- This topic has 50 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 15 years, 3 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
I don’t have the experience yet to truely go into this. Our first anniversery is coming up at the end of August. Though my husband and I have known each other for about 10-11 years. We were friends who slipped into dating about 2-3 years ago or so. He is very patient with me. 😳 He has liked me since he first saw me. (he still remembers exactly what I was wearing) We met when I was back in high school. In the end it came down to who I could imagine spending the rest of my life with. Didn’t make him any less nervous when he asked me though. lol. We have had our ups and downs. Communication seems to be very important during and prior to marriage. We are still learning things about each other to this day. But we are in it for the long haul. 🙂
While hiding somewhere in my head I'm on the lookout for white oriental dragons! Please let me know if you know of any available. Thank you!
Interesting topic!
I met my husband George back in 1981 when I started working in the same plant. He was selling off some music equipment to downsize after his divorce, and I bought a guitar from him. Then in 1984, I started having trouble with the guitar breaking strings, so I asked him one night at work if he had someone he took his guitars to for repair/service, and would he take the Aria to be looked at? So he took the guitar, and about a week or so later, he brought it back into work and laid the case on a table. I looked at him and asked was it fixed?, and he very solemnly made the sign of the cross over the case. 😮 It turned out the neck was warped, and while it could be fixed, it would’ve been more than the guitar was worth. I freaked, because I *loved* that guitar–it wasn’t a really good one, but it played well and had gone from ME to FL with me on various vacations. So then he says “I took the liberty of looking at some new guitars for you. I found one I think you’ll like, but it’s in a store down by where I live, so if you want to see it, I can take you down there after work.” I started laughing, because the whole thing just came out so corny I couldn’t help myself. 😀 But I accepted his offer, and looked at the guitar, liked it and bought it. About a month later, we heard an ad on the radio for a musician we both liked, advertising a performance at a local club. George asked me if I wanted to go, and he had already checked my schedule and saw that I was off. I accepted, and we made a dinner date out of it. We started dating seriously, and finally took an apartment together for a while. Then in Feb. of 1985, I sent him out for groceries. He disappeared off the face of the planet for like 3 hours! I was having a total cow. (pre-cell phone era…. 😀 ) He finally returned with the groceries, and I started unpacking them, only to find a small box at the bottom of one of the bags. In it was my engagement ring. 🙂
We got married in May of 1986–my first marriage; his second. I was 25, he was 33. We’ve been together ever since. Has it all been wine and roses? Hardly…(more like WHINE and Cheeze…) he’s an alcoholic who’s been in and out of recovery. But I knew that when I met him, and married him anyway. 😉 I have some serious temper issues, and HE knew THAT when he married me. 😈 He already had a son from his first marriage, and he didn’t want any more kids, which was totally fine by me.As far as dreams were concerned, I wouldn’t have ever been able to go after my dream, which is breeding Arabian horses without George. He’s been pretty supportive of that over the years. I support and participate in his dream–playing in the different bands.
There are days where I would cheerfully strangle him, and toss his body to the crows, like today! And I’m sure there are days where he feels the same.
We’ve been through a LOT of stuff in the 23 years we’ve been married, both good and bad. But truth is, I would be totally lost without George. I can’t, and don’t WANT to–imagine life without him. I knew from our first date that he was the guy I was going to marry. I couldn’t tell you why; it was just a gut feeling.You asked for “happily married” replies, but I’m kind of the other side.
I’m 27 (ack!), and I realized back when I was in college (uh, the first time) that I probably don’t want to get married, ever. Whenever I pictured my future, I was picturing *my* future, not mine-and-someone’s future. I discovered that I love living alone — I can stay up late without worrying that my noise or lights are disturbing anyone, I can take showers at 3 AM, I can eat anything without worrying it’s an ingredient for tomorrow’s dinner.
Do I wish, when coming home at 9:30 p.m., that someone would have already cooked me dinner and have it waiting? Sure. Do I wish sometimes that someone was there to fetch me ice packs when my shoulders or back ache? Absolutely. But overall, I’ll take having *my* *own* space over having someone “looking after” me, and I notice that I’m not particularly inclined toward looking after other people: I have very little patience for sick or upset people. 🙂 I also worry a bit about getting old; what if I can’t drive myself to doctor appointments, or I get lonely? But the same things happen to married people; there’s no guarantee that my husband would be in better mind or health than I am, and as for company, well, men tend to die earlier than women!
I am, in short, “happily single,” though I dislike the word ‘single’ — it always seems to imply ‘and looking,’ which I’m not. All around me, my friends are pairing off; I feel very strange, sometimes, being solitary in the midst of all this couple-ness, but I really can’t picture myself joining the crowd. Trying to picture me with someone else as a permanent part of my life brings up in my mind words like, “underfoot,” and “negotiate” and “stuck” — I couldn’t do many of the things I want to do, like travel or have friends visit or let fandomers have crash space during conventions or (probably) have ten dogs and five snakes…
In fact, I recently posted a “strictly platonic” ad on Craigslist trying to find some geeky friends to hang out with. Friends fulfill, for me the role that most people look to a partner for; they are my human interaction and my emotional ties. It’s a bit hard not to feel betrayed or “demoted” when they marry, but on the other hand I have more of them; plus, surely at least a couple will remain single, too? And they’ll always have someone to go to when they’re having relationship problems, someone who will give them tea and cookies and say ‘there, there’ while nodding patiently as they exhort her to never fall in love. 🙂 (For some reason they always say this! Hello, you are my friends and I love you dearly, but have you somehow *not noticed* the irony?)
I am, however, thinking of buying a cheap ring for my left hand and manufacturing an out-of-state fiance for the purpose of avoiding skeevy guys; because apparently “single” = “available,” and I really, really hate how “are you single” is code for “can I begin hitting on you?” An imaginary man in another state seems like the perfect “relationship” for me! 🙂 Though I always tell people that my only long-term relationship is my computer. (It’s funny because it’s true!) 🙂
Interested in buying or trading for: GB Pebble Sitting Red Fox in dark grey, Lap Dragon Test Paints (Water Sprite, Glacial Pearl, Opulence, Pastel Rainbow, and many others - see my Classifieds ad), Blue Morpho OW, GB Pebble Loaf dragons in blue/aqua/teal, and Griffin Test Paints (Black Rainbow or Frosted Jade).
Nightcrow, sometimes that strategy backfires with the “wedding ring” on the left hand. Some people relish the challenge of going after someone else’s spouse; they look at it as a game of conquest.
skigod377 wrote:As for your friends and all… most marriages end in divorce, over half. Statistically, the younger you marry, the more likely you are to get divorced. Before everyone who is 21 and married to their soul mate gets all irate, I am just stating statistics… YOU may be perfectly happy and stay together forever, but the MAJORITY of you will not.
Hey, Ski, where’d you find those statistics?
This subject comes up a lot in discussions with a friend of mine, and I’d love to have some hard data to back up my points… *grins* Thanks!
(Also, if I’m wrong I want to know so I don’t embarrass myself — I thought the divorce rate was actually at-or-slighly-below half, not over. Like 48-50%. I don’t want to arguing a wrong position!) 🙂
Interested in buying or trading for: GB Pebble Sitting Red Fox in dark grey, Lap Dragon Test Paints (Water Sprite, Glacial Pearl, Opulence, Pastel Rainbow, and many others - see my Classifieds ad), Blue Morpho OW, GB Pebble Loaf dragons in blue/aqua/teal, and Griffin Test Paints (Black Rainbow or Frosted Jade).
purpledragonclaw wrote:The last statistic I heard was 64% of marriages end in divorce. That was over a year ago.
A good reason never to get married. 😆 Divorce is expensive and emotionally trying. My parents did it..it sucked 😮 😀
Looking for Blue Fawn Baby Kirin
Sanguine Oriental Test Paints, kinglet
Sun Dragon Koi #3Love is grand!
Divorce is twenty grand!
Adraenyse wrote:Divorce is twenty grand!
😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
Looking for Blue Fawn Baby Kirin
Sanguine Oriental Test Paints, kinglet
Sun Dragon Koi #3nightcrow wrote:skigod377 wrote:As for your friends and all… most marriages end in divorce, over half. Statistically, the younger you marry, the more likely you are to get divorced. Before everyone who is 21 and married to their soul mate gets all irate, I am just stating statistics… YOU may be perfectly happy and stay together forever, but the MAJORITY of you will not.
Hey, Ski, where’d you find those statistics?
This subject comes up a lot in discussions with a friend of mine, and I’d love to have some hard data to back up my points… *grins* Thanks!
(Also, if I’m wrong I want to know so I don’t embarrass myself — I thought the divorce rate was actually at-or-slighly-below half, not over. Like 48-50%. I don’t want to arguing a wrong position!) 🙂
I was spouting off what I always heard… guess I should have checked my facts first, and speaking from a military perspective where the divorce rate seems much higher than normal. That may or may not be true, but when all the troopies around me are talking about divorce and I see a couple getting married, already PLANNING on divorcing after the deployment, my view may be flawed. The links I found depended on whether it was a 1st or 2nd marriage, but I googled it: http://www.divorcerate.org/ So perhaps not 50%, more like 47% for divorce rates. 😳
skigod377 wrote:That may or may not be true, but when all the troopies around me are talking about divorce and I see a couple getting married, already PLANNING on divorcing after the deployment, my view may be flawed.
What on earth is that point of that?
Greater Basilisk wrote:skigod377 wrote:That may or may not be true, but when all the troopies around me are talking about divorce and I see a couple getting married, already PLANNING on divorcing after the deployment, my view may be flawed.
What on earth is that point of that?
Extra money known as Separation Pay.I don’t think a divorce would fix that. A smart lawyer would see that as entitlement pay that was earned during the course of the marriage and would fight for the split as well.
Depends who is the bigger breadwinner I guess.
moonbeam wrote:As it was the first relationship for the both of us we were extremely unsure wether the other really liked us as more than a friend, although he kept sending me unmistakable signs and I interpreted them to bits, wondering if he really meant what I hoped he meant or if it meant something else…
Oh my gosh–don’t you LOVE that about starting a relationship? The awkwardness of falling for someone is so wonderful. 😳 That is the cutest story Moonbeam! I got kind of mad reading about all the people who were insisting you weren’t going to make it.
Jennifer wrote:WindstoneCollector wrote:While all the stories here are quite interesting, it is like an AA meeting…”Take what you want and leave the rest”. (But, also if you are not physically attracted to him, that is also a red flag)
I just wanted to mention that everyone has their own mileage. Some marriages are never ‘active’ in the bedroom, and they can be just as happy, loving, and soul-bonding as those that are 🙂
Wow. Personally, I’ve almost never been the one who instigates things in the bedroom, to the point where I wonder what’s ‘wrong’ with me for not wanting to be physical. I mean, it’s been a long time since I was with anyone and I’m totally fine with that. Not to mention, some of the guys I have dated have been downright flabbergasted that I don’t want sex EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY AND NIGHT. (Shocking, right?) To me, there’s more to a relationship, lots more. It comes back to where I live though, I think. A young town where people want to have fun for the most part. I truly wonder sometimes if there’s something wrong with my libido (I do know that I have low testosterone which can cause that), or if I’ve simply been conditioned to hate sex by the handful of lazy, selfish, ignorant young men I’ve been with. I’m 26 and I’m kind of still waiting to find out what exactly is SO GREAT about sex, and sadly it’s not for a lack of giving it the ol’ college try.
This reminds me of something that’s been disturbing and distressing me for a while. My generation is the first one who grew up with the Internet in their homes, my generation is the first generation that could have “erotic content”, for free, in their home, any time one wanted it. And I see a very, VERY disturbing attitude toward sex, female attractiveness, love, relationships, and what’s expected in the bedroom in the guys my age and younger. The things they want/expect their partner to do. The things they say and think. What turns them on. What doesn’t (which is the scary part). What they think is acceptable treatment. I was changing clothes one day with a new boyfriend in the room, and heard some clicking noises. I turned around, and my guy was taking photos of me undressing without my knowledge or consent. What makes him think that’s in any way respectful or acceptable? When I got angry at him, because I felt violated, he really couldn’t understand why I was mad. THAT’S what scares me the most–I see behavior like this, disrespectful behavior that makes me feel like a sexual object, ALL the time, and the guilty don’t even UNDERSTAND why it’s unacceptable, because they’ve been saturated in this misogynistic, Playboy attitude from their very first sexual awakening.
All that said, is it any wonder I’d find physicality a waste of time for the most part? There’s no point going to a dry well for water. Has anyone else noticed this unsettling pr0n attitude in younger men? Gen-Y and Gen-Z. Or is it just from growing up in California? It’s so damaging, to be surrounded by this subtle atmosphere and attitude that you’re NOTHING, if you don’t revolve your life around being sexually attractive and available for anyone who wants you.
Sorry if it’s a little raw for the board.
(Edit: Apparently “joke photography” is subbed in for a certain other word.)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
