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Keplilly wrote:
Much love and hugs Snap.
I don’t really have any advice to give other then we are here if you need us.
A meeting of the windstone fanatics… 😯 …kinda scary…
With all of us? Probably kinda scary yes!
But we are all bold on the internet!!!!*smothers snap with a pillow* uhhh, I mean… ah… *smothers snap with love* Better, right?
lamortefille wrote:*smothers Snap* Oh wait, that’s not what you meant. 😉 😆
I guess it’s open to interpretation. 😳
Snap,
My $.02, take at face value.
You need to take a serious look at what you have now, not past regrets. Considering that you have your own home, a partner that loves and supports you emotionally and a good job, you are doing very well. But, it is possible to lose all or some of it through neglect, and if you lose Tami because you get caught up in your ex’s drama, I personally will find a way to get to where you are and kick your much deserving butt!
Get a beautiful ring for Tami and get down on one knee and ask her for her hand in marriage. After 8 years, I think it is time for a permanent alliance, you love her, she loves you, you own property together, and whether you realize it or not, in your heart you know she’s the one. So marry her. I think going through this final step in committing to her will help you to let go of the ex as well.
It is time to put the past behind you. That’s why it is called the past. We all have regrets about things we have done. I’ve done things to partners in the past that make me really cringe to think about, but we all learn from those mistakes. But you can’t go back in time and fix them, and future attempts will just end up in heartbreak, yours and others. So let it go, live your life in the now.
Time to put destructive behavior aside, you know the consequences of interacting with the ex, and I think the cost will be far higher than you ever want to pay. You know it, or you wouldn’t be asking us for advice. *hugs* I know it’s hard.
I think of my ex’s all the time and wonder how they are, what their lives are like, did they get a happy ending? But even with the ones I know didn’t, I don’t take personal responsiblility for it. I am not them, I did not make their choices, and it isn’t my fault things turned out for them the way it did. You need to remember that, whatever happened or happens to your ex are results of her decisions and choices, you aren’t responsible for them.
There is no reason to feel guilty about what happens to her, she has her own life to live and you have to let her live it. Live your own!
*hugs*
Kyrin
Kyrin wrote:Get a beautiful ring for Tami and get down on one knee and ask her for her hand in marriage. After 8 years, I think it is time for a permanent alliance, you love her, she loves you, you own property together, and whether you realize it or not, in your heart you know she’s the one. So marry her. I think going through this final step in committing to her will help you to let go of the ex as well.
Well. Either this, or decide if you want commitment or not. If your heart is free and wandering, be fair to you both and don’t draw things out. If you get married only to regret it soon after, it’s a messy and heartbreaking thing. Not that it is any less heartbreaking before marriage, but the step into marriage is sort of the final commitment.
You are at an important stage in your life where you have to decide where your heart is taking you. Sounds cheesy but there’s no other way of putting it. I don’t know the whole story- and of course I don’t, I’m not there and in your shoes, but it sounds like she is dedicated to you and is there to stay. You need to decide if you can return that long term or not.
I’ll tell you something… I married my best friend. We still act like idiots and shoot spitballs at each other. Other than a ring on my finger and a little sheet of paper that makes my taxes more complicated, nothing has changed, and it’s really great.
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My art: featherdust.comI agree with Jennifer. Take a little bit of time, maybe a small vacay away from everyone and everything for a couple of days, and just think about what you want. If you come back thinking Tami’s the one, then get her a beautiful ring and propose. From what you say, I’m sure she’d like nothing better. If you decide she isn’t, then don’t draw it out more then you have, it would be heartbreaking. For both of you. That and you probably need a little vacay anyway. I’m sure the forum won’t die if you leave it for 2 days.
Gee you guys forget fast, I proposed last August remember?
Riiiiiiiiiiiiight… you even called her your fiancee didn’t you?
*headdesk*
I have a bit of an excuse I wasn’t here last August! Even though you told me as much in conversations…
Snapdragon wrote:Gee you guys forget fast, I proposed last August remember?
My comment was in regards to actually getting hitched 😉 Being engaged is nice and all but isn’t quite the same as being legally bound. 😉
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My art: featherdust.comYeah…I married my best friend too…although I fell head over heels in love with him at age 12…and never changed my mind. 😆 We’re a couple of doofballs, and I wouldnt have it any other way. 😀
Marraige is a wonderful blessing…but it can also be a misery if the two involved arent ready. Take it at the pace your comfortable with, if you’re ready to marry, go for it! If you’re hesitating…evaluate why. If it’s just nerves…still go for it..nerves dont go away. 😆 However…if it’s serious doubts that you want to be together til you die..then wait. 🙂 Marraige is an ultimate commitment til death….Get Tami’s thoughts on it, and let her help make the decision with you. Your post has alot of hard things in there, alot of which Tami went through too…or is dealing with in other ways. What does she want?
Necron99 wrote:This reads like somthing even Socrates would have a hard time figuring out . Im no greek philosipher but here is my opinion:
It seems as though the Ex girlfirend has taken alot from you with out you asking for anything in return , but Tami gave you of herself especially when she blew off her own birthday and fiends to be with you that night that you needed her. Your ex seems like quite the charsamatic manipulator , and seemed to use your kindness, and her delemas as a tool against you since she eventually went the route of coming by just to have you do things for her.
As far as the baby i think you can help out with out having to really communicate on a face to face lvl. Maybe put money on a stone/plaque and have the remaing invoice sent to her from the company , im sure Tami would see that as compasionate to the child and not nesicerily your ex. I really dont think talking to her is a good idea since you have conflicting feelings , it may just send you back off that deep end ..that and you may send the wrong message to Tami ..like they say cant have your cake and Edith too
Snap…in so many ways, I agree with Necron. You’ve made it obvious Tami is the one you want…the ex has just given you heartbreak and trouble. With her still involved, Tami will always have some fear, of what may happen. That doesnt mean you shouldnt marry Tami, just that you should cherish the trust she has in you, and help her build more. 🙂
Screw the ex.
Well.. not literally, that’ll get me more in trouble.
I’m not going to pursue this any farther.
Got a move to finish and a wedding to plan.
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