Jokes and email sharing

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Viewing 15 posts - 901 through 915 (of 939 total)
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  • #600682
    LuvsDragons
    Participant

      These are great. THanks for posting!! 😆

      #600683
      Jasmine
      Participant

        CURTAIN RODS—-PRICELESS
        She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

        On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things..

        On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

        When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

        She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

        They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

        Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!

        People stopped coming over to visit.. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

        Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

        Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

        Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

        The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house.

        Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

        A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home……….

        And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods.
        I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?

        #600684

        *evil laugh* 😆

        #600685
        Copper83
        Participant

          That is priceless! XD

          #600686
          Laurie
          Participant

            khat sent me this and I sent it to a bunch of you. For those who didn’t get this for some reason “I pray you enough” Bravo Marji. 😉

            Recently,

            I overheard a mother and
            daughter

            in their last moments together

            at

            the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the

            security

            gate,

            they hugged, and the mother said,

            ‘I

            love you, and I pray you enough.’

            The

            daughter replied, ‘Mom, our life

            together

            has been more than enough.

            Your

            love is all I ever needed. I pray

            you

            enough, too, Mom.’

            They kissed, and the daughter

            left.

            The

            mother walked over to the window

            where

            I was seated. Standing there, I

            could

            see she wanted and needed to cry.

            I

            tried not to intrude on her privacy,

            but

            she

            welcomed me in by asking, ‘Did you

            ever

            say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?’

            Yes, I have,’

            I replied. ‘Forgive me for

            asking,

            but why is this a forever

            good-bye?’

            ‘Well…I’m

            not as young as I once was,

            she

            lives so far away & has her own busy life. I have some challenges

            ahead, and

            the

            reality is – her next trip back will be

            for

            my funeral,’ she said.

            ‘When you were saying good-bye, I heard you

            say, ‘I pray you enough.’ May I ask what that means?’

            She began to

            smile. ‘That’s a prayer that

            has

            been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say

            it

            to

            everyone.’ She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in

            detail, and she smiled even more. ‘When

            we

            said, ‘I pray you enough,’ we wanted

            the

            other person to have a life filled with

            just

            enough good things to sustain them.’

            Then,

            turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from

            memory.

            I

            pray you enough sun to keep your

            attitude

            bright no matter how gray the

            day

            may appear.

            I

            pray you enough rain to appreciate the

            sun

            even more.

            I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive

            and everlasting.

            I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest

            of joys in life may appear bigger.

            I pray you enough gain to

            satisfy your wanting.

            I pray you enough loss to appreciate

            all

            that

            you possess.

            I pray you enough hellos to get

            you

            through

            the final good-bye.

            Then, she began to cry, and walked

            away.

            They say, it takes a minute to find

            a

            special

            person, an hour to appreciate them,

            a

            day to love them, but an entire life to forget

            them.

            TAKE

            TIME TO LIVE……

            To all my friends and loved

            ones,
            I

            PRAY YOU ENOUGH…….

            #600687

            Thanks 🙂

            #600688
            Anonymous

              What’s brown and sticky?

              A stick.

              #600689
              Rachel
              Participant

                Adraenyse wrote:

                What’s brown and sticky?

                A stick.
                ….
                ….
                ….
                that’s terrible.

                #600690

                Adraenyse wrote:

                What’s brown and sticky?

                A tootsie roll 😆

                A stick.

                #600691
                twindragonsmum
                Participant

                  *GROANS!* that’s awful! *snerk*

                  twindragonsmum :snappy:

                  tdm

                  #600692

                  I thought it was funny… 😀 😳

                  #600693

                  I got one like that. :snappy:

                  What did the beaver say when he hit a concrete wall??

                  Dam. 😆

                  #600694
                  Laurie
                  Participant

                    What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

                    Ow 🙄

                    #600695
                    LadyFirebird
                    Participant

                      Glad to have Snap back–bad jokes and all! 😆 😈 😀

                      #600696
                      twindragonsmum
                      Participant

                        Better Than a Good Spanking !!

                        Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’

                        Since I’m a pilot, one that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight in the plane during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior.

                        I don’t know whether it’s the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc.

                        Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

                        I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

                        twindragonsmum :snappy: :snappy: :snappy:

                        tdm

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