kind of pet yet and I have never had one, so they are out of my comfort range, not too mention the dogs would think it was a fun squeeky toy.
I told Jim to ask a few of his doctors(he is a pharma rep) and see what they say.
Check the Internet (I googled “When a child loses a pet” and got a bunch of results) or the library/bookstore. Your little girl isn’t the first one to go through this; there’s tons of professional advice out there.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI had to go through this when my son was 6. I don’t know what made him think he could get away with his behaviour but we basically told him we loved him, we didn’t love his actions. We told him it wasn’t OK to hurt someone because he felt like it. Every time he acted out he had to make it right. Colored on walls…. Clean it off. Dump out all the Costco size spices on the kitchen floor while dad was asleep on the couch… Learn how to use a vacuum.
Some stuff was just time out stuff, but for the most part let him know it’s not OK to disrespect us. He is the most generous soul and such a good boy now. Not saying he doesn’t have his moments, but he’s just a good person. Crossing my fingers he stays this way!asinnamon wrote:Jim doesn’t want to get another cat and says that Natalie needs to learn to deal with it.
Does SHE want another pet? Of course another pet can’t just replace the one she lost, but if she does want one, and it’s that she’s missing having that companionship, then not getting her one could feel like you’re punishing her for grieving over the lost pet. Which I know is not what you or your husband intend, but that might be how she’s feeling. Discipline for bad behavior is necessary, certainly, but you can’t punish a kid for feelings, only for actions, and denying her a pet if she wants another one is going to make her feel as though you are punishing her for missing her cat. Of course maybe she doesn’t want another pet, I don’t know. Do you?
In either case though, it’s still a pretty fresh wound. You say “its been almost a month” as though that is a long time, but getting over loss can take months and months, especially if she was close to the cat, so it may be a while before she can “deal with it.” Loss isn’t something you just “get over” even as a child. Maybe especially as a child. Don’t let her get away with actual back talk and disobedience, but don’t come down on her too hard just for being immature and emotional.
Just my $0.02, feel free to ignore if it doesn’t sound right. I don’t have kids of my own, but I’m the oldest of 5, I know a little about ’em. 🙂
You see, this is why I ask these questions. It never occured to me that she may actually feel we are punishing her for Calvin death! Yes, she does want another cat. It’s not like she is asking every five minutes, but if you ask her, she says yes.
We don’t let her get away with her misbehavior, but sometimes it gets to the point where she will not go to her room on her own, I have to physically carry her there. Hopefully she will get it soon and start acting better.
I’d get her another cat. I know when I lost my cat Squeeky I was seriously depressed. And I was 18. A dog is not the same as a cat, and she might need to emotional support only a cat can give. Particularly if she’s cat person and not a dog person.
But you may well be onto something. If she’s gotten it into her head that’s she’s somehow responsible for your cat’s death this might be the only way she thinks she can fix it. I know I had that half baked notion running around in the back of mind, and I’m old enough to know better :shrug: But when emotions and loss are involved they don’t often make rational sense.
Do what you think is best, you know your child better than anyone. Just be sure she knows you love her, parents forget that kids don’t always know.
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Sun Dragon Koi #3Personally I think you should get her another cat. :yes: Not only did she lose her cat and companion, but she lost her friend. 😥 Not only that, but if she thinks she was responsible somehow for the death, she could be thinking you’re punishing her by not letting her have another. deep down I think she knows she didn’t do it and so the acting out might be her way of rebelling against the no more cats punishment. 😕
I agree, I know your husband isn’t too keen on the idea of a new cat for his own personal reasons. However, for the emotional well being of your child, I think he is going to have to rethink his “no cats” stand. I think you should seriously consider finding a nice young male kitty to adopt into your home.
I suggest a male because in my experience if you want a cuddle cat, it is usually a male cat that will cuddle. All of my cuddly cats are males, all my stand offish cats are female, so as a rule I tend to actively adopt male cats over females. (All of my female cats all just kinda showed up, versus being adopted, whereas my males were with one exception adopted.)
Anyway, I think your daughter would be happier if you would get her a new kitty to love. As close as she was to Calvin, I think she is really missing the companionship they shared. I remember when he passed away, you had been concerned because she appeared not to care. What did I say then, I said she would, just give her time to realize he was really gone. Now that she knows he isn’t coming back, she is missing him and acting out as an expression of her grief and loss. I am not saying a new kitty is a cure all, but it will probably help quite a bit, and it would help all of you heal since once having had a cat in your lives, can you really see never having one again? I couldn’t.
Kyrin
I don’t know about getting another cat this soon. Do you think she’d learn pets are just replaceable? I have no idea, just thinking.
I dunno, thats why I asked. It’s a tough decision, but she really was much happier when she had a kitty to play with…I just wish I could get Jim on board with getting one for her…
I don’t think she’ll get the idea pets are replaceable because the new kitty will not be Calvin. He/She will act different and be a different cat, but it will help fill the void left by Calvin. She knows Calvin isn’t coming back, but that doesn’t mean that another kitty couldn’t fill the void and this is one of life’s toughest lessons. We lose those we love and while they are gone we can find others who will walk with us for a while.
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