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Sorry, But I love this. XD
The Woman Marine Pilot
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
‘Janie, do you have a story to share?’
”Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
”Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
“Don’t f_ _ _ with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”
*SNERK!* that’s just way too funny! 😆 😆 😆
Proof reading is a dying art…
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds DeadDid I read that right?
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
twindragonsmum wrote:————————————————————————
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
———————————————————-
twindragonsmum 😀There is NOTHING stronger than duct tape.
Subject: F. A. M. I. L. Y.
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
“Oh excuse me please” was my reply.He said, “Please excuse me too;
I wasn’t watching for you.”We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,“While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.He stood very ! quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
“Wake up, little one, wake up,” I said.“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
He smiled, “I found ’em, out by the tree.I picked ’em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like ’em, especially the blue.”I said, “Son, ! I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay.
I love you anyway.”I said, “Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”FAMILY Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don’t you think?
So what is behind the story?Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OUThat’s lovely, Nathy :yes: Makes you stop and think and remember to treat your family with as much kindness, love and respect that you would treat your friends or strangers with… Thank you!
twindragonsmum 😀
tdm
Truths For Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies…..Quit Laughing.
copper83 wrote:Truths For Mature Humans
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
Man, is that ever true!!!4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
I so need such a font…5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Either with patience and stubborness, or like my husband, just roll it!7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Hey, you never know…8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
For sure!10. Bad decisions make good stories.
So true.13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I hate that setting. Guaranteed heart attack.15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
You could make a fortune with this idea.Read my books! Volume 1 and 2 of A Dragon Medley are available now.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/mybooks.htm
I host the feedback lists, which are maintained by drag0nfeathers.
http://www.sarahjestin.com/feedbacklists.htmThat last one’s not a bit funny… At least when you get hit in the head really hard you get knocked unconscious. And when you get hit the other place, you want to do this 🙄 to try and get that way. XD
sagiaparri wrote:That last one’s not a bit funny… At least when you get hit in the head really hard you get knocked unconscious. And when you get hit the other place, you want to do this 🙄 to try and get that way. XD
LOL!
SPEEDING IN FLORIDA……
1) Good: A Jacksonville, FL, policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.” The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” . And a bucket full of money. (And we kids used to just mow lawns!)
2) Better: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Tallahassee, FL. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
3) Absolute Best: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Florida State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you’re going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper’s Ball.” He replied, “Florida State Troopers don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
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