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As always, Kyrin’s advice is on the money. Brides get a lot snarky when they’re planning weddings. But this seems very selfish to me. I just got married in October, and my MOH was in California, and my bridesmaid was in NJ, I live in NY. I was grateful that they were there for me at all, granted they both missed my bridal shower and I didn’t have (and didn’t want) a bachelorette party. I know that typically the MOH has alot of responsiblities, and maybe she didn’t realize that you would be unable to do some of them, what with the new baby, and all. Still, it would be better to actually talk to her, either in person or on the phone, so that you can both voice concerns and try and compromise, which can come off wierd in email, especially without inflections, like in speech. I mean, if you were to type “I’m sorry that I can’t do it that way, but my family comes first” can come off kinda bitchy in written form, even if that’s not how you mean it at all. As for the date of her bachelorette party, is there a specific reason she just can’t change it or is this a case of raging “it’s my day!!!” Bridezilla? And as for the whole dress thing…..Are you kidding? that’s ridiculous. I would think that she would rather the dress look great on you, then have it sitting in a closet tailored to a pregnant figure that isn’t your body shape anymore. The only feasable thing I can think of is, if she ordered from David’s Bridal or something like that, I know they won’t ship the other dresses untill all the maids are ordered. Something to do with dye lot, etc.. But still, October is a long way away. I was a very diffrent bride, I let my girls basically do whatever they wanted. Perhaps you can suggest stepping down as MOH, but still being a bridesmaid, which would allow you to bow out of the “mandatory” activities, and still keep your friendship. Remember, being in someone’s wedding should mean that you are friends, and important to eachother, not that you are her taffeta-wearing slave. And as for the smokers house, she should know better, and understand that you won’t risk that for your family. Just my 2 cents.
The last couple of times we where over the smokers house we asked them not to smoke around my husband. Instead they would come over to us with the cigarette in a cupped hand like we couldn’t see it. They chain smoke so the house is always full of smoke and even if they have it outside they still smoke there as well. I’m just not going to risk having my husband or baby around that. I was trying to look into a hall to have the bridal shower at but it seems she is even planning that herself because she told me it would be at the smokers house. As for the dress thing, the tailor told her that I could be fitted for the dress while pregnant and they could make alterations later. When she told me that I refused to go until after I had the baby. I told her I didn’t have the money that I’m sure would be needed to make such alterations. When I wrote her I told her now I could go get the dress but she says she hasn’t picked out a dress for me. She has told me of two different dresses she liked and had her mind set on one of them but it looks like she has changed her mind again. She always told me she didn’t want a big wedding and even made fun of people who wigged out and had big weddings. Low and behold she is now doing what she said she wouldn’t do. I’m starting to wonder if she is acting the way she is because of the baby. Ever since I had her they don’t really talk to us or come over anymore. So I’m starting to think that may be a reason for everything going south like it has. They where supposed to come over this weekend but I don’t think they will now. I’ve asked them to give me a time because I have to meet someone to sell some of my car parts but they still haven’t told me when they plan to come over. I’m going to lose money now because I can’t give anyone a time on when to meet.
If you feel that strongly about not going over to a smokers house, then dont go. If just stopping by is out of the question, even if you dont go inside, then I think maybe you are being a little unbending. You are having the same type of problems with your babys’ grandparents and the garage, right? If your problem with dust and smoke is that well know, and they still insist on having events in places that you cannot go, then just dont go. To me it would mean that the convineince to her and other guests outweigh the wants/needs/presence of the one. Expecting the bride to schedule her event around your issues is not fair to her. Bridezilla or not.
I don’t expect her to schedule around me but if she choses to have events at places she knows I can’t go then I don’t expect her to get upset about it. I will not expose my husband or child to smoke, she knows this and should be ok with me not being there. I think her expecting me to be there is unreasonable. I never told her to change where she is having her events I just told her that I will not be able to attend. If she feels so strongly that I need to be there then she shouldn’t have arranged to have them at a location I couldn’t be at.
Sorry. I didnt know she was pressuring you to be there so much. If she wont talk to you in person, just shoot her an email telling her why you cant be there. Maybe she will understand and change her plans. You can still be part of the wedding without going to the party, right? 🙂
skigod377 wrote:If you feel that strongly about not going over to a smokers house, then dont go. If just stopping by is out of the question, even if you dont go inside, then I think maybe you are being a little unbending. You are having the same type of problems with your babys’ grandparents and the garage, right? If your problem with dust and smoke is that well know, and they still insist on having events in places that you cannot go, then just dont go. To me it would mean that the convineince to her and other guests outweigh the wants/needs/presence of the one. Expecting the bride to schedule her event around your issues is not fair to her. Bridezilla or not.
Outside isnt even a choice more than half of them smoke and none of them have consideration for those who decide not to dirty their lungs with that junk, they will puff right in your face. They believe its their right to smoke where ever they please they have even said its their constituional right … thats funny cause your rights are in the bill of rights and no where does it give you the right to smoke , i have read the whole thing before .The whole thing is that she knows that I myself cannot be near smokers , as a transplant patient i have a 1 in 7 chance to develope cancer as it is because of the imunosupressents and it sky rockets to 45% being around people that want to smoke. They knew this going in and yet are trying to give me and my wife a guilt trip over the places they just recently choose , if it were so important to them to have us in the wedding in such a vital role then they needed to have some consideration , i mean you wouldnt expect a parapalegic to climb a flight of stairs then get pissed if they tell you they cant.It really bugs the heck out of me with people expecting me to throw my health aside for them , acting as if im over stating my health issues and if that is what they think so be it they can all follow a herd of lemming off a cliff
Necron99 wrote:skigod377 wrote:If you feel that strongly about not going over to a smokers house, then dont go. If just stopping by is out of the question, even if you dont go inside, then I think maybe you are being a little unbending. You are having the same type of problems with your babys’ grandparents and the garage, right? If your problem with dust and smoke is that well know, and they still insist on having events in places that you cannot go, then just dont go. To me it would mean that the convineince to her and other guests outweigh the wants/needs/presence of the one. Expecting the bride to schedule her event around your issues is not fair to her. Bridezilla or not.
Outside isnt even a choice more than half of them smoke and none of them have consideration for those who decide not to dirty their lungs with that junk, they will puff right in your face. They believe its their right to smoke where ever they please they have even said its their constituional right … thats funny cause your rights are in the bill of rights and no where does it give you the right to smoke , i have read the whole thing before .The whole thing is that she knows that I myself cannot be near smokers , as a transplant patient i have a 1 in 7 chance to develope cancer as it is because of the imunosupressents and it sky rockets to 45% being around people that want to smoke. They knew this going in and yet are trying to give me and my wife a guilt trip over the places they just recently choose , if it were so important to them to have us in the wedding in such a vital role then they needed to have some consideration , i mean you wouldnt expect a parapalegic to climb a flight of stairs then get pissed if they tell you they cant.It really bugs the heck out of me with people expecting me to throw my health aside for them , acting as if im over stating my health issues and if that is what they think so be it they can all follow a herd of lemming off a cliffI did not mean them to have an outside party. What I meant was for you guys to stop by, say hello while still outside, wish them well and drop off a gift or whatever, and leave. Not for you guys to be outside around second hand smoke. As for what you said about consideration, yes. If they cant accomidate you guys, then your presence must not be that important to them. Purple didnt make it sound that way, though. The bride cant have her cake and eat it too but she needs to be told that. Wheather its thru email or face to face. If she wants to communicate thru email, then email her. Tell her the same thing that gets posted here.
Necron99 wrote:Outside isnt even a choice more than half of them smoke and none of them have consideration for those who decide not to dirty their lungs with that junk, they will puff right in your face. They believe its their right to smoke where ever they please they have even said its their constituional right … thats funny cause your rights are in the bill of rights and no where does it give you the right to smoke , i have read the whole thing before .The whole thing is that she knows that I myself cannot be near smokers , as a transplant patient i have a 1 in 7 chance to develope cancer as it is because of the imunosupressents and it sky rockets to 45% being around people that want to smoke. They knew this going in and yet are trying to give me and my wife a guilt trip over the places they just recently choose , if it were so important to them to have us in the wedding in such a vital role then they needed to have some consideration , i mean you wouldnt expect a parapalegic to climb a flight of stairs then get pissed if they tell you they cant.It really bugs the heck out of me with people expecting me to throw my health aside for them , acting as if im over stating my health issues and if that is what they think so be it they can all follow a herd of lemming off a cliff
Hey man, welcome!
And you know what, personally, I wouldn’t want friends like that. I’m reading this and thinking all the while about the relationship I have with my friends… nope, nothing like that ever came up. I guess I’m the type who just can’t be bothered with people who think they can walk all over me. ’cause this is what they’re doing.
It’s always unfortunate to find out that people who you thought cared don’t really care about you at all…
but then again, it’s easy for me to say, as I’m not in the midst of things!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmdragonmedley wrote:Necron99 wrote:Outside isnt even a choice more than half of them smoke and none of them have consideration for those who decide not to dirty their lungs with that junk, they will puff right in your face. They believe its their right to smoke where ever they please they have even said its their constituional right … thats funny cause your rights are in the bill of rights and no where does it give you the right to smoke , i have read the whole thing before .The whole thing is that she knows that I myself cannot be near smokers , as a transplant patient i have a 1 in 7 chance to develope cancer as it is because of the imunosupressents and it sky rockets to 45% being around people that want to smoke. They knew this going in and yet are trying to give me and my wife a guilt trip over the places they just recently choose , if it were so important to them to have us in the wedding in such a vital role then they needed to have some consideration , i mean you wouldnt expect a parapalegic to climb a flight of stairs then get pissed if they tell you they cant.It really bugs the heck out of me with people expecting me to throw my health aside for them , acting as if im over stating my health issues and if that is what they think so be it they can all follow a herd of lemming off a cliff
Hey man, welcome!
And you know what, personally, I wouldn’t want friends like that. I’m reading this and thinking all the while about the relationship I have with my friends… nope, nothing like that ever came up. I guess I’m the type who just can’t be bothered with people who think they can walk all over me. ’cause this is what they’re doing.
It’s always unfortunate to find out that people who you thought cared don’t really care about you at all…
but then again, it’s easy for me to say, as I’m not in the midst of things!Ditto. They dont even sound like friends to me.
the problem with the stopping by outside is that the event is taking place in the grooms yard. There will be around 50 people there puffing away and like i said they have no consideration for anyone and will blow the smoke in your face . The last time i was there before my surgery and not breathing well the grooms mother decided to hide a lit cigg in her hand and the smoke waffed me right in the face setting off an oh so pleasent fit in my lungs which i gagged and threw up from the constant hacking . The only thing thing that was said to me was oops i didnt know that was there 😡
Necron99 wrote:the problem with the stopping by outside is that the event is taking place in the grooms yard. There will be around 50 people there puffing away and like i said they have no consideration for anyone and will blow the smoke in your face . The last time i was there before my surgery and not breathing well the grooms mother decided to hide a lit cigg in her hand and the smoke waffed me right in the face setting off an oh so pleasent fit in my lungs which i gagged and threw up from the constant hacking . The only thing thing that was said to me was oops i didnt know that was there 😡
They sound truly inconsiderate. I would avoid them. If she still wants both of you in the wedding, then go for it, but attending the parties w/people like that is not a prerequisite.
dragonmedley wrote:Necron99 wrote:Outside isnt even a choice more than half of them smoke and none of them have consideration for those who decide not to dirty their lungs with that junk, they will puff right in your face. They believe its their right to smoke where ever they please they have even said its their constituional right … thats funny cause your rights are in the bill of rights and no where does it give you the right to smoke , i have read the whole thing before .The whole thing is that she knows that I myself cannot be near smokers , as a transplant patient i have a 1 in 7 chance to develope cancer as it is because of the imunosupressents and it sky rockets to 45% being around people that want to smoke. They knew this going in and yet are trying to give me and my wife a guilt trip over the places they just recently choose , if it were so important to them to have us in the wedding in such a vital role then they needed to have some consideration , i mean you wouldnt expect a parapalegic to climb a flight of stairs then get pissed if they tell you they cant.It really bugs the heck out of me with people expecting me to throw my health aside for them , acting as if im over stating my health issues and if that is what they think so be it they can all follow a herd of lemming off a cliff
Hey man, welcome!
And you know what, personally, I wouldn’t want friends like that. I’m reading this and thinking all the while about the relationship I have with my friends… nope, nothing like that ever came up. I guess I’m the type who just can’t be bothered with people who think they can walk all over me. ’cause this is what they’re doing.
It’s always unfortunate to find out that people who you thought cared don’t really care about you at all…
but then again, it’s easy for me to say, as I’m not in the midst of things!
Thanks for the welcomeyeah its really sad i have been friends with him for over 16 years. After he met his girlfriend he statred changing , but not untill my surgery and the arvial of Alyssa has it gotten this bad as if the baby and my new lungs are a burden to them… hehe i can walk faster than them on one of my bad days, and heck they cant even run , but we wont go to resturants and eat for 3 hours with a baby and that is one of thier favorite hobbies .They have found new friends to hang with and have made up crazy excuses why they dont come around any more , i think they are jelious of the baby and need to replace us with people who dont have kids since im doubtful they can have any. Like Purple said they even bugged out of the reenacting that i have spent countless hours and thousands of dollars on , now i have no events that will invite me to attend their events , and it doesnt matter to them they say oh well things happen; so i have had to join some one elses group just to do anything this summer. I built this group around thier needs and low and behold they screw me , and i did have other options that i no longer can use thanks to them
I don’t want this to turn into a bash the bride and groom thread. I’m just trying to figure out how to handle all this without hurting feelings. Oh and necron99 is my husband. He was banned from his sci-fi board so now he’s started posting here. I guess I have to watch out when I post about new windstones incase he reads my threads lol.
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