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If anyone can solve this problem, it you guys on the forum 🙂 This has been bugging me for a while, but I finally feel like I have to do something about it.
I have this friend. She is one of my best friends, and comes over to my place a lot. And when she is here, she inevitably messes with my Windstones. She picks them up and looks at them, turns them over, holds them while pacing around my room discussing her latest personal crisis. And this in itself wouldn’t be a problem, if she didn’t ALWAYS set them down roughly, or turned around to face the back of my shelf, or in a completely different place than where she picked them up from. She even takes the smaller sculpts down out of the box shelves on my wall, and puts them back with the tag hanging down out of the box. That is an open invitation for a cat to pull something down by the tag!
I also have several large rocks and crystals scattered around the shelevs for “visual enhancement” that she insists upon placing in the curls of the dragons tails, no matter how many times I ask her not to. One is particularly rough (a prism with large breaks and cracks) and the last time she wedged it in the curve of my peacock scratcher’s tail it left several fleabites in the paint 🙁 I pointed them out to her the next time she visited and she wanted to know what the big deal was about some “microscopic scratch.”
As I said, I have asked her time and again not to do these things. She agrees, then promptly forgets, blaming her ADD. By mentioning it over and over I feel like a nag, and the last time I brought it up she got angry and said I was “hung up” over the “stupid statues” and treating her like a five-year-old. I don’t want this to become a big problem, nor do I want to obsess over the Windstones, but what she is continuously doing really bothers me!! I paid good money for those “stupid statues”, most of them have high sentimental value, and I can’t just sit there and let them get damaged through sheer carelessness.
High dollar amounts and seemingly worthless luxury items such as Windstones are touchy topics for her, so thus far I have tried to avoid using the cost factor as an argument, but it seems like I may have to play that card after all. I know that right now she’s looking at this like I’m the spoiled kid who cries for no reason when someone else touches her “toys,” but this can’t go on.
Buying a curio or even a proper closed display case (which I would dearly love to do) is also out, as my room is very small and crowded as it is. Lately I have been reduced to trying to keep her out of my room altogether when we hang out, but I then feel like a bad hostess. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can tactfully but successfully handle this???
*pant pant* Sorry for the long post, but I do feel better for sharing with people who probably understand how much this means to me! Thanks for listening, guys 😉
I would not allow her back in your room at all. When you meet jsut make sure it’s somewhere else. Friends that treat you like that and NEVER listen can be replaced but some SPECIAL Windstones will NEVER be replaced
I hate to say it, but if you’re tried explaining to her that these are important to you, (even if she finds them unimportant) and that you love them and don’t want them handled, there isn’t much else you can do. I have a few friends with ADD, and while they occasionally will lose threads of conversation, they don’t forget that they shouldn’t roughly handle something that is not theirs.
If she cannot respect your things, and stop handling them, you have to take the step and not invite her over. Meet her at her place, or outside somewhere — she obviously doesn’t care to make the effort to respect you or your things, and yet another talk or “nag” (and I don’t think of it as a nag– you PAID for these, and want to keep them nice!) will not matter to her.
If she notices that she is not coming over as often, and gets angry, you can give her excuse back at her– since her ADD keeps her from respecting your stuff, you are helping by not having your stuff around.
Hey there
Yeah that’s rough…I would suggest maybe putting a sign on each shelf that states “PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH” and see if that helps, the only other suggestion that i have is not to let her go into your room anymore ( wort cast senario), you can always try to hang out in a different room in your house or somewhere else.
I dunno anyay that’s what I would do…I get like that too with my friends.
I think she should respect what you ask of her tho especially in your home.
Anyway I hope this helps. 🙂Marzena
Since your friend got angry the last time you brought up this problem with her, it seems that her ADD isn’t the only reason that she keeps touching your Windstones even though you’ve repeatedly told her not to. As your guest, she should respect your wishes while visiting you.
I think keeping her out of your room while you hang out is the best solution, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all. If your friend doesn’t object to this, just leave it at that. If she does, you should just tell her frankly that its important to you that people not touch your Windstones, and that since her ADD prevents her from remembering your wishes, you’d prefer not to hang out in your room. If she really is your friend, then she shouldn’t have any problem with that.
I would meet somewhere else. To go into someone’s home and touch their things is completely disrespectful. I think she has bigger issues than her ADD.
All very sound advice. If your friend can’t respect your wishes then you need to take steps to keep your belongings safe. Hanging out in another part of the house or somewhere else entirely should do the trick. If she is upset by that then let her know that once she is able to respect your wishes, personal space, belongings, etc. and you are satisfied that she will, then maybe you can start hanging out in your room again. Using her ADD as an excuse is just a way for her to do what she wants and have no consequences for her actions. It’s also passive aggressive but the results are the same, she still behaves the way she wants to. You shouldn’t have to tell anybody how much you paid for anything. It’s none of their business. They should respect your space because you are friends, not because something was expensive. Hope this helps. Good Luck!
twindragonsmum
tdm
Everybody else has said it well, and I agree. If she is really your friend, she should respect your wishes and not touch your things when you’ve asked her not to. It doesn’t matter that they cost a lot, or even that they mean a lot to you. She shouldn’t touch them because you’ve asked her not to. If she can’t respect that one simple request, then she doesn’t respect you. You may want to tell her that. It may wake her up a bit.
I personally would tell them to leave if they are not respectfull of my property. These are investments and each time she damages them, they lose value. I would tell her that unless she plans to pay to replace them she needs to keep her hands off. I have ADD and i am very protective of my collectables… no excuse!
I agree with what everyone else is saying in that you shouldn’t let her in your room anymore. If you’ve told her numerous times not to handle them… and she keeps doing it anyway… I don’t think it’s ADD. She just doesn’t respect your wishes. Those are your things, and they are very important to you. She needs to leave them alone! And her questioning why you pointed out a scratch on one of YOUR dragons to her, THAT SHE CAUSED with a rock… is just complete lack of respect IMO.
I know exactly how you feel about this kinda thing. I am the same way with my collectibles. I have stuff situated a certain way. And I know when something has been moved by someone else. I am very protective of my statues.
If she can’t respect your wishes, and then gets snippy on top of that for bringing it up… she is not a very good friend. Just my opinion!
You can also try if you have not already that these are collectibles and MUST be in MINT condition and even a Scratch will de value it. OR even ask her to pay you each time she touches one to pay for the rapairs that they might have to go thru
She’s using her ADD as an excuse for being rude and disrespectful, and it’s not right. My brother has ADHD and was really bad when younger, but still knew right from wrong & left important things alone.
Since you’ve asked and explained several times, I’d keep her from your room at all times from now on. If you want to extend it to the rest of the house, it’s up to you (though may be easier to keep her from running to your room when you’re not paying attention!). If she asks why (for either decision), I’d tell her that since she can’t respect you or your [expensive] collection, you don’t want her to damage another since she can’t follow your rules.
Are there any other good places nearby to hang out? Her room? A park? A mall? It might be less abrasive to start the relocation by saying you’re bored with being in your room all the time.
What everybody said. Out of your room. Meet at her place, in the basement, for coffee…
If she’s so fascinated by them, maybe you could give her a smaller Windstone that she can handle and scratch and chip all for herself. 😀
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