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Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
…………
……………………………………………………….
………………….Democrat’s Answer :
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man
look poor or oppressed?Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand?What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
send to society and to my children?Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me?Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have
paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a
consensus.………… ………………………………………………..
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
………… …………………………………………….
Redneck’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click…..
(Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click.Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or
Hollow Points?! ‘Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’
Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the taxidermist.
I can’t remember if this one was on here before, But I thought it was pretty funny.
FBI JOB OPENING
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background check interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him glock. ‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.’
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the glock and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.’
Finally, it was the woman’s turn.. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the glock and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she screamed!!! ‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’
MORAL:
Women are crazy.
Don’t mess with them.Thoughts for Today–
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .
Did you ever notice:
The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs.’
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today, it’s called golfLord,
Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth..AMEN..!!I found this. I didn’t make it up.
Cup of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the livingroom to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know… 🙂
‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?’
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