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Today Natalie(who just turned 5) started talking about missing Calvin. This really is the first time she has actually talked about him since he passed last Wednesday. Can a 5 year old, and an immature one at that, hide thier grief? Or should I just take her at face value?
We talked about how much she misses him and how much he loved her. She calls him her ‘big boss’, I guess she had a game she would play with him.
For the last few days she has been clingy and whiny saying that she doesn’t have anyone to play with and all I can think of is that Calvin was the one she would normally be with. It’s heartbreaking to me. Jim and I breifly talked about it tonight and we may just go ahead and get a kitten. I know he is againt it, but what do you do when your teary 5 year old says she misses her best freind 😥
I think this is your daughter’s way of opening up and exposing her grief to you. I know your husband doesn’t want to go through it again, but I think a kitten is a good idea, especially if your daughter picks one out. A new fur friend will help her move on from Calvin, I think.
It sometimes takes a few days for the loss of a pet to kick in. I know when Sugar died, Alex was seemingly accepting, helped with her burial, etc. Then a few days later wanted to know where she was and when it hit him she was really gone, he cried then.
Karli doesn’t understand death at all yet, but she expressed sorrow when our ferret died, but you could tell she didn’t really get it.
Hang in there, get a kitten who is bomb proof, I would loan you Mooch, but I am afraid Karli would fight Natalie for him, he’s definately HER kitty. But I tell you, Mooch puts up with so much and never bites or scratches unless we’re wrestling. Karli carries him everywhere and he just tolerates it.
You guys need a Mooch kitty…hope you can find one, I highly recommend a male cat, they tend to have better personalities compared to the female cats, who tend to be a bit more shy and flighty. Just my opinion.
Kyrin
I suspect that Calvin’s loss is starting to sink in for Natalie; at her age it can take a little while. She’s sad, but it’s good that she’s willing to talk about him with you. She needs to be able to come to terms with death and what it means. That’s a heavy subject when you’re just turned five years old, but it sounds as if she’s managing OK.
I might wait a little while before getting a kitten. Natalie needs some time to come to grips with Calvin’s loss, but more importantly it would be bad for her to think that a new cat would simply take Calvin’s place. Yes, she would love to have a cat to play with, but she should have a chance to grieve Calvin first. Kids are funny, and I’ve seen a child become deeply upset over a new puppy because “he’s Sunny’s replacement, and if I die, they’re going to get another puppy.” The poor little guy was really resentful of the puppy. He didn’t want his friend Sunny to be so easily replaced, and he definitely hadn’t gotten enough time to grieve her (it had been less than two weeks). It was rather awkward.
Im going thru this right now. Justin was just crying a bit and said he wants to forget the sadness. Were gonna go see a movie this weekend and I am gonna let him help me find old photos so we can remember the happy times. 🙁 Big hugs to you.
Maybe something on here will be helpful?
http://www.aplb.org/services/children.html#2
or here…
http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/death_of_a_pet.htm
They suggest letting younger kids draw pictures to express their loss. I know my son drew pictures of the pets he lost when he was younger…he even drew his hermit crab with angel wings.
I would postpone getting a new kitten right away, but I would def. get one in the future. I agree that Natalie should help pick it out.
I would rather have my heart hurt at the loss of a pet, than give up the years of joy it brought me.
Thanks for the links! It never occured to me that she could wonder about her own place in the family or feel like we were trying to replace Calvin. Maybe next weekend or the weekend after for a new kittie, we will see how she does. I think she is doing ok, and if I didn’t know her I would think she didn’t understand. But I think she does, and I think she is dealing with it by wanting constant attention and activities w/ someone. She usually is an independant child.
Thanks everyone for the suggestions! This is the first time losing a pet w/ kids, so I appreciate heaing from the those w/ experience.
Ski – I was wondering how justin was doing. *hugs*
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