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Before I read the one about Wal Mart to my husband, I told him Not to get any ideas! Good thing he usually goes there alone. 🙂
Poor little girl and her goldfish:
http://channelbee.com/move/gags#444Ummmmm….. 😯 I think I’d spit out my coffee more because of the swearing then because of the dead cat. Although, that does remind me of Robin Hood: Men in Tights…
Blinkin: … this never would have happened if your father was still alive.
Robin: He’s dead?
Blinkin: Yes.
Robin: And my mother?
B: She died of pnemonia while… oh, you were away.
R: My brothers?
B: Taken by the plague.
R: My dog Pongo?
B: Run over by a carriage.
R: My goldfish Goldie?
B: Eaten by the cat.
R: My cat?
B: Choked on the goldfish… oh it’s good to be home, ain’t it Master Robin?Yeah… sorry…. I love that movie… 😀
What cats do at night…
At least, that’s what my cat does to me all night. But only on the one side or on top of me cause he doesn’t like my bf and knows better than to bother him. Though he does come from the other side once my bf gets up.
The next time someone asks you a dumb question . . . don’t you just wish
you could respond like you really wanted to?
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Sophie the
wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out, when a woman behind me
asked me if I had a dog. Well. Looking at the bag and realizing that it
actually DID say DOG FOOD IN BIG BOLD LETTERS . . . I was a little bit
curious . . So . . since I’m retired with little to do, on impulse, I told
her that no, I didn’t have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn’t because I had ended up in the hospital the
last time. But since I’d lost 50 pounds, before I awakened in the intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
arms, I had decided to give it another try. I told her that it was
essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your
pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it
again and just be a little more careful this time.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
listening and enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s
rear end and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he
was laughing so hard when he fell.
Wal-Mart has now taken away my shopping privileges.
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
cab driver won’t stop staring at her.She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’She answers,
‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive.’‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’
She responds,
‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’The cab driver is very e xcited and says,
‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush.But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
‘My dear child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’
‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I’m married and I’m Jewish.’The nun says, ‘That’s OK.
My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.’HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!
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