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Now…usually, I consider dreams to be a very private thing…but this one has an overlying meaning which I feel is worth sharing. It’s a recurring dreams I’ve had many times, and those who know me at all know I came from a heavily abusive background, which this dream pertains to.
I’m on my knees, looking up at a enormous tree, whose girth is so wide it encompasses my entire field of vision. I know, somewhere inside…that somehow this tree is child abuse, symbolic of it. Far above, you can faintly see fruits that glow with a soft light. They glow a faintly bluish shade of white, though some are tinted with red. Children’s faces press against the near transparent skins of these fruits, they are trapped within, some clawing desperately to get out, leaving bloody streaks on the inside of their small prisons. Some children are small, barely embryonic….while others are older…and though you can see their mouths screaming, no sound escapes. The tree is adorned with nothing else…no leaves…no birds…just these fruit. It’s bark is such a dark and rough textured brown it nearly seems black in the softly burning glow from the fruits.
At the base of this tree…fruits have fallen to the ground, finally free of the tree. Some are crushed and bloody, broken and dead…they failed to survive. Small hands, dead faces, all naked , bare and broken…litter the ground, staining the earth a sickly red. Others…the children…nearly adults now, have escaped, only to stay at the base of the tree, and they sink down to be slowly devoured by the roots. I ask one why he stays, and he answers, “I was raised here, in this way…and it is good enough.” I pull at his arm, tugging…trying to force him to stand and come with me, but he slaps my arm away in anger. You can see others, thin and forlorn, trying to claw their way out, but I see none making it.
I stand, bracing myself with one hand against the lower tree trunk, and when I pull my hand away, I’ve left a handprint at it’s base. I look to my hand, slightly puzzled…to see it slicked in blood. At my feet I see the fruit I came from, ugly and shriveling.
I look farther out, and the tree is actually at the center of a beautiful park. People pass by, walking dogs, pushing strollers, holding the hands of children born outside of this tree. Some look, but quickly avert their eyes, unable to see for long. Some whisper to each other, but I hear anyway…”…not my responsibility..not my problem…not my kid…” and I hate them. They look, they see…and yet they pass by and do nothing. They take care of their own, their inner circle…their own kids…and feel they’ve done enough….Allowing this poisonous tree to grow in their midst. Some step over the grasping hands of children trying to claw their way out, trying not to be touched.
And then I wake up. And the image stays. This is how child abuse is. Learn from it, and to those that this reaches…make a difference where you can, to someone outside your inner circle of people. Everyone has an inner circle of people that makes up their friends and family, it’s easy to care for these. Reach out. To someone outside that circle…and make a difference.
T Dawn Maddox 2009
That is really deep. I am so sorry you were abused. I don’t know anybody or heard of anybody who is abused but I don’t think I could live with myself if I let it happen and I know about it. Thank you for sharing your dream.
I’ve come a long way past it, and have a good family and life now. It’s just I think more people should want to make a difference, instead of caring just for themselves and those closest to them. So, maybe by sharing this someone will reach out, and it’ll all be worth it. *shrugs* or…I may just be having a sappy moment, they are known to happen at times, lol. 😀
I think you should render this in a series of drawings, Dawn. They would be extremely impactful and maybe, just maybe, you might be able to get them out there, where everyone who can make a difference can see it.
Just so you know, now, everytime I hear about child abuse, I think of you and what you’ve said and described, the consequences of people speaking out to your parent rather than the proper authorities and I try to pass the message.
Big hugs!
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http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmI have a sketch in my sketchbook, but it’s super rough…and I’d thought about doing some more art, (perhaps in color) based off this dream. If I can ever find the right words, I’d like to write something someday explaining how I have no regrets..and that even though my childhood was a form of hell, I wouldnt change it now as an adult. It helped make me a stronger person, and I wouldnt be who I am now, with a compassion and understanding for others if it werent for what I went through.
My oldest kid (semi-adopted), Sara, is dealing with a worse upbringing than I had…and we’re really lucky to have her as part of our family. We’re wanting to adopt her when she turns 18, to cut off the last of her ties from those that have hurt her. She lives with us off and on, we’re what she calls her “safe-haven” home. Her social worker is corrupt, and she was abused just as badly when she was a ward of the state as she is now by her own parents. When we move, and she’s close enough to age that they’ll write her off, we’ll simply move, and take her with us. In the meantime, I’m just grateful that what I went through gives me a better insight into helping her survive a bad situation. So…all bad things have the potential to be used for good, it’s just a matter of how you look at it.
Very insightful. I don’t think I had it as rough as you did, my parents just went through a very messy divorce. However, I have used that experience to help others who felt as isolated and alone the way I did. However, I usually use it help abused animals not people. I still have big time trust issues with those of my own species. But I know many people who continue to let their personal trageties ruin/rule their entire lives. That makes me sad.
I think a piece of art and the story to go with it could have a huge impact. This is a wonderful/powerful image, I hope you find a way to se it to help others.
Thank you for sharing thisLooking for Blue Fawn Baby Kirin
Sanguine Oriental Test Paints, kinglet
Sun Dragon Koi #3My husband’s “adopted” sister was abused by her parents and in nearly every foster home she was placed in. My in-laws basically “took” her from the last home she was in and raised her as their own. It made a world of difference for her… Thanks for sharing, Dawn, I hope this helps make a difference for someone else.
twindragonsmum
tdm
yeah, I know about the trust issues….I dont actually socialize very much with people “in person”. It’s a hard thing when I do, as I hate crowds and being around people I’m unfamiliar with. Online it’s easier though. 🙂 Koishii mentioned maybe drawing this image too, so there might be a couple artz out of it in the end, you never know. She’s a ton better with 2D art than me, I work more comfortably with clay! 😛
Or the two of you could work on it together. If you have a rough sketch and need help with some of the finer points maybe you two could collaborate. I like clay, but my things always look blocky and like a 5 year old did them 😆 . But that’s okay, because I simply enjoying just playing with the clay…
I like needlework, drawing, and writing as well, but somehow all my time gets eaten up dogs. Literally, I work so they can eat XD . And then I get home to be scolded by the Husky Queen. I just can’t win…of course I really wouldn’t have it any other way.
Looking for Blue Fawn Baby Kirin
Sanguine Oriental Test Paints, kinglet
Sun Dragon Koi #3no, it’s not really a concept I think I could sculpt, it would be hard to get the mood and things right, not to mention making the fruits glow is more of a 2D friendly project. I dont think it would translate well to clay. *shrugs* I may take a shot at it in 2D someday…and let Koishii do her own rendition of it, but I have a hard time with collaboration projects. I’m still working on learning more with using digital art mediums…so you never know! I might very well do a bit of work with my sketch. 🙂
purplecat wrote:no, it’s not really a concept I think I could sculpt, it would be hard to get the mood and things right, not to mention making the fruits glow is more of a 2D friendly project. I dont think it would translate well to clay.
Sure it would – LEDs or fiber optics.
Dawn, your description of your dream is truly moving. I shared it with 2 of my clients who come from abused childhoods and it opened up some powerful places in their therapy, so I want to thank you for that. One of them wants to share it with her abused brother who was abused even more severely than she was hoping that he will have the courage to seek therapy. You write impressively well. The other client is an artist who could “see” your images and was very moved by them. It seems that your dream brings out the artist in quite a few people!
I also want to say that your tree is in the middle of a beautiful park that you can’t see when you are too close to the tree, but when you are able to step back from it, you can see that there is more to the world than the tree, there is light and other people living their “normal” lives and the possibilities of living in a world that has love and laughter and choices that you can’t see when you are still under the tree with all the pain and horror and helplessness. Even if the people out there in the park were ignoring/denying the tree, the park still exists with whatever we choose to make of it for ourselves and they aren’t the only people in the park, there are many who see the tree and do their best to help, and it’s hard to find those people while you are still clinging to the tree and believing that “I was raised here, in this way…and it is good enough.” And you can’t see that until you can move away from the tree.
I’ve treated a lot of people for childhood abuse and I remember one client said she didn’t know that she “was only seeing in black and white, and now (she) was seeing everything in color” with this wonder in her voice and on her face. An amazing moment.
I am really glad that you are moving away from your tree and finding your park. You have a lot of talent that even though I haven’t seen your artwork, your writing is really beautiful and you certainly have a talent for imagery!! I am grateful that you shared this dream with us, and I will definitely use it to help make a difference in my clients’ lives and the ones they touch. Thank you!Thank you! and you’re very welcome to print this out and pass it on to those whom it might help! Eventually there might be art to go with it, but for now I’m happy it’s being read. Just be sure to leave my name attached to it, just in case I ever should go about getting it published. The image is one I know will be hard on many people to read, but there are so many others out there in situations similar to mine, who dont think there’s a better way, or dont have a hope of getting out. And even if you do get out, it never totally goes away, your past is a part of who you are…and the best some can do is reach some level of personal peace and balance in their lives. 🙂
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