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So two years ago my dad bought me an airbrush and compressor for a present. He told me he wanted me to practice with it so I could try and make a living with it. I’ve been practicing with ceramics in the hopes of getting good enough to sell some of them. Well my mother decided she wants to use the airbrush and has been hounding me to give it to her. Now she is the kind of person that will not read the directions and will end up breaking it. She wants to use automotive paint in it and hasn’t taken any time to learn about it. She has gone from telling me that she wants to paint t-shirts to someone teaching her how to do automotive paint work. All of this is a lie and every time I tell her I’m using it she comes up with something new. She emails me every day demanding I bring it over then rambles on about how she NEEDS to come over my house and replace my fence, clean my house, and fix up the babies room. I’ve had it up to here with her constant nagging. I’m trying to get some rest after the horrible week I had last week but she calles me three times or more a day and emails me at least twice demanding this and that. I haven’t answered the phone all weekend because I don’t feel like talking to her and hearing her tell me what I need to be doing. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her. If I ignore her long enough she sets my dad on me because she knows I will not ignore me dad. When I tell dad why I don’t want to talk to her he says he knows how she is but she is my mother and I need to do what she says. What in the world can I do about this? I’m at my wits end and ready to pull all my hair out.
Well I’m probably too young to be answering this but from your description things are on the edge of getting out of control and ties being severed for a long time. The best thing I can think of is for you to get a neutral party (not your father) and meet with your mother with this third party and express all your frustrations. This might sound like an impossible thing to do but it really just takes some effort. The key is finding a neutral party a friend of your’s and your mothers, maybe an aunt or uncle even. If you just keep ignoring her she will probably stop with the excessive nagging but she may also try to punish you in some way, its a gamble that could end in bad blood between you and your mother for a long time. I’m so sorry that you ended up in this situation. Things have a way of getting better eventually.
I would help but I am just to tired to get out of bed today~
Engaged to a WeaselShe sounds like such a PIA. I’m not sure I’m in any place to give you advice, though I suppose if it were me I’d tell her flatout that if she wants an airbrush, she should buy one. End of subject. Though I don’t know if she’ll take no for an answer.
This is a tough one.
You are married and not a child anymore and not living under their roof, so first thing I’d like to say is, no, your father is wrong. You do not have to do what your mother says. You are an adult and have the right to say no. If she wants an airbrush to learn on, she should get a cheap one to practice with (or more expensive one if she is really serious about learning). Gut feeling says I wouldn’t trust giving it to her. Haven’t met her, don’t know her, but something doesn’t feel right about it. All sorts of radar going off. Not to be the suspicious type, but I would keep it out of sight when she visits (ok, I am the suspicious type).
I agree with BiPolar Bear on getting some third party to meet to try and hammer stuff out. The only thing is, unless she is willing to talk, it either won’t happen or won’t do any good. Ignoring her probably won’t make her go away. She’ll just keep nagging you and, if nagging doesn’t work, she will just move to something else or get other people in on it. This is causing you emotional and mental distress, which is something you should not have to deal with on top of what is going on in your life right now. My mom isn’t as bad, but she is very clingy and a bit controlling and would cry if I didn’t call and talk to her EVERY DAY when I got to college (among other things). It took some major arguments while I was at college (we still blow up on occassion, though far less frequently), but it was needed (I’m pretty independent and was feeling quite smothered). This has to be your decision though.
Good luck in whatever you chose. *HUGS* We are here for you.
tell her no in a firm voice, a strong one, tell her why you say no and tell her the consequences that will happen if she does not respect your choice. This could be something simple like not talking to her on the phone, blocking her from your email.
Make sure your voice is strong enough to have a good shock vallue when you tell her and say it ONLY once. you do not have to repeat it, just say,” what did I just say.” if she tries beating around the bush.she is your mom and she deserves respect, so make sure your voice tone is only for emphasis on saying no and then has a calm tone after that when discussion happens. It really makes the point clear that way.
I would say don’t bring another person into it because this is between you are your mom for one, and two, even though this is REALLY anoiying…it is something simple and I would try other methods first. you can easily be in controle of the situation by letting her know that you will not put up with this nagging and then taking simple actions if she keeps at it.
If she wants to learn how to use an airbrush, that’s fine, but there’s absolutely no reason she has to have yours. This sounds like a combination between her grabbing for an easy answer (there’s a brush, it’s free, I want it) and possibly a way of putting pressure on your life. She wants to be involved in your life; again, I can respect the desire, but NOT the way she’s going about it.
You are an adult. If you choose to do something in accordance with your mother’s wishes, it should only be by your choice and not because she’s your mom. It sounds like she is not seeing you as an adult. This is wrong. She may be having a hard time accepting that you are an adult, but that won’t change the fact that you are one.
That said, I recognize that family is capable of pushing all of one’s buttons. They can put the pressure on you like nobody else in the world. It makes it really hard for one to take a stand and say “This is what I want and I’m going to enforce it.” It even makes it hard for one to decide what it is that one wants. I can really sympathize with what you’re going through. Hang in there. 🙁
But it sounds like you already have made a decision regarding the airbrush. Good–now stick to your guns! Don’t bother showing anger or hurt when you talk to her about it: that just gives her the advantage. She wants this to become an emotional dispute. Don’t give her that. Just make your decision clear to her, and repeat it, repeat it, repeat it. Be the broken record. Nothing she can say will change the broken record. Eventually she will have to give up, although she’ll undoubtedly fight you, and may fight dirty. (Her recruiting Dad is really fighting dirty. Shame on her.)
Obviously, this is causing you a lot of pain, and you are quite rightly angry about it. Your anger is fully justified. But being that angry hurts. You don’t need that kind of stress in your life right now. So–there is a WONDERFUL book out there that you may find extremely helpful. It’s called “The Dance of Anger” and it’s by Harriet Lerner. It sure helped me. It explains things in plain language and talks about how anger is not a bad thing when it can be turned to good use. Anger can be turned into motivation to change the thing that’s making one angry–taking a negative emotion and turning it into a positive outcome. And although the book can hit a little close to home, it’s a really worthwhile read. It lets one take a hold of that anger and direct it into something constructive. There’s a lot of energy in anger–enough to make some pretty major changes for the better in one’s life.
Good luck!
I’m sorry to hear that your mom’s being a pain.
Your Dad is wrong. You do not have to do what she says. You are an adult, not a five year old anymore.
If mom wants an airbrush to practice with, tell her firmly that she neeeds to get one of her own. Yours is yours and is (potentially) a source of income for you. I don’t think she has the right (no one does) to demand that you give her your airbrush. She can request, but you have the right to say no.
A thrid party is helpful if things do not get resolved, just make sure (which is very hard) that mom doesnèt feel that everyone is, against, her.
Speaking from personal experiance, sometimes clingy mothers get more clingy when there has been a major life change for thier offspring. You have to be firm, but donèt get nasty or they feel they are vindicated in butting in in your life.
I hope you can work things out!
Tell her that no matter what, you will not be giving it to her. And why not buy her a cheap-o one to get her off your back? Your mom sounds like a spoiled kid 😆 Oh, and hide it when she comes over. Hide it well because mothers can find everything.
What everyone said! You have great advice here.
We ended up moving a 6-hour drive from my in-laws to get some peace (and jobs too – killed 2 birds with one stone).
My family is not like that at all, so I have a hard time understanding someone like your mom. Sure, I may disagree with what people are doing with their lives, I may criticize, rant, rave, whatever, but not to them. Unless they ask for advice, I’m never going to go up to them and interfere. It’s their lives, I have no right to dictate anything. Getting to that airbrush does sound just like a poor excuse to meddle.
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmMy mother is a bit pushy at times too, enough that it effects our relationship (like now). She pouts, she uses guilt, she nags, whatever she thinks will help, and she thinks she is either doing it all for me or I’m the only problem, so I say this from experience. The only way to handle her is put your foot down, politely and respectfully, but hard! And I mean put a hole in the floor if necessary! And keep it there, don’t waffle – that will just encourage her to push more! The only times I don’t have problems with my mom is when I firmly tell her ‘no’ at the start. If I waffle, she doesn’t back off even after I add a firm no. Kids are a place you need to take charge of from the beginning! Don’t let her override you on the baby! I didn’t and boy am I glad. Now I say ‘no’ and that’s it, no arguments. I’m sorry to say it will never be easy though. My mom and I are closer than I think you and your mom, we can talk and things do get better for a while, but so far it always goes back to the old way of things. I keep hoping.
And you need to put you foot down with your Dad too. He shouldn’t be enabling her to manipulate you through him. Tell him that you deserves respect and you have a right to your own life and that your mom is giving/allowing you neither. Part of being a parent is knowing when to let go, and some parents have a really hard time figuring that out. Maybe your dad will understand this and quit helping your mom.
oh ugh, purple doggy. i feel for you in the position your mom has put you in. no mother should treat her child this way.
i think others have said very sage advice, so i am not going to add to it.
i just want to send warm fuzzies your way.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom being a brat.
Well, treat her like the child she acting like and tell her “NO!” You are a grown woman and although parents have a way of wearing us down to get their way, you shouldn’t have to deal with it. Would you give in to a child who was having a hissy fit for 3 hours?! Probably not, but your mother is just doing this for a much longer time, but you’re better than her. Tell her that the answer is ‘no’ and that there will be no further discussion on it. If you dad gets into it, tell him politely that he needs to stay out of it (since it’s between you and your mother) and that she already has her answer. If she wants an airbrush that much he can either buy her one or she buy herself one, but yours is being used.
Girl, this is your life and people like that you need to tell where the line is! (Frankly, if I were you I would consider her already there. You’ve got too much to attend to without your mother acting like a spoiled little brat!)
Good luck and keep us informed.
Well I’m not sure if I won this war or not. Its been ongoing for over a year. My mom will nag about the airbrush for a month then leave it alone for alittle while before starting up again. I sent her an email telling her its mine, I’m using it, and I’m not giving it to her. She sent me one back saying she NEEDS to use it too and I need to bring it over. Then about an hour later she sent me another email saying she was just going to get her own airbrush?! So at first I was all happy because I thought I had won but I think she is just saying that in the hopes that I will go “oh no don’t do that here use mine” type of thing. I had to stop by her house after work yesterday and she didn’t say anything about it to me but she did have company over and I don’t think she wanted to start and argument infront of them. We will see if I get another email today demanding the airbrush. Lol, stupid airbrush!
Good for you! Put your foot down and keep it there. She can buy her own airbrush. They’re not that expensive for a beginning one. Gah! I hate it when parents act like babies.
My ex-mother-in-law used to stomp her feet and go in her room and slam the door if I disagreed with her in the least tiny bit (we lived with her). And my ex-husband would always side with her. I’m so glad I have grown-ups in my life now. At least with in-laws, I could ignore them when I got divorced. It’s hard to ignore your own parent.
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